Those poor, unfortunate souls!

You know in the Little Mermaid, when Ursula sings that song about those poor, unfortunate souls?

I am pretty sure that 90% of the people about whom she was singing were sitting at a table with me last night at the Landmark.

I went out with LL for one of her friends' birthdays. It was also Tia's birthday, but that is neither here nor there (Happy birthday, Tia!).

Anyway, we were talking about Cinco de Mayo, which is fast-approaching, and it came up that one of the ladies who was sitting at the table with us has her birthday on May 6th, so often celebrates it on the 5th. Rock on.

However, apparently, on her 21st birthday, when she was on her way home, she and her roommate got mugged at gun point! How much does that suck?!

So then, not only did she have a scary, near-death experience where her life was threatened, she didn't have an ID. And then she had to wait a couple days to get it, because it was a weekend.

So she got her ID that Monday, and was en route to the liquor store (completely understandable!!!) when a bird shat in her hair! How brutal is that????

So then, this other individual at the table, who, coincidentally, looks like Minkus from Boy Meets World (and apparently now, One Tree Hill), says, "The ONLY time a bird shat in my hair, I was in Denver, waiting in line to take a tour of the mint."

Yes, that's right. This gentleman put the emphasis on the word "only," as though everyone over age 12 likely has at least a few stories of birds defecating in their hair. Brutal.

So he gets into the story, and explains what happened, and how he got napkins from a concession stand to clean out his hair so that he could continue on with his tour. He concluded this entertaining story with the phrase, "And then I got to see how pennies are made!"

That was not, unfortunately for him, yet fortunately for me, the only story of him getting shat on by birds. Apparently, there was another incident during which he was at the Milwaukee Zoo and went into the exotic bird exhibit (which if you ask me is a poor decision if you already have a history of being shit on by birds), when a large blob fell from the sky and hit him in the chest, apparently startling him. I guess it was huge, and exotic.

I can't believe it! All of these people getting brutalized by birds!

I do remember, however, one time in Florida when I was on vacation with 15 or so friends, and we were sitting on the deck eating French toast, our friend Emily was shat on (see pic below).... But last night, the number of people I've met with "a bird shit on me" stories tripled!

But wait, there's more!

If the mugging and poop stories aren't enough, this guy (who, for the record, had the most narrow and tall head I have ever seen) informs us that he survived the Bubonic Plague!

WHAT?

Apparently, he was in Amsterdam, and he passed out in a park (he recommends not passing out in a park in Amsterdam, for the record). He woke up, and a couple days later, he was really sick. Like.... He lost 30 pounds in three days sick. Ouch! Narrowhead was actually diagnosed with the Bubonic Plague.

So yeah. Aren't I feeling grateful for my lame life, which lacks muggings, being defecated on, and plagues of every kind? Hell yes! And yeah, I am knocking on wood. Well, particle board with a nice little veneer on it - my desk isn't THAT nice! :-P

Have a sparkly day!

Today is National "Kiss your mate" day, as well as Jay Leno's birthday. At midnight, you better believe I'll be celebrating Uma Thurman and Master P's birthdays.... And Rachel's!