Thursday, May 24, 2007

Wow.... Several things for you to wrap your mind around!

Alright, I am starting this out with a little anecdote from yesterday at school.

One of my best friends, Lers, and I were standing in her classroom after school, talking during her tutoring/supervision time. All of the sudden, two middle-school-aged boys approached us.

The first said to us, "I am trying to tell him that he is wrong, but he won't believe me. Tell them."

And the second said, "It wants another word for 'shot.' I wrote 'a glass of Tequila.' Isn't that right? That's a shot, isn't it?"

Oh man....

"What was I to do? How was I to procede?" (If you recognize that quote, you can officially consider yourself a rockstar in my book.

And another related quote to recognize and identify....

"You know how people say, YOU'RE OKAY IN MY BOOK, or AND IN MY BOOK THAT'S NO GOOD. Well, I actually have... a book. And everybody I ever met goes in this book. And now I've met you, and... YOU'RE GOING IN THE BOOK TOO. Unfortunately, now I'm gonna have to file you under chicken... shit."

Anyway, Lers and I just kinda looked at eachother in disbelief, and stuttered a little bit in our explanation that we were pretty sure that the teacher was looking for something more medical, like an immunization. Lers was still handling this scenario, when I had to leave because I couldn't really keep my composure....

The second thing that I want to call to your attention is also a little more lighthearted. I have google alerts of Shaq - whenever there is a new article, site, or blog posting about him, I get an e-mail (daily digest) of links, so that I can check stuff out and know important pieces of information, such as when he is going to be on television and so on....

Speaking of, did anyone else catch him on Inside the NBA? First of all, that show is hilarious to start off. Shaq's appearance made it even better.... And I loved the quote he said - "Life is unfair. You can't even take toothpaste on a plane anymore. It's the law." Oh, absurd. Wow, this blog post is really quoterrific!

Anyway, one of my google news alerts about Shaq sent me to this video, which is short be splendid. Enjoy!


The next two parts of this hodgepodge are things I received from other teachers at my school via email.

This one was from our middle school guidance counselor. It reminds me a lot of the DMB video "Everyday." It also reminds me of this 7th grader that gives me a hug every day after school and tells me to have a good day. He is not even one of my students, but he is such a sweetheart!

As small of a gesture it is, it is really appreciated, especially on the days that suck.... It helps me to relax when I know that this little boy is taking the time out of his day to come in my classroom, give me a hug, and wish me well. :-)

Anyway, what I am talking about is the free hug campaign.

How touching is that? I've totally signed up, and am tempted to get one of the shirts, but I am scared that vultures will use it as an excuse to be the creepy little vultures they are. Bru-tal.

Here's a cute little video from YouTube about it.... :-)





And the second thing is the most serious.... I am truly still trying to wrap my mind around it, and let me tell you right now that it is no easy task. I can't believe how much the world is changing and has changed already in my short lifetime! I also can't believe the statistic about government spending on Education.... What message does that send the kids? So ridiculous. I could write forever about this, but instead, I'll let you watch the intensely impactful five-minute slideshow and then form your own opinions and reactions.... But make sure you fill me in on your thoughts, because I am quite curious!


Oh yeah, and please continue to vote for me in the Smashbox Model Search!


SMASHBOX'>http://216.117.193.21/modeling/profile.asp?SmashBox_ProfileID=1245875">SMASHBOX MODEL SEARCH 2007

Monday, May 14, 2007

Vultures, and Michael Douglas in a Bottle

So after my last blog post, about St. Patrick's Day, LL gave me a little bit of shit about the fact that I was posting something two months old, and made some other comment about how absurd and ranom my life is, so I thought I'd go all out and post something really old... Like, still in college really old, since I wasn't blogging then.

Amidst the brainstorming for what to write, I thought back just a couple nights.... This past Saturday, I went to Crystal Lake, IL for a Tia Lyn trunk show (photos below).


Then I went to Westchester, IL, to the Prince's palace to meet up with Cari and Matt (the Prince), and we left immediately for Chicago, to go see Mike and Joe, as well as to celebrate the Prince's 25th birthday and his friend Scooter's 26th birthday (yeah. more birthdays. I survived!).

