Now, could you please stop having birthdays and the celebrations so that I can survive this year? OK, thanks!
I want to start off by appologizing again that it's been so long since I last blogged. I've been absurdly busy. Even moreso than normal. You see, once it starts kinda being Spring, I have a bazillion things to do. It's ridiculous. Not a moment to spare. I have a list of like ten things that I need to blog! Bru-tality.
Anyway, here's the next installment.
I'm at a weird age. Twenty-five years old. I'm not a teenager, kid, and no longer am a college student, yet I would consider myself a helluva distance away from being a real adult. I have friends on both sides - college students (such as the rash of 21-22 year olds I've been dating), and real adults with families and mortgages and children. I have a real job, but I still act like I am in college.
A lot of my older friends tell me things like "Yeah, I feel like I am going to weddings every weekend this summer. All of my friends are getting married off and having children."
Well, such is not the case for this girl. Fortunately, my friends are, for the most part, immature. At least when it comes to marriage! I even have a few friends, when out for a birthday (coincidence) we all heard someone talk about marriage, and we all reacted with visible fear/disgust.
Anyway, I feel like I am constantly celebrating birthdays, specifically 25th birthdays. Actually, I feel like more often than not, I am telling a story and saying either, "Well, that day, I was incredibly hung over, because I was celebrating one of my closest friend's 25th birthday the night before," or "I was out celebrating my friend's 25th birthday, when...."
So here it is. Four friends. Four birthdays. Four stories, all of them absurd.
P.S. I am sitting in my living room on my "night off from going out," enjoying a glass of wine, which has made me tipsy, despite the fact that I am only about a quarter of the way through it! Straight brutality.
Birthday #1 of 2007 is that of Nicole. You've read about her before. One of my best friends, and the woman behind my highlights and hair cut. She's beautiful inside and out, and she's become one of my partners in crime.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the night that Marquette played Louisville. I was moving slowly, because it was a Saturday, and I had slept most of the day in preparation. Then I was listening to the game while getting ready, which certainly slowed me down! Nicole set up a house party at her place, which I showed up to, late. Fashionably late, of course, but late nonetheless, which meant that I had some catching up to do. Fortunately, they were playing asshole, so it made it pretty easy!
For Nicole's gift, I brought her Limon and Water - if you've read previous blogs (specifically the drunk diary one from December), then you understand why! And I also wanted to give her a tiara, but the tiaras were lame, so I brought party hats.
These came to good use immediately, when we put one on her new cat Roxanne. Spectacular, no?
That day was also the celebration of one of Nicole's best friends, Jes. Here's a picture of all three of them (Nic, Jes, and Roxanne) in their party hats!
And yes, we needed to take a picture of Nicole and I with her Limon and Water present. Why in hell is it me that is holding the Limon? It makes me look like the trouble-maker! Yikes.
Some of the people at Nicole's were just brutal. This includes, but is not limited to Jes' ex-boyfriend, Brad, who officially sucked at life. He threw jealous tantrums a few times, effectively leading poor Jes to have to re-do her birthday another night, since his fits made it brutal.
Anyway, after the houseparty, we went out to Buckheads, which is always a good time. Apparently Nicole had befriended the DJ, and got us some free admission cards or something. Sweet....
Here's a picture of Nicole, Carrie, and I. I have no idea what the hell is going on with me.... Apparently, something was going on to the left (*right) that made everybody (*me) happy.... And if you get that reference, you get an automatic 75 damn cool points from me.
Since I wasn't able to pull my life together and look normal in the first picture, we had to re-do it for the second one. And yes, Nicole decided that she wanted it to be a dress-up party, so I am wearing a dress. And yeah, I was going through a bit of hair boredom, so I curled it. I like the way it looks, but it is time-consuming to achieve such an effect, so it only happens a few times a year!
Well, one thing that you may or may not know about me is that I am all about getting a body shot for the birthday girl. I don't think I have ever done a body shot with a guy. Now that I think about that, that's kinda weird. Hmmm.... Anyway, here are a couple fun shots of that going down.
This night was a few months ago, so I am having some difficulties with recalling all of the absurdities. I do, however, remember a few. I remember dancing on the stage with Nicole, Carrie, and Jes. I also remember somehow talking about how I was kinda dating Ous, and then having Jes and Brad (mostly Brad) somehow decide that I really like all Africans, and calling their African friend and getting him to come out. So then this approximately 45-year-old African man is hitting on me because he thinks that I have a thing for Africans, and I wasn't even trying to have anything to do with any males at that point.
