Devin Harris + Denim Night = One Helluva Weekend!

Oy. The time was Memorial Day weekend. Friday, to be exact. I had been having quite the terrible week, and was ready to go to bed. Way crabby. I was having some issues with the part-time job I had taken, and their scheduling. So I came home from school, and went to bed.

After a couple hours of napping, I was ready to rally. I went tanning and worked out and showered. When I was coming home from tanning, I ran into Nathan, one of the more normal people that lives in our building, in the elevator. He was with a friend who had a site for sore eyes in his hand - a guitar from the game guitar hero. I didn't even see that Nathan was with him, and made a comment about how I love guitar hero, and then Nathan invited us up later.

So after I got ready and such, I informed Danielle of our plan - first up to Nathan's to play Guitar Hero, then off to Can's, then finishing up at Murphy's (at least that was the plan).

Danielle was a little leery of going up and hanging out with these people that she didn't know. She's a little on the shy side. While getting ready, though, we shared a bottle of champagne, which I drank most of. Brut.

Once we were ready, we went upstairs to Nathan's. Oh boy, was that interesting! Nathan was pretty intense.

We played some guitar hero, and I have got to say.... Danielle is quite the phenom! She played lead on Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the name of" and it was most excellent (can you tell that I am watching Wayne's World while typing this?). So good. I was impressed.

Nathan gave Danielle a beer (if memory serves me correctly), and made me what was formerly the strongest Captain and Diet in the History of the United States (that record was beaten this past weekend at Del's wedding - blog soon to follow), and then the four of us (Nathan, Danielle, Nathan's friend who brought over the Guitar Hero - I believe his name was Mike) did shots of Jack Daniel's. That was obviously just what the doctor ordered.... We hung out a little bit.... Then we decided to call a cab and move on.

Now one thing I've learned is that I attract absurdity. Even the cab ride was no exception.

The cab driver was from Africa - some French-speaking country. Since this was about a month ago, I can't remember which. Also in the car was an infant, obviously. Anyway, I spoke French with the cab driver the whole ride to Can's. Wahoo! That's always a good time.

We get to Can's, and the normal absurdity is in place. Matty, one of Danielle's "old friends" is there, and he is one of the most ridiculous people life has to offer. Danielle was immediately approached as well by some weird farmer guy who was hitting on her, which was definitely amusing!

Then we are approached by some lame guys, and then some other lame guys.... This one lame guy informs me that he's an athlete. Call me a douche (although I'd rather you didn't) but ever since Ous came into the picture, I've had a little bit of a higher standard when people say they are athletes. I mean, it's one thing to say "I play this sport..." But to say that you're an athlete is another story.... While it may be true, I think it just seems pretentious to say.

Anyway, this kid is telling me he's a boxer or something, and his name is Dustin. Then all of the sudden, I see a couple familiar faces....

Buddha, who works at Murphy's and was in a fashion show with me, and Devin Harris.

Devin Harris, for those of you who don't know, is a Badger Alumni, and current member of the Dallas Maverick's. He's a mutual friend of Sharif Chambliss, Freddie Owens (obviously, since those two were also Badger Basketball players, and Freddie and Devin were childhood friends), and apparently Buddha.

So I stroll up to these individuals, and Buddha and I hug our hellos. He introduces me to Devin, and I immediately tell him that I used to hate him, because he would always get to skip to the front of the line in bars in Madison, and I 'd still have to wait. He apologized, and we kept talking.


I obviously needed to get a picture with him. I think he looks kinda creepy in it, like some sort of peeping tom. When I told him about it later, he asked what he's peeping at. I have no idea. You got any ideas?


At some point, which I don't remember, numbers were exchanged. On some sort of bizarre mass level - I ended up with both Devin's number and Buddha's, and them with mine, and somehow that Dustin the boxer ended up with my number as well. That ended up being quite the confusing scenario.

Anyway, apparently Buddha and Devin were having some sort of A-bar and we were invited. Sounds good, we thought. BUT, I had one priority over hanging out with these lovely gents, and that was a grilled cheese sandwich or two.

So D and I go to the George Webb by our house, and get some food. That was absurd as well. We are sitting there forever and don't get waters. Danielle spies some attractive young pups behind me and so I ask them if they are leaving if we can have their waters. We are very thirsty ladies. They let us have their waters, and they move on.