I'm not sure if I've ever blogged about this glorious band or not, but they are simply amazing. Normally, I don't even listen to the kind of music that they play, but there are very few bands that I would rather go see than Mike and Joe. They are primarily a cover band, but they have some awesome originals as well.... It's basically like going to see like 30 bands live, because thye are able to play the songs either as well as, or better than the original artists.... One summer I saw 60 live acts perform, so I would like to consider myself slightly an expert on this - haha. Anyway, suffice it to say that I've seen some of the bands that Mike and Joe cover, and have decided afterward that I would just rather see Mike and Joe!

Wow, that was quite the tangent, as well as quite the commercial for Mike and Joe. At this point, I may as well mention that you should check out www.mikeandjoe.com to buy cd's of this glorious band, or to see their tour schedule so you can experience it live for yourself.

*end of commercial*

Anyway, I don't know what was up with people this past Saturday at Mike and Joe. It was absurd. Ok, I get hit on here and there. It happens. I'm female. But I don't think I've ever been hit on so badly in my life than this past Saturday.

I don't know what the deal was. I don't think I looked especially good. In fact, I thought I looked like a Sunday School Teacher- I had forgotten my jeans in Milwaukee, so I had to wear what I wore to the trunk show.... Here's some pictures of our group.....

Anyway, not only were people hitting on me frequently, but in the least mature ways possible. This was to the point where if I wasn't having so much fun otherwise, it would've ruined my night. It was even to the point where I said to Danielle, "This is ridiculous.... And I'm not even wearing Michael Douglas in a Bottle!" That will make more sense to you soon! Anyway, the night was heinous brutality. Here are some examples:

1. One guy's approach was to blame the spillage of someone's drink on me, or Cari. First of all, Cari was the designated driver. She had one drink at the very beginning of the night, and then was done. She is a lightweight, but not that bad! I remember the whole night, and this happened early, so I know it was not me! Plus, since Mike and Joe is a situation where you stand the whole time, I drink my drinks fast, because I have to hold them. My glass was half-full (I am an optimist) at the time, so there's now way I could've been the perpetrator of the spillage. Anyway, he got all mad at me, and then I basically told him to leave us alone and that we didn't spill the drink. Like 15 minutes later, he wants to know why I am so cold.

Well, douchebag, why should I be nice to someone whose first conversation with me is accusing my friends and I of being beligerant drink-spillers? Are we serious about life here?

Then he claimed that he came up to me and said hi before that, and I had just turned away.

Negative.

I hadn't seen that man before in my life. I asked him if it had occurred to him that I did not hear him come and say hi to me, and then he started apologizing profusely. Fiff. Too bad I didn't hear this, because he would've been the most impressive guy of the night!

2. When I was walking back to our friends after ordering drinks, some dude grabbed my ass. Is this 5th grade? Then when I immediately turned around to say something, this guy puts his hands up and says "I didn't do it, it was him" and pointed to a guy with both hands full. I'm sure....

3. Speaking of 5th grade, I think that he was still ahead of another guy who sent his friend to talk to Cari to tell me that I am cute and ask if I have a boyfriend. Whaaaaaat? I should've told her to tell him that I don't like guys who don't wear big boy pants.

4. Here's a heinous crime in itself. Cari and I are on our way to the bar, and this guy steps in my way. I step to the left to go around him, and he steps to the right (his right) to continue blocking me. So I step to the right. He steps left. Finally I stutter-step and push him to get around him. Does he really think that getting between my destination and I, especially when that destination involves a drink, is going to be the key to getting my attention in a positive way? Nope. Get a life!