OH! And I remember another thing! That whole Louisville business sucked. The game was super-close, and they are a huge rivalry. I somehow (drunkenly) saw online that MU had won, and congratulated Ous on the victory. Except, there was this whole thing about how they actually lost. Oooops! I had a lot of appologizing to do. Bru-tal!
Anyway, Nicole's birthday ended with everyone safe, and huge hangovers the next day... Just like any birthday should!
*****Birthday #2*****
Birthday #2 is that of Lers. She's my best friend at school - we teach together. I'm sure I've written about her and this group before. Always trouble, I say, always trouble!
We started out at La Perla. La Perla is similar to La Fuente in that they may as well be the same damn place.... A place that serves pretty good Mexican food (not as good as Racine, but better than a lot of other places) and has amazing blended margaritas - at La Perla, I recommend the rainbow (they're called La Perla there) margaritas.
What happens at both establishments is that you are hammered before your food arrives. Always. I have never left either establishment sober, and rarely do I clean my plate, which is ridiculous - I am a serious member of the clean plate club. I might even be an officer of the clean plate club!
Anyway, there were about 15 of us out, and it was great. We had our dinner. We drank some 'ritas. Then we decided to move on. We went to the HiHat/Garage. I opened a tab.
First thing that happened, that was a red flag (well, I guess it was the third red flag - the first being the friends I was with, and the second being La Perla), was that Vitucci met us out. Bru-tal. Shots (as usual)! Then Natalie shows up. She's notorious for ordering shots to the table at dinner. Again, bru-tal! I set up a tab. Greeeaaaat.
Then Mia introduces me to one of her co-workers. It was hysterical. "This is Meghan. Meghan, you're funny. Mandie is one of the funniest people I've ever met. You two will get along!"
Then Meams walks away, and Meghan and I end up getting into serious conversations, during which neither of us were funny. Ironic, eh?
Anyway, I don't think much more of HiHat/Garage was very memorable, and since there are still a couple birthdays left to cover, I am going to move on.
We all decided to head out and hop in a cab. We were trying to go to Flannery's, but in the middle of the ride (Lisa, Mia, Sarah, Rodrigo, AC Gilman, and I were all squeezed in one car), Big R projectile vomitted all over the place. This aforementioned vomit got all over the occupants, but I somehow managed to make it out unscathed, which was amazing, because I was sitting on either Mia or Lisa's lap, and I am pretty sure that they both got vomitted upon! Anyway, for obvious reasons, the cab driver kicked us out o fthe cab immediately. We were right by Victor's, which is right by AC Giman's (Lisa's boyfriend's) apartment. AY somehow convinced us that we should go to Victor's. So we did. We left Rodrigo and his vomit to fend for himself, because apparently Sarah was mad at him, and the rest of us were too drunk to focus or care.
Mia and I get to the door of Victor's, and they try to charge us $5 each to get in. We talk them down to $1 each, explaining that the place was pretty dead, and that it was like 1am. Go us!
Apparently, earlier that night at Victor's, there was a private party, with a few tables full of food. AC Gil, AY, and I were just all types of pumped. We kept trying to sneak the food, even to the point where I was texting friends to tell them that I had become a taco dip vulture! At one point, though, the dreaded occurred. We got caught!
This was not as bru-tal as expected. In fact, the man who caught us said, "Thank goodness, help yourself! Someone has to eat it!" YAY!
AC Gil took this to heart so much that apparently he took a to-go box home! Really, AC? Ridiculous! I didn't find this out, though, until a few days after the festivities.
Anyway, it was this night that we had an absolutely absurd snowstorm. That was trouble. We literally got over a foot and a half of snow in two hours.
Since Victor's is so close to AC and TJ's apartment, so we decided to walk home.
I would like to take this moment to pat myself on the back for two things. One was that I wore boots out, and not pumps. I mean, come on. It was late February, and we were in Milwaukee, WI. This paid off big in the trek through the arctic! The second was that I chose to stay with AC Gil on the way home. I don't know my way around there, especially when hammered, so I thought I'd stay with him. Plus, I'm a fast-walker. This helped. I was one of the first home. I just followed AC Gil's trail!
After we got home, we realized that we were alone. But moments later, Lisa and Sarah stumbled in. Apparently, it was a struggle. They were full of ice. Both of their shoes were full of snow. I was already wearing AC Gilman's silk long johns.