Meanwhile, I am texting Devin Harris, and he's being interesting. I told him that I was focused on food, and he told me to let him know when I am ready to focus on him. Then someone calls, and I somehow get to be under the impression that it is Devin, but from a different phone. Turns out no, but I won't learn that for awhile. At some point, too, I was on the phone with probably Devin (although I now have doubts), and I made fun of his jeans, because they had rhinestones on them - and he said something about how his watch matched, and asked me if I had seen it. I had. It was approximately the sparkliest watch in the United States. Another phone call comes in, and I thought it was Devin from a second cell phone. He was looking for Dustin the boxer... Hmmm.... Anyway....

Moments later, the gentlemen who had just left who had given us the waters returned. They wanted to talk to us. Thought we were cute or something, which was exciting, since Danielle thought the one kid was cute.

When I say "kid," I am not kidding. (ha!)

Turns out, these boys are 19, and had fake ids and were visiting friends.

As we're standing around talking after our meal, the one that Danielle had found attractive just starts giggling and covers his mouth. I ask him what he's laughing at, and he basically says, "I just can't believe you guys are 25."

Brut.

I didn't bother to correct him about the fact that Danielle would soon (Friday) be 25, and that I am only a stone's throw away from 26 (brut).

So then Danielle and I decide to walk home. What, do we think we're in Madison or something? I know it's only a couple blocks, but poor choice!

We also decide that it is too late to go to Devin and Buddha's a-bar party, so we go home and go to bed.

Next morning, I wake up, and feel like complete ass. Brut.

I go in the living room, and my shoes are strewn about. Living room was already a bit of a struggle, because I had been playing 8-bit Nintendo there recently.... Check it out.

How my shoes ended up like that shall remain forever a mystery.

Now there is one way that I can always just tell that I had a ridiculous night the night before.

The biggest clue is my clothes. If I have it at least somewhat mentally together, they will be in my room. This is whether I have it in me to take a shower or not.

If, however, the night is ridiculous, my clothes will be anywhere but my bedroom.

In the picture above, you see my clothes outside my bedroom door, in the kitchen, like shoes outside a Japanese teahouse. And no, the denim jacket on the left was not worn with the dark jeans in the foreground.... What kind of ridiculous person wears head-to-toe denim????

Anyway, Danielle emerges from her room moments later. Why we are awake at like 9am is a mystery. We are kinda recapping the previous night's events when my phone rings. The caller id says, "Devin Harris." I answer, and a voice says, "Hello Mandie." We talk a couple seconds, and he asks if I know who he is. I tell him "of course I do" and that he's Devin Harris. He suddenly has to go, and is going to call back later.

So I commence to talking to Danielle and we wonder why he is calling me so early in the morning, and why he doesn't have anything better to do.

Then Danielle decides that she has to get to work, and I go back to bed.

Curti texts me, and we discuss the possibility of me going to Madison that day.

See, the thing is, I was supposed to work. I agreed to pick up this girl's patio shift, and wasn't sure what to do. I was already fed up - this place had messed up my schedule and availability like four times in two days, and I was quite annoyed.

So I talked to Curti. Curti and friends had been doing some theme nights.... Like when they printed their own tshirts with ridiculous phrases on them and such. I told him that I would come up, and thus quit my job, if we could do a theme night.

I saw this shit coming a mile away. Last summer, Lers had a job at Applebee's. She worked a few shifts. Then, I had a week off of nannying, and decided that it would be glorious to spend it with Lers and Meams in Milwaukee, especially since it was during the week of Summerfest.

Lers and I were very accustomed to seeing eachother for a couple hours a day every day, and me moving to Madison was a difficult adjustment.

Anyway, first day in Milwaukee, we decide to go to the beach with several friends.... Lers is supposed to work that evening, which was fine - I was just going to meet up with Troy (ha, we actually tried to do that!), or hang out with Meams or Zak and AY and Kenny or something...

Well, the fun started getting better and better, and the next thing we knew, we were in the bathroom at the f'ing beach, and she was calling in to work.

Next day, she's supposed to work again, but she ends up getting drunk at breakfast and dropping her new Razr into a Jagerbomb, so that doesn't occur either, and she can't even call in.

Next thing we know, Lers is a jobless bum for the summer. I think I will actually devote an entire blog to that ridiculous week.

