Whoa! It has been a long time!

Wow, Mom, I am surprised you haven't gotten on my case at all about this!

I have been in a pretty crappy mood the last few days, and I don't see that letting up, but I have been having some pretty amazing moments, too.

This is from the files of "I love my ridiculous friends."

P.S. Before I get into it, I should say that at some point soon, I will be dropping Sneaky Vulture Tricks Volume IV, a chronicle of my ridiculous trip to Michigan, some crazy Brewers tailgating stories, and other adventures.

This blog will be very short, the others will not!

Since I am relishing in the happiest moments I can find, and looking for absurdity, I will share a text conversation from this morning with one of the most ridiculous people I have ever met.

Keep in mind that he was the drunkest person in the United States last night, and that the first text came in at 8:32am, as it often does with this gent. Also important to know - he was bartending with a bar rag around his hand, as he had cut himself at work last night.

Note: I am leaving some of the boring parts out, because, well, they're boring.

Him: Guess who found his thriller jacket?? THIS GUY.
Me: That's awesome. Your hand ok?
You definitely cheered me up a lot last night, so thank you.... You're awesome. =)
Him: Bled for 2 hours. I hate glass.
Me: Bru-tal
Him: Thank goodness it isn't my self-love hand.
Me: There's always a silver lining!
Him: Somehow I rang 1700 bucks without any recollection of closing out.
Me: That is amazing. You are my hero.
Him: I'm no hero. The guy who made the glass. That's the real hero.
Him: I woke up with SPF 30 all over my futon, which is only practical if the sun explodes in my apartment.
Me: Hahahaha, you are a fucking treat! At least now your futon is sagfe from that....
Him: I also must've been loud last night. There's a copy of my lease with the don't make a fucking ruckus part highlighted under my door!
Me: People ask me this, but I think it is even more true for you. How do you not have your own reality show? The world would be a better place if there were a cameraman following you around.
Him: Jake bemoans that fact all the time. And look at the ass clowns who get them, too. Spencer Pratt, I am talking to you.
Me: I wish we could trade him and have MJ or Billy Mays back.
Him: Yes. Agreed. Don't want to actually kill anyone, but if I could just advice death for a year, that would be super.
Me: I just don't get it. Is there anyone who actually likes that guy? Why do people still pay attention to his lame ass?
Him: People are stupid. What else can I say?
Me: That is very true....
Him: 90210 marathon!

Oh man. I love my friends.