5. And the winner is...... Ok, this guy was so heinous that Matt's friends, some that I had never even met, were getting pissed off. Right away when we got there and were listening to the HEINOUS opening act, he offered Cari a beer. That was a nice gesture, but since she was driving and doesn't drink beer, it was unsuccessful. Well, worry not, this man does not give up. Ever. He then kept trying to dance with us, but I kept pushing him away, or just looking at him like he was insane, or turning around away from him, or dancing with Danielle instead. This didn't work, and at one point, Cari just said "I think you're going to have to be mean." So I said "I'm sorry, but I am here to hang out with all of my friends, and I don't really want to dance with you." You'd think that would be effective. Well it would've been, if the goal had been to get the guy to keep trying to dance with me, or to stand a few feet away and stare at me creepily. It got to be so bad that Matt's friends were pretending to dance with me, and then one of them finally went up to a bouncer (who looked and behaved like he was in the damn secret service - haha) and told him that if he didn't do something about it, then Matt's friends were going to hurt him. So Secret Service man talked to me and then watched the guy be creepy to me and other girls, went to talk to him for a second, and then the guy ran away. Ha!

Damn vultures!!!!

Here's a picture of Matt's friends imitating Creepy McCreepenstein 3000.

The night was not a loss, though. I got to hang out with Cari, Danielle, the Prince, the pool boy, Scooter, those other friends of Matt and the Pool Boy who were very nice, as well as Megan (who is the handball champion of the world - literally) and Julie.

Plus, I got Joe of Mike and Joe to shout out Matt and Scooter's birthday... And I got the chance to talk to Joe for a little while between sets and after the show, and he was incredibly nice and down-to-earth, so that was good.

There's also the absurdity afterward at McDonald's when a beligerant Prince Matt was exceedingly disappointed with the service at 4am, and kept referring to the employees as "fucking jerkoffs" and "fucking assclowns." I'm sure it's one of those "you had to be there" things, but it was hilarious.

Overall, though, due to the awesomeness of my friends, friends of friends, and Mike and Joe, it was a great night! (I kinda giggled when I just typed about the awesomeness of Mike and Joe because I was babbling about that a little to Joe, and then I was convinced that I sounded like I was hammered, so then I started babbling about not being hammered... It was ridiculous. I don't think my mind was all there that night!).
Wow. I was supposed to be writing about something from a couple years ago, and I've gone off on a tangent again! Yikes. No wonder these bad boys end up being so long!

Alright. Here it is. The story I intended to write!

I'm sure you all know who Michael Douglas is. He's been in way more movies than you'd guess, I think. Danielle and I once decided that we were going to watch all of Michael Douglas' movies. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Anyway, it is well-known that Senor Douglas (if you will, and I know you will!) is a sex addict. It is also a well-known fact that he played a leading role in the movie "Basic Instinct."

Anyway, a couple years ago, I hosted a Pure Romance party at Danielle's and my apartment up in Madison. One of the things they sell is this oil that you put on as perfume. It apparently has pheromones in it, and is supposed to attract the opposite sex, so much so that on the bottle it says "Sex attractant." The name of the stuff is called "Basic Instinct."

Well, Danielle and I both bought it. I don't know what happened to mine - I think my exboyfriend stole it (haha). But Danielle still has hers. Let me tell you, this stuff smells amazing. I'm going to have to reorder some.... But we don't really wear it much, and Danielle lets me use hers whenever I want, so I suppose it's not urgent.

Danielle and I were a little put off by the fact that the label says "Basic Instinct Sex Attractant" so we decided to rename it. Fortunately for us, it came with a piece of foam around it that was easy to write a new name upon. We decided, since it was in the middle of our quest to watch all the Michael Douglas movies, to rename this product "Michael Douglas in a bottle" because of his allure to the opposite sex as well as his role in Basic Instinct. So the bottle still says that to this day.

Danielle and I decided to do a bit of a social experiment. We dressed as we normally would to go out on a Saturday night in Madison, but we decided to throw on some Michael Douglas in a Bottle and see if this stuff worked.

In these days, it was different. We didn't go straight to Brother's and stay there until Dan kicked us out. Somehow, we managed to fit an obscene amount of bars into one night. I still don't know how we did it. We'd go out at 11-1130ish and still get to four bars and drink at all of them before bar time.

This night, we started at the State. We'd start far away, and slowly move back towards our apartment, stopping at bars in between.

Nothing really exciting happened at the State.... We drank and moved on to Paul's Club. This bar is a place that is frequented by more mature individuals, and is cool because there is a huge tree in the middle of the bar.