Then Meams comes home, with her shoes in her hands (she walked home BAREFOOT!!!), convinced that she has frostbite (likely). She told tales of laying down in the driveway of the Metro Market, telling Lers to go on and "Save herself" and such things as that. Ridiculous!
Here comes the punchline.
In the morning, I wake up, and have no credit/debit card. Since I am trying to avoid credit card debt, I only have the one card, so it's kinda brutal for me to not have it. Plus, I use it to make deposits to my checking/savings account because my bank is far away.
I'm not too worried at this point though. I am sure it is at HiHat/Garage. If not, the only other place I went was Victor's, so it can't be too bad!
Danielle has to stop at campus the next evening, so even though I called HiHat/Garage to see if they had my card, and they said no, I thought I would stop in anyway and see if perhaps they didn't hear me. Nope, they still don't have it.
Well, Danielle says that while we're out, we may as well go to Victor's and see if they have my card. So where's Victor's?
I have no damn idea. I mean, yeah, I've been there, but no, I have no idea at all where it is. So we just kinda drive around haphazardly until we find it.
Then I meet the men at the door to collect the cover charges. I am still hung over from the previous night.
I explain to the bouncers that I am not there to enjoy Victor's, but that I think that my debit card is there.
"You THINK that it is here? You mean you're not sure?"
Well.... Yes.
"Wow, you must've been faded!"
Yes.
So I go in, and tell the bartender that I think my debit card might've been left there the night before. He says,
"Are you Mia?"
I start laughing. No, but I was with her!
Apparently, she left her card there. Also, AC Gil left his card at HiHat/Garage. He got his. Mia just sent for a new one. I asked for a new one, and didn't get one for six long weeks. What a struggle! That was neither here, nor there, though.
***** Birthday #3 *****
The next 25th birthday celebration was that of Mia.
Curti came in town for it. And it was a surprise! A couple weeks before her birthday, Lers and Natalie sent out an email inviting everyone out. Little did Mia know that just before that, they had sent out an email telling everyone to respond with an excuse as to why we couldn't come out.
So we did, and then on her birthday, we all assembled at the Ale House for her birthday. There were about 25 of us, and let me tell you, Mia was surprised! Most of the people at dinner were the same as Lers'. Fun times.
After dinner, we went to the bar part and had some fun times. Shots, of course. Pat Ron, of course, because that is Natalie's specialty. I, too, am no stranger to tequila. For some reason, though, I didn't do any body shots with neither Mia nor Lers. And, as you can see, I didn't really take any pictures either night. Actually, I think my camera was broken for both of those birthdays. Sad!
Anyway, got hammered. Hung out with Mia's funny co-worker Meghan some more. Did lots of shots. Decided I felt bad that Curti was surrounded by a million people that I knew that he didn't, so I thought we'd check out Murphy's. Plus, I thought it would be good to be closer to home. AND, Curti had previously mentioned to me that when he visits someone, he wants to see what their normal lives are like, and not so much do something special. And since I've lived in Milwaukee, despite how lame I think it is, Murphy's has become a part of my normal life!
So, we said goodbye to Mia and all of the other celebrants. One thing that was memorable was that when she said goodbye to me, Mia told me, "Now go try out for SNL." Ha!
So we went to Murph's. To my surprise, almost all of the MU BBall players who were of age were there - Dominic James, Jerel McNeal, Dwight Burke, Jamil Lott, Wes Matthews.... No Ous. I talked to Jamil a little bit, which is always a pleasure. He's so nice!
It was weird to see all of these guys who I had watched from so close, yet so far away, in a non-basketball setting. It was like - I felt like I knew them, but definitely didn't since I had never talked to anyone except for Jamil. So I kept staring at them, like I was trying to figure them out. The night starts to get fuzzy here, though.
I remember that Dominic James was wearing this outfit that was almost entirely camoflage. A Camoflage hat and a camoflage shirt. I think that camo is silly most of the time anyway, so I remember laughing at such things.
Since I was staring at them so much, there was obviously a lot of eye contact made, which was apparently annoying to Curti. Anyway, we left, and as per usual, I was hungry.
So, we went to Jimmy John's. I love MU's Jimmy John's. It is amazing.
You know what(who) else I love? MU's Mike Kinsella. Don't know why. I just do.
Well, as it turns out, I had two loves in one night. I turned around in line, and who was there, but Mike Kinsella. Since he's seven feet tall, he's a bit hard to miss. I'd never talked to him before, but that certainly didn't stop me from walking up to him, giving him a hug, and saying "Congratulations on life." and then leaving.