Anyway, I'm talking to Curti, and he decides that we will have a theme night. B'bye, job at Hi-Hat. I don't know who I was kidding with that one.

Theme night discussions continue, and we decide it will be denim night. The people involved are Curti and I (obviously), as well as Pet, Ben, and Rob. I am the only girl, as well as the only person who does not work at Brothers. Ah well.

I set out to acquire my outfit.... I will leave its description a surprise, and you can just see it later, but I will tell you that I bought it at a store "Rainbow" that my students frequent, and that it was purchased at Grand Avenue Mall, which closes at 7pm daily because of crime. Holla.

I pull my life together and shower, and set out on my way to Madtown, excited for the night ahead which is sure to be fun.

On my way, I talk to Lindsay, who is Andy's sister. Love her. I had tons of fun with her in LA when I visited. She was in town visiting, and we made plans to meet up later. We had a bad connection, so I had some difficiulty explaining denim night. Oh well.

I get to Curti, Pet and Ben's house, and let myself in. I used to knock, but got yelled at for that. Apparently, I'm part of the family. I feel so special!

Anyway, no one is upstairs, so I make my way downstairs. The boys were ready for me. They knew that by now I just let myself in, and evidently could hear my arrival. I walked down the stairs, and this is EXACTLY the first thing I saw. They were posed and ready for me!

I don't think anything could've prepared me for that sight. I knew they would be wearing head-to-toe denim, as that was the plan. I did not know, however, that they were going to buy the tightest pants in the United States. I also did not know that there would be suspenders involved, that they'd have their shirts buttoned to the sky, and that Pet and Rob would have their pants rolled in such a "fashion." Oy! Glorious.

I should've known, though. This was not my first time meeting any of these gentlemen.

Honestly, I don't know how I could've expected any less. These are habitual line-steppers we're dealing with.

Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised if Ben had been wearing an outfit similar to mine, or a mini skirt or something.

I doubt that it's evident from the pictures I've shown so far (which are, like many others from this entry, courtesy of Curti - thanks, Curti!), but Ben is actually wearing women's boot cut jeans. As you can see below, they fit him quite well....

How hot and irresistable is that? Apparently too much for Rob to be able to stay away.... But who could blame him, really?

Rob has no ass. Anyway, I get into my getup and we hang out a bit.... It is hilarious to watch these fellows moving around in their clothes. Whenever they drop something, it is a huge struggle to bend over and get it, due to the tightness of their ensembles. I, too, am at a disadvantage of how much I can move because of my outfit.

Then we get in cars and start heading to the Brodeo, which is the most appropriate name for Brother's ever, especially on this particular evening.

In the car, the discussion turns again to our clothing, and I say something that gets me immortalized on Curti's facebook quote section....

"I was worried about cameltoe, until I saw you guys!"

But it was true! It was a struggle for me, but then when I saw these four characters, I decided that no one was really going to be looking at me anyway!

We also, on the way, concocted a story. We decided that we were going to tell people that Curti and I had just gotten married, and that we wore wedding in the ceremony and were having our reception at Brother's.

Here's our first wedding photo, complete with Rob and Ben showing the shocker!

Yes, I am wearing a one-piece denim halter that zips up the back. And yes, I have my hands in my pockets to pull the outfit down a bit, to avoid the aforementioned cameltoe issue. I am by no means a tall individual, but I found that this "onesie," as it would be called, really rode up like nobody's business. (And it wasn't anybody's business, either!).

Now obviously, like anyone who goes out to the bars as a fivesome wedding party dressed in head-to-toe denim, our mission was to project a serious amount of class and distinction.

So we thought it'd be classy to take a "wedding photo" with all of the "groomsmen" pretending to look at my tatas, unbeknownst to the poor groom.

Here's the result of that!




The next picture is Mara's idea. She, by the way, was stunned by our appearance. Who wouldn't be? We ARE quite the stunners, even if you ignore the outfits. Let's be honest.

In the meantime, we do not fail to notice a man who himself is dressed in head-to-toe denim, and not part of the group, staring creepily in my direction. Brut.

We do a group shot, aquire drinks, and decide to head upstairs.

It is there, that Ben and Rob decide to flaunt their asses (or lack thereof) for the camera. Thanks, boys! HAWT!

With no surprise to anyone, the homoerotic posing continues. Thank goodness! And this time, Petey's involved.... Amen!

