Digital Stone

My mom has cancer.

She is in surgery right now, as I type, back in Raytown. And today's holiday is "Disaster Day."

I have been struggling with how to blog this. I knew I should do it, but couldn't bring myself to.

It has been hard.

One of the hardest things has been telling other people.

The first person I had to tell was Danielle. It was so hard. I had to say it, and saying it made it real.

The next few people I told were via text. LL already knew, because my mom emailed her and asked her to call her, because my mom didn't want me to be alone that night (which ended up happening anyway, but it was kinda by choice). At least with text, I was able to delete it right away. I didn't have to read it over and over.

But here it is, in my blog. I've also emailed it a couple times.

To me, that is like putting it in stone. Digital stone.

The whole thing leading up to finding out has been a huge roller coaster.

The night before there was any mention, I found out that a friend of mine's mom has a rapidly growing cyst on her ovary. I'd been thinking of this friend all day when I went to learn to be a judge for forensics meets and listened to a girl do her prose selection in which the narrator's little brother dies of leukemia. So to make a long story short, I was in a compromised mental state, focused on cancer.

Then I went up to my classroom and read an email in which my mom said that she appreciated the smart ass email I had sent her, because she needed a laugh. Apparently she had been to the doctor for her yearly mammogram, and needed to go back for further testing, because there was a lump.

At the time that I read it, the woman I share my classroom with was in here. So I held my composure. Unless I am hammered or there is something completely catastrophic, I don't cry in front of people, especially if they are not my very very close friends.

Once she left, I lost it.

On my way home, I called my mom, and was going to try to keep my composure and be strong for her.

Well, she didn't answer, because she was at night class.

I had obviously forgotten about the night class.

Farbeit for me to overreact.... I thought that either she wasn't answering because she was crying, or because something worse happened and they were in the hospital or something.

So I just start crying hysterically and leave this crying ass message on the answering machine, which really freaked Marv out, who heard the message, but didn't pick up the phone, since he never does.

When I got home, I went straight to sleep.

My mom finally called back right at 8 and told me that it was nothing - it was some lump that they found like 7 or 8 years ago, that she had already told me about, that she had named Clarence. I apparently didn't remember because it was right when I was leaving for college.

Apparently, she named in Clarence because Clarence was Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver's real name. Yeah, I know. Sounds like something I would do. That's what everyone says!

A couple days later, she found out it wasn't that lump, but it was microcalcifications, and that 80% of the time they are nothing. She would get a biopsy, though, the following Tuesday.

Tuesday came, she got her biopsy.

Then Thursday. Found out she has cancer.

Now it's Tuesday again, and she's in surgery. She has been for over three hours now. I am getting nervous.

I know she'll be fine, though. Mamalicious is a bad ass.

And there are a lot of people praying for her - both to God and to Allah!

Plus, she always says that since only the good die young, that she will likely live to be over three hundred.

Cari sent me a link to something I think I am going to do.... It's the 3 day. I am going to start a team (please send me suggestions for the names!) and each team member (so far it's Cari and I) has to raise at least $2200, and has to walk 60 miles over three days.

Once I think of a team name and sign up, I'll post information on how people can either join the team or donate to the cause. The money goes to