Yes, that's right. I congratulated him on life, he said thanks, and I left.
WHAAAAAAT?????
I love it. I was actually awake for quite a while the next day before I remembered such absurd events.
Another thing that I hadn't remembered was sending Ous ridiculous texts from home. Here's a Cliff's notes version of oru conversation, from teh best of my ability.
Me: Dominic James blends in a whole lot better than you do.
(We've talked about blending in before, haha).
Ous: What are you talking about?
Me: His outfit. He blends.
Ous: Are you at Eve?
Me: No, I'm at home!
Ous: Are you drunk?
Me: No, not at all.
WHAAATTTT? "Not at all?" Who am I kidding? Someday, I really need to know what goes on in Ousmane's head.
Bru-tal. The next day, I played poker while nearly dead, but that's beside the point.
More on the Mike Kinsella interaction later, as that was certainly not the last we saw of eachother!
***** Birthday #4 *****
The next birthday is that of Cari. We call eachother our nexus. We are very alike in a lot of ways, but at the same time, very different. We met in college, had a lot of classes together, and dated the same guy for awhile.
She is now dating the Prince, and has been for nearly two years. He is also one of my best friends. I should probably devote an entire blog to our friendship. Hys-terical.
Anyway, Cari's 25th was the night before Easter. She currently lives in Naperville, IL.
I arrived there awhile before dinner. Shortly after my arrival, Cari sent the Prince off on an errand to pick up pictures at Walgreen's that hey took on their Spring Break Vacation to Aruba.
Matt (the Prince) came back with pictures. AND, the biggest chocolate bunny he could find.
Yummy! I love chocolate. So, I decided I needed a bite. I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know if it was hollow or solid. Matt said that for $8, it better be solid! Turns out, no.
I love the eyes on chocolate rabbits. They are pure sugar. So I made quick business of those. Then I took a bite out of the ears (we're family, they are not afraid of my germs).
Then, somehow, we (Matt and I) came up with the best idea ever. Despite the disappointment that this chocolate rabbit was hollow, we decided to turn the negative into a positive. We turned the lack of chocolate in the middle to an empty space in which to put alcohol. The bunny became a receptacle for Peppermint Schnapps. Woohoo!
Cari, since it was her birthday, was first to go. She kept laughing, so it took her forever to get that first drink down! Here's some evidence....
Yeah, I'm fully aware that I look like a goof-ass douchebag poser in that shot. Oh well. I swear to goodness it wasn't intentional!
Next was me, da Prince$$ (as Matty calls me).
Yeah, like an old pro. Haha.
Obviously, the Prince himself wasn't exempt from such activities!
Anyway, post rabbit drinking (which also was partaken by Collette, one of Cari's friends from HS), we all went out to eat. We were quite the interesting crowd.
I've already explained Cari and Matt.... But a little more detail never hurt. Cari was the President of her sorority. She's one of the most responsible people I've ever met. A serious rule-follower, but with a definite fun/wild streak. Hey-oh!
I've described Matt as one of my shady friends. Matt.... Not so much the rule-follower. Possibly the opposite. Definitely irresponsible, but way fun, and awesome for sure.
Then we have Collette and her husband, who have a very young child. I honestly have only met each of them twice, including Cari's birthday, so I can't say much about them. I can say, however, that they SEEMED like a stereotypical perfect cookie-cutter new family. Very cute, very conservative. Collette got drunk off of one martini. That kinda gives you an idea, I think!
Then there was Tulin, who I had only met that night. She just seems like the most straight-laced person ever. She was super nice and very fun, but Cari seemed shocked that Tulin was doing shots. So yeah....
Then there is Sarah and Vanessa, who are a couple, and are both awesome. Sarah met me when I was hammered and had a lot of stories to tell, so somehow I have a reputation with her as a crazy girl with ridiculous things happening to me. Or maybe that is my reputation with everyone?
Then there is Melody and Gerardo. Melody is Cari's aide in class. Fun girl. Seems pretty similar to me. In fact, I believe that we were introduced in a similar fashion to how I was introduced to Megan, Mia's friend. Gerardo was Melody's cousin, and didn't have a whole lot of English skills, but was still tons of fun.
Then there was this other girl. I don't remember her name, but I remember her reputation. She had graduated from the Christian college nearby Cari's elementary school. Apparently she is very conservative. Everyone was worreid about who she was going to sit by, and saying that I was not the best person for her to sit by (nor were Matt or Colette's husband).