We then discovered that the new cocktail waitress at Brother's is only slightly taller than Rob when he's on his knees. She's so little, even smaller than Danielle, by a lot! How cute?!

Then Linds arrived. She's so beautiful, don't you agree? We only saw eachother for a couple minutes, but it was apparently long enough for me to leave the impression in her mind that I looked quite ghetto, which is what she told her brother. JACKPOT!

Next, it was apparently completely necessary for me to put Rob on like a backpack, wrapping his suspenders around me. And, as usual when I take a picture with Rob, we had to "melt the camera" with our sexiest faces. This always makes me look as ridiculous as possible. Thanks, Rob.

Man I look good.... And sober.... Or something.

And, of course, the obligatory picture with the girls.... Except Danielle is missing. :-(

If you look closely at the picture above, you can see some writing on my bosom. That is because I had noticed a couple things that were upsetting to me. First of all, Curti was signing EVERYONE's chests.... Men and women alike! And he was writing things such as "These belong to me" and "property of Curti." And to make matters worse, people were writing similar things on him! My denim husband!

Retallation was necessary, so I went to Ben and Rob. They obliged and wrote on my chest.

Here's a shot of them proudly admiring their handiwork.

I would also later get Pet to sign my chest in a bright red marker, very heavily. His work would melt in my sleep and in the morning, my chest would look like I had a serious and unfortunate allergic reaction to something.

By sheer coincidence alone, LL and Curti's friend Abby were wearing nearly matching fuscia shirts. They became my bridesmaids.

You know that saying "It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt?"

Well, on Denim Night, it's all fun and games until someone cries.... Or at least almost cries.

Apparently, Curti has a friend/aquaintence named Kari. We had her completely convinced by our wedding story. Yes, I am serious.

She was so convinced that she almost started crying!

She was gushing, and kept saying things like "I am so happy for you guys, and you are such a beautiful bride, and I knew that Curti had a friend Mandie who was a model, and..." and so on.

First of all, beautiful bride? In denim? Yikes.

Second of all, how cute is she for thinking all of those nice things and being that genuinely happy for Curti and me, some chick she doesn't know??? So sweet!

So we started to feel bad and told her we were just joking. Here's a picture of her....

On the right in the above picture is Dustin, the Wing Master. He is the man who cooks the wings at Brothers on Wednesdays. Apparently, he is similar to Curti in that he has no game whatsoever (Curti's words, not mine), except apparently even worse and more shy? I don't know.

Somehow, though, he and I got pushed into the women's bathroom, and folks were holding the door shut. How 8th grade is that business? So we stood in there and talked a little until we realized that we could get out. He was apologizing profusely about his friends' behavior of pushing him in there. I was fine with it - they were my friends, too, and I was accustomed to their shenanigans. I am pretty sure that it was at that point, when we were still locked in, that I was gushing about how his wings were amazing, and that I would drive 90 miles for them, and that his wings were better than those at Brother's in Milwaukee. These were all true statements.

True statements that he would not remember - when I was back at Brother's for Wingding Wednesday last week, I told him that I had driven 90 miles for his wings. I had also said hi using his name.

He responded "You don't know how much that means to me. What's 90 miles away?"

He didn't remember. I explained that Milwaukee was, and asked if he remembered denim night.

He said, "Denim night?"

I told him I'd talk to him about it later, but never got around to that. Perhaps next time.

Anyway, when we figured out that we could leave, I suggested leaving in style, so I went to his side, wrapped my arms around his neck and jumped up so that I was on his hip with my legs wrapped around him. His friends were amused, so he kinda laid me on the pool table and pretended to make out with me.

Then it was time to go. So we did.

We got back to the boys' house, and ordered pokey sticks, because I had been craving them. Yummy!

We were all kinda worn out, as it had been quite the night!

Look at Ben, all tuckered out, and look at how Kat is so attracted to him in his denim! That attraction is only going to increase, and that's a promise!

It was at this point that it was decided that I was not going to be the only person who got to enjoy the onesie. Rob, who is 6'4", decided he needed to try it on. So I put on my PJs and passed the glorious suit along. As you can see, Rob put me to shame.

Oh man, that's..... attractive. But wait! If you can handle more hotness.... Look at this one!

Yum yum!

And fortunately, Rob was so comfortable in the denim onesie that he could play pool.... He wasn't limited to just.... *cough* posing sexily *cough*.