While we were waiting in line, a strange man started talking to us. We'll label this as occurance #1.

This man was doing a lot of mumbling, but the first intelligible thing he told me was that he was friends with my dad. Well, that's great, sir, but I don't believe you. He stayed and waited in line with us awhile, and then shared with us that his profession was a carpet cleaner. We talked to him a little bit about this, which was just about as fascinating as it sounds.

Next topic? He is also a war veteran. I don't remember which wars he served in (I feel like he mentioned several wars, and I think that it was impossible for him to serve in all of the wars he mentioned, but this was a couple years ago, so please forgive me for my lack of detail recall!). He even showed us his veteran card, as well as several different ID's (one of which he said was proof that he was friends with my dad, although I couldn't comprehend why, and was past the point of asking questions). It was quite interesting.

Then he really dropped the bomb on us. He was an aboriginee! Who knew? I think I speak for both Danielle and I when I say that we did not expect this tidbit of information. I had never met an aboriginee before, and it is probably safe to say that I still haven't. I wish I could say that this story had some sort of fascinating ending, but I can't. For some crazy reason that I still can't wrap my mind around (haha), the bouncer at Paul's Club would not let this man in, and as we entered, he kept mumbling about being friends with my dad, being an aboriginee, and a war veteran.

Onward and upward inside of Paul's Club. In Paul's Club, nothing really spectacular occurred, other than the fact that a group of businessmen who went to college together paid for all of our drinks, and gave us their business cards. We were just barely starting to feel the effects of Michael Douglas in a Bottle's power.

Next stop was Bullfeathers. Now, let me first say that Bullfeather's has been through some changes over the years. It used to be a hotspot for underaged people - my ex went there when he was 17, I'm pretty sure. In my glory days of Feather's, it was known as being kinda a ghetto place to go. It's in a basement, first of all. Also, more 'ghetto-ish' people went there than most other bars. And, what drew me to it, they played more rap and hip hop than most other places.

Another thing that made Bullfeathers an attractive place to go was Simon. I'm not trying to say that Simon himself was attractive, but he had his definite benefits. I met Simon while relaxing on the terrace with Rachel, one of my friends from college (who I miss - come home soon, damnit!). One thing my mom taught me was to always make friends with bartenders and remember their names. Well, that worked out in this case for sure! After that sunny afternoon on the Memorial Union terrace, every time I went to Bullfeathers, I said hi to Simon. He rarely remembered my name, but always claimed to remember meeting me. So, he gave us drinks for like a dollar or something. Glorious!

Anyway, D and I were waiting outside of Bullfeathers (the line used to be heinous at times in those days. Now, there are only like 4 people inside, and no line). There was a chick standing outside in serious stripper boots - they were like thigh-high stillettos with the platform bottoms... We're clearly talking about the epitome of classy. And when I say "we're," I meant the guys behind us, who were also men in their forties and back for the football game. One of them loudly said "Wow, she looks like a stripper in those boots," or something of the sort, in his deep, manly voice.

The stripper-esque girl immediately shot me the death stare. What? Me? Why you mad at me? I don't talk like a man! I can't throw my voice! Recognize, beeyotch!

Anyway, this gave the gentleman who actually did insult the ho-bag a great excuse to start talking to D and I. We didn't talk about anything fascinating. In fact, I think most of the conversation was talking about the stripper boots incident and then me giving him shit for being a Gopher (Minnesota sucks!). Either Michael Douglas in a Bottle was having a phenomenal effect on such a gentleman, or the conversation was stimulating as a mo-fo, because when we finally got in, the man attempted to give me $20 to drink with the rest of the night. What?

Who does that? First of all, $20 is enough to be drunk for a week at Bullfeathers, especially apparently for those wearing MD in a B. Second of all, what? Are you really paying us to talk to you? Ridiculous. I couldn't take it.

So then we walk in and get our id's checked, and this guy looks at Danielle, and drops is drink. Hey-oh! I know she's hot, but seriously, hold onto your glass my man!

The next situation is what really made the night absurd. Well, I suppose the aboriginee guy helped the absurdity level a bit as well!