During dinner, Colette decided that she liked her martini glass, and we convinced her in her drunken state that it would be a good idea to steal such a thing. So she hid it, and ordered a second.
This other girl was far away from me, but I am told that she was visibly upset.
Colette mentioned something about having never stolen anything before.
I had to inform her of something that I learned long ago from my mother. Sometimes, you just have to take a "parting gift."
We convinced her to take the second one, so that she would at least have a pair.
When we left, I said goodbye to "Conservative Girl" who I didn't even speak to at all.
I mentioned the fact that I hadn't spoken to CG, and one of the best quotes of the night came out of Sarah's mouth.
"She's quiet, not rude, and doesn't drink. She's not your people."
WHAT? Haha. Hysterical.
Then we get to Feature's, some bar in Naperville.
We order our first drinks. I was feeling a little iffy, so I ordered what I always get when I am at a bar and not feeling well.
Some of you might think that would be soda or water. You would be wrong.
It's Bacardi Limon and water, bitches! Hilarious.
Tulin overheard half of my order. The second half. She was shocked. "You're ordering water?????!!!"
What? You've only known me 15 minutes! She said my reputation precedes me. Grrrreeeeaaatttt.
Then came Sarah's next quote in the one-two punch.
Out of nowhere.
"We need to find you some man candy. There has to be a huge black guy around here somewhere!"
What? Pigeon-holed. Oh well.
Here's all of us ladies at Features.
Then began the shots. Pat Ron, anyone?
Obviously, Cari and I needed to do them body-shot style.
So our birthday girl was sober.... HA!
Apparently, there is some sort of thing people do that involves shaking people's head and pounding on it after a shot of tequila. BRU-TAL! Here's the Prince in the midst of it. He was struggling after it, but said it was pretty cool. I was chicken. Too chicken to try it. Maybe some other day!
We obviously needed to take a picture of the Prince and I. It's debated whether those are bunny ears or devil horns over our heads. What do you think?
At some point during the night, I went to the bathroom, by myself. While waiting in line, I saw something absurd. On the wall at Features, in between the ladies' and mens' room, there was a metal sculpture of a martini. Ok, that is not absurd. What is absurd is that below it, on the floor, there was a piece of plexi glass mounted to the wall, with a few inches of space in between. In this space, there were several round stones - the kind that you'd find in someone's yard around their plants or something. Just plain old black rocks. I have no idea why they were there. I do know, though, that I couldn't leave the place without taking some home, especially since we had talked about parting gifts earlier, and how ridiculous they could get (Matt had recently taken a gate in our nation's capitol). So on my way back from the bathroom, I grabbed a rock in each hand and put them in my handbag, without telling anyone.
The night rolled on, and we ended up having a few guests back at Cari's: Titus, Eric (who looked like Pharrell Williams), and Batmobile (whose real name apparently was Kirby).
That whole scene was hilarious. We made the newcomers, including Melody, drink out of the rabbit. And Matt and I basically just kept texting eachother to discretely make fun of that Eric kid. It was ridiculous.
Then everyone except Titus and I went into the living room. The rooms are connected, but it's still kinda separated. Titus and I got into a conversation in which we were discussing religion. He had told me about how impressed he was with me because he is not accustomed to having intelligent conversations.
Then, in the religion discussion, he brought up the people who take the Bible completely literally. He referred specifically to people who think that a good punishment for a crime would be to stone someone to death. You see obviously where this is going.
So I says to Titus, I says.... "I know you were just talking about how wonderful it is to have intelligent conversations, but I am going to completely ruin that perception of me. I'll be right back."
I went upstairs to my room (Yeah, I have my own bedroom at Cari's condo) and went into my purse, and retrieved the two rocks that I had stolen from the bar.
I came downstairs, and made an announcement.
"Since we were talking about parting gifts, I thought I'd tell you all about what I got from the bar!"
And then I dropped the rocks onto Cari's floor, went back to Titus, and said "I'm sorry about that. You were saying?" And got back to conversation. How ridiculous is that?
Nothing else about the night is really that interesting, other than that I had a glass of Hpnotiq on the rocks, followed by a glass of Bailey's on the rocks. These weren't necessary, but I was somehow sober when I left the bar! That was fixed.
The best part (perhaps, arguably) was when I was talking to John (more explanation later), and told a tiny part of the story, and he responds "Who steals rocks from a bar???"
I do.
End of story.
Enjoy!
P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if "q" and "r" were eliminated.
P.P.S. I gave one of the rocks to Cari, and the other is now under our love seat, where Refugio moved it.