And if you think that the sexiness stops with Rob, you are so wrong.... Ben definitely needed to get in on it (with Rob's help of course, since Rob is now experienced in these matters).

Teamwork! Stella helped, too.

There was an effort made to zip the garment up, but the zipper somehow got split. I have no idea how, though! ;-P

Of course, the back shot was necessary. Looks like it fits him well, though, right? Like it was custom made, just for him? I agree.

Hmmmm....

Apparently, Ben's girlfriend Kat loved it. She even told me that she will take me to lunch because I afforded her the opportunity to see Ben in such attire. Yes, to be honest, I find that bizarre. I had always made an effort to keep the guys I've dated OUT of girl's clothes. Kat did, however, get more than a handful of Ben in the onesie, as you can see.

Not only that, but she also got the opportunity to try on the onesie for herself. In this next photograph, you can see her in the midst of putting this glorious piece of clothing on her body. You can also see where we duct taped the top because of the high-quality thread that was scratching my sensitive skin on my tatas!

Now look at her. She has the most dignified look on her face! And who wouldn't, in a denim halter one-piece jumpsuit?

And, as I am sure that you expected, the fun didn't stop with Kat. Remember the tiny little cute cocktail waitress? The one who is only slightly taller than Rob when he's kneeling? Oh yes. She tried it on as well!

Curti tried to put it on, but it stopped at his hulking calves.

We tried to talk the Gumby's delivery man to try it on, but in a strange turn of events, he was a douchebag. I offered him 39 cents to wear it, and he declined. Said he'd do it for $10, but at that point we were sick of him and just wanted him to leave. Why would we pay him a ton of money to put it on when Ben and Rob were there to do it for free?

That was pretty much the end of that night, but it is not where the story ends.

The next morning, I left my onesie with the gentlemen. I figured they'd have more use for it now than me, and I didn't think it was that flattering to my figure anyway - haha.

A couple days later, my phone rang again. Caller ID said "Devin Harris." I answered, and he asked if I knew who he was again. I asked him if he planned on asking me that every time we talked, and if he just liked hearing his name or something.

Well, it turns out, he had a good reason to ask if I knew who he was.

He was Dustin the boxer!

He explained to me that Devin had his phone for a little while, which is why I thought that it was Devin's second cell phone. He told me that if I wanted, he would tell Devin to call me, but he thought that Devin was busy at that moment. I told him not to worry about it, all I wanted to tell Devin was that he looked creepy in the picture we had taken. He then invited me to some cookout, that Devin apparently also was going to be attending.

After I got off the phone, I texted the other number I had for Devin, and said "Apparently I've been texting your friend Dustin for the last couple days. I just wanted to tell you that you look creepy in the picture we took."

He wrote back, "Who is Dustin?"

I explained that I had texted his friend Dustin, the boxer whose phone he had on Friday night.

Turns out, Devin doesn't know anyone named Dustin. Had no idea who it was. He told me tha the had only talked to me and texted me on the number that we had been using at that time.

Brut.

I explained to him what Dustin had told me, about spreading the message along to him and such, and about the cookout.

We came up with a plan. When Dustin was to call me back later that night, I was going to tell him that I'd go to the cookout, but that I'd just go with Devin, because I am bad at directions. I was then to tell him that he should just call Devin and give him the address and directions to the place.

We thought it was a brilliant plan, because it would force this guy to either continue to lie to me, which could prove entertaining, or he would have to confess that he didn't actually know Devin, and that he was lying.

So I go to BW3's with Nicole and her brother, and Dustin calls.... I had explained the plan to Nicole, and she thought it was great.

I answered the phone, and as luck would have it, Dustin was actually outside of BW3s. So I hid when he came in, and he left. Brut. Talk about a backfire!

Anyway, he left, and I just stopped answering his calls. I don't want to deal with someone who lies to me, especially not about being friends with Devin Harris. I was never impressed that Freddie and Sharif were friends with Devin, so why would I be that this guy was? I do admit, though, that if it had been Shaq that was in question, I would've been impressed (no offense to Devin - haha).

So now I am thinking that when the guy was talking about his watch, that I was actually talking to Dustin, or one of Dustin's friends.

Oh boy. What an absurd weekend! And yes, it was totally worth giving up my job in the style of Lers!