So Danielle and I are standing in our usual spot (which was always inadvertantly under a vent that blows cold ass air), enjoying overly-strong, low-priced drinks, when a girl comes up and starts talking to us.

Situation seems pretty normal at first, although it isn't often that girls approach other girls...

Then all of the sudden it gets weird....

She says, "I feel really weird asking this, but you seem like a nice girl..."

And I start to get scared....

".... but do you think you could give my friend a lap dance?"

WHAAAT? If there were sound effects on here, I would have that sound of a record going crazy.... Or the sound that a video makes if you rewind it with the volume way up. Or a car slamming on the breaks.

Did that girl seriously ask me to give her friend a lap dance?

My jaw just dropped open. I don't even know how Danielle reacted at first, because honestly, I was catatonic, I think.

But wait, there's more! Just when you didn't even think it was possible, this girl managed to dig herself an even deeper hole.

She went on to tell me that she was looking around the bar, and that I was someone that she thought would do it.

WHAAAAT?

Those of you who know me know that I am not really so much of a scandalous dresser. I just looked at her, and asked if she was serious, and whether she thought I looked like a slut.

Then she got all flustered and tried to explain that the kid in question, who was in need of a lap dance, was the son of a preacher man, and that she didn't want anyone slutty to be doing it, but that I seemed fun and classy, and really cool, and then she thought that maybe I would do it. She also, of course, tried to butter me up and tell me that her friend thought I was gorgeous, or something like that.

Ok, that's a little better, but am I really the kind of girl that will go and give some random ass individual a lap dance?

I told her that I didn't think I would be participating, and wished her good luck in finding someone.

She left, and after a little while, some other chick came up and talked to us, which, like I said, was weird. Just doesn't happen often. I can't recall what the discussion was, just that she wasn't very interesting of a person.

Then Danielle and I were alone again to discuss life and politics and philosophy. Oh wait.... It's probably much more likely that we were sitting around and making fun of people.

Not too long into our making fun of people (well, let's be honest. I was probably making fun of people, and sweet Danielle was probably laughing), the lapdance girl came back and said that she felt really bad for insulting me, and she wanted to buy Danielle and I each a drink for being so cool and understanding of the situation.

That was nice, so we accepted. The girl left, and we drank the aforementioned drinks.

Meanwhile, Danielle and I are kinda keeping an eye on this girl and her group of friends (all guys), and seeing if anyone has taken them up on their offer. No one did. I started to feel bad for taking the drinks, and thought the girl was super nice.... And I think the hella-strong drinks at Feather's were taking effect, because I decided I'd go and say hi to the group.

So I did.... And I got over there, and a good song came on.... Perhaps it was Mystikal? I don't know, it was a couple years ago.... Anyway, I danced around in front of the kid a little bit, for perhaps 30 seconds. Not IN his lap or anything. The reactions of him and his friends were hilarious. They thanked me immensely, and we all went on our way.

The rest of the night was uneventful. I don't know if it was a full moon, if there were just a ton of bizarre people in town, or if it really was Michael Douglas in a Bottle that was to blame. All I know is that MD in a B should be used with caution!

And P.S. I am pretty sure my "lap dancing" days are over, so don't get any ideas!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

SPD07

So they say a picture speaks a thousand words.... Here are about a thousand pictures. Not so many words, though.... Mostly, to be honest, because I don't remember most of the night. I think that was because very shortly after my arrival to the bar, Curti got me a couple shots of Pat Ron that I did in rapid succession. Bru-tal.

Anyway, after over a month, here is a photo essay of St. Patrick's Day 2007, with a couple of comments and explanations thrown in wherever....

First pic up, is Curti and I!



And next, we have Mara, Jamie and Lisa. How cute!?



A great pic of the five of us celebrating in our green! Mara, Danielle, Jamie, LL, and I!




Evidently there was a dart game, and Jamie won it....



Look at how cute Danielle and Curti are!





That is some serious head-tiltage! And yeah, people thing it's funny to capture me with my phone in my hand, mid-text!




Jonathan and I.... Nice to see him!



Danielle and Mara....


Danielle and Curti, one of the many times he picked her up....




Sexay!




Everyone loves an Irish girl!




Yes, I understand completely why Curti is biting my hat, as well as why I am making that face, and why Mara is playing Vanna White here.... Oh wait. No I don't!



Hey! It's Tyler! And I am apparently surprised about this!



I'm also apparently surprised that Armando is kissing me on the cheek!




Aww, look at Ben and I! Doesn't it look like such a cute and normal picture?


Word on the street is that the picture below is a shot of the celebration from the picture above turning out so well. Way to go us!

Me and Rob, also looking surprisingly normal...



The picture below captures how many shots Rob had done at about 1am.... Bru-tal!




Mara and Rob... and a random shocker!



Look at Mara! She's a giant! Way taller than both Ben and Rob!




I apparently also wanted to be taller than Ben and Rob, but instead of making them squat, I thought it would be better if they just lifted me. Hey-oh!



Awwww....



Hotness!


And the hotness continues.... Seriously, I think my facial muscles were just spasming at their own will that night....



Awww, look! It's Pet and Danielle!



:-)



Yikes.


So it was then that we encountered the leprechaun....


'Mando and Mara.... Yeah, this picture makes me think of Unagi, too!



Surprise! (I don't know what the surprise is....)



Cuteness!



And here, ladies and gentleman, is what we call a "gold medal dance orgy," which, for some reason, LL is trying to escape!


"To me, it look like a leprechaun to me. All you gotta do is look up in that tree. Who all see a leprechaun, let me hear you say 'YEAAAAAAAAH!'"



Although it isn't the first picture that made me wonder from this night, (nor is it the last). this one is definitely a picture that made me wonder, "What is wrong with me?" The other ladies look adorable, though!



Aww, look at these two BFF's!




A hug from Pet, and a cute laugh from Mara and Lisa.... could things get much better?



Well, there it is. St. Patrick's Day 2007 in pictures. I wonder if we can top this absurdity next year?!

Seriously, who crashes a bridal shower?

I had been craving a cheeseburger for awhile. Not just any cheeseburger, but Kewpee's cheeseburgers. They are the best in the world. Literally. It's science.

My good friends Mara and LL had mentioned that they had never really experienced Racine, my hometown. I couldn't believe it. I figured that they should really experience such a place, and that they should definitely at least leave with a good taste in their mouths.... Well.... I tried.

Mara had a Saturday off, so she came down from Madison to Milwaukee. After getting lost in many of the most absurd of ways, she finally made it to our house, and we made the short trip from the Mil to Raycilla, Wiscompton.

I'd like you to take a moment to check out "Welcome to Wisconsin" by the Raytown Hustlas - www.myspace.com/theraytownhustlas. It's also not a bad idea to catch the documentary "World's Best Prom" which actually is about my prom (www.worldsbestprom.com). I'm in it for about one tenth of a second, haha. Both of these masterpieces give you a good idea about Raytown, if the following story doesn't tell you enough.

Anyway.

So we go to Kewpees, and I get my usual. Two cheeseburgers, fries, and a rootbeer. The other girls order the same thing, but didn't realize that the cheeseburgers are normal-sized, and so they were in over their heads a bit. Oh well, turns out we'd need the good base anyway.

Then we decide to check out one of Racine's best parts - downtown. Main Street shopping, specifically. It was nice. A highlight included a cute new store called "Elegant Pauper" which included many items that had a map of Wisconsin, complete with a star on Racine and the phrase "Racine: The Hamptons of the Midwest," on them. That is so ironic and ridiculous, it's not even funny. Oh wait. It's actually hilarious.

I figured while I was in town, the girls should meet my mom. They'd been dying to anyway, and I thought it would really round out a great Racine experience.

I called my mom, and she was at a bridal shower. Darn.

Called her again later. She was still there.

"Why don't you guys just stop by?" she says.

"We aren't invited. We can't just crash a bridal shower!" says I.

"Sure you can. Here's the address."

So off we were, on for another adventure.

I told LL and Mara - "Why do I have a feeling that we won't even make it back to Milwaukee, and that we'll end up getting hammered at this little party?"

Called it. Well, almost.

So we get to the party, and it's a pretty standard Racine crowd, except for this absurd squirrel, who was in the bird feeder.





The party's theme was a luau. This reminded me of an absurd night spent in Madison during which a very drunk friend of mine went around asking people "Do you like luaus and shit?" and handing out flyers to someone who he didn't even know's party. That night, and that guy, are an entirely different story, however, and it is time to get to this luau.

In the picture below (from left to right), we have Mr. Turkowski, whose house was used for the party. Then next is JoJo, who used to babysit me as a child. In lime green, taking a drink, is Melissa, the bride-to-be. Next is Cheryl, who is pretty close to having the quote of the day for that day. I'll get to that in a second. And finally, we have Becky, who will also require more explanation.



So. Cheryl's quote. I was talking about a bizarre experience I had with a date who showed up to my house wearing mal-fitting clothes (among other bizarrities - yes, I am aware that I most likely made up that word there). Cheryl says, "Oh, his clothes don't fit? And he knows where you live? I'd move. People whose clothes don't fit usually end up being stalkers."

What?

The reason that would be a quote of the day is pretty clear, I think. Hilarious!

And Becky. She's quite the feisty one. I've known her since I was a small child. She's my aunt's best friend, and is more or less (more more than less) hysterical. This day was no exception.

So we get to the party, and immediately get lei'ed, and are handed tropical rubber duckies, as well as festive glasses with floral straws. I fill my glass with a margarita. I mean really, when the choice is between something that has Tequila in it, and something that does not, is it really even a choice? Let's be serious about life for one second. The answer is no.

Mara and LL had some sort of Wap punch. I believe it involved Champagne, which would've been intriguing to me (I love Champagne), if it weren't for that whole Tequila thing, especially since it was right after my trip to Austin (which I still have to blog about.... Waiting for pictures from John to add to the story). Plus, I was driving, so there was a one-drink rule in effect for me!

Here's Mara, caught by surprise on the left, and LL on the right, enjoying the festivities.




And because I'm nice (although not nice enough, apparently, to not post the caught by surprise one), I did a re-do on the picture for Mara's sake. And here it is!




You may be wondering, "How is it that Cheryl didn't win the quote of the day hands down with that absurdity?"

Well, it's because my mom just may have taken the cake.

Because I have no attention span and can't sit still oftentimes, I kept squeezing my rubber ducky, which caused him to squeak.

Kim, the mother of the bride, said "I didn't know that the duckies squeaked."

It was time for my mom to dole out her motherly wisdom. Here's the bomb she dropped....

"Yeah, he squeaks until you fill him up with alcohol and suck his butt!"

Whaaaaat? Really?

Hilarious.

I was later to be admonished for misquoting her as talking about sucking ass. Not yelled at for saying ass, but just for misrepresenting the situation. Obviously.

Here is another shot of the party.... My aunt Laura is the redhead on the left. Next is the daughter of the people whose house the luau was at. Then there's Mom, looking festive indeed.





The luau started to die down, so we decided that it was time to take the part elsewhere, but not before I got invited to the wedding. Did we go to Milwaukee right away as planned? No, we most certainly did not.

I had always wanted to go to a bar on South Memorial Drive called "Cash Money's." Why? Because it is called "Cash Money's" and that is pure comedy, to me.

Why haven't I gone? Because it is on S. Memorial Drive. My mom won't go with me, and she is pretty bad ass, as is my stepdad, who won't go either. But who is the most bad ass of them all? Apparently, Becky is. She said she'd go, and my mom said that she'd go if Becky went, and Auntie Laura's always up for a good time, so let's do it!

But first, it's time to let Trixie, Becky's dog, out. So we go over to her house and let the dog out. In the meantime, Becky takes us to her basement, and offers us anything we want from her bar. "It's just like college," she says, "You're in a musty basement with a bar."

It is at this point that it is clear that Becky did not go to college. Her bar had bottles such as grey goose and Stoli. There was no Ron Diaz, or even Admiral Nelson. There was no Fleishmann's or Buen Amigo. Silly Becky, your liquor is far superior to a basement in most college houses! So I had a Grey Goose Pear and water (it was just ok, nothing I'd get to have at home or anything. Apparently I am not a fan of pear-flavored beverages).

So we move on. Onward and upward? Certainly not.

On the way to Cash Money's, I decide it would be humorous to put on the cowboy hat I obtained during my trip to Texas. It was a gift from the photographer that I worked with whilst there.

Apparently, I was the only person that thought this was funny. No one said anything. I thought it was equivalent to me wearing one of those viking hats with the horns on it, but.... Wrong again. When I asked about it later, I was told it looked cute. This baffles me, but so do a lot of things in life, so I've kinda stopped asking questions at times.

Also, for the record, I am wearing a tuxedo tank top (as you may notice). I'm wearing this because it says, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party." Cool points go to those who get the reference. And, in retrospect, it seems like perfect attire for someone to wear to crash a bridal party luau.

We get to Cash Money's and the door is locked. Brutal. Well, what can we do? We decide to take a picture in front. So Becky takes my camera and takes this picture. Obviously, the sign was the focal point.




Then she moves in a bit closer, so that we are more visible.... My mom is probably saying something hilarious.




Then Becky comes back, and we start talking about how unfortunate it is that there isn't some hooker nearby that we could give a couple bucks to to take a picture with all of us in it, and that we'd chase her down and beat her ass if she tried to steal my camera, when as if from nowhere, a man with very disgusting teeth appeared as if from nowhere.

He was sweeping the sidewalk behind Cash Money's. I have no idea why.

We asked him to take a picture for us, and he did.




What confuses me here is that this man is sweeping the sidewalk, and not shooting for the cover of National Geographic or Vanity Fair. His skills are.... evident?

He informs us that Cash Money's does not open until 7pm. It was almost 6:30. Hell no we are not waiting around to go to Cash Money's. I am sure that I will have another opportunity. The nice man tells us that if we come back, he will take care of us.

I am sure you will, kind sir, I am sure you will.

Next stop? Hi-O Headquarters. This is where I basically grew up. My mom worked here for like 12 years or something.

One special treat that we enjoyed whilst at Hi-O was Broadway Bake's World Famous Pizza. What? You've never heard of it before?

Weird!




See the sign below? My mom made it like.... 20 years ago, or something crazy like that.





Here's LL and Mara, below, with their first Shorties. I did not partake, because I do not like beer. I had one Captain and Diet, and then several waters.




I wish I could say that a whole bunch of crazy stuff happened at Hi-O, but it didn't. Being in that place is an indescribable experience. I can't really do it justice with words.
My mom and I played some songs on the jukebox, and I sang my heart out while getting my ass kicked at darts. I am very inconsistent, and it just wasn't my night.
Before departure to move on back to Milwaukee, I needed a picture with my mom and aunt....



Ooops. My ridiculous hat was now blocking my aunt's eye. Re-do!




Much better. Thank goodness for my trademark head-tilt!
Notice that my lei has now become a tutu. Hotness!
Next stop was wing stop. That was funny because all three of us really had to go to the bathroom, and none of us wanted to do so at Hi-O (for good reason), so the first thing we did was hit the bathroom.
The man running the place asked us if we were alright and if we were going to eat there. Haha, as though we would just use the bathroom in a restaurant and then leave? Heinous!
Then we got our wings. They weren't terrible. Apparently, they are Troy Aikman's favorite. I think the quote on the packaging and such there was "These are the best wings I've ever had in my life - Troy Aikman." Ridiculous. And, for the record, they don't even hold a candle to the wings at the Brodeo.

We ate our wings, then decided that we were too tired and not feeling the whole idea of getting dressed up and going to such places as Hi-Hat (where I now work!) and so on, so we just went as we were to Murphy's. Always an experience. We were exhausted, so we had one long island each, played a couple games of photo hunt, and a couple games of darts.
People were commenting annoyingly about my hat (compliments, but given by drunken douchebags. Brutal.), and we were just way too tired, so we called it a night. Home before 1am!
I swear, Raycilla, Wiscompton really just sucks the life right out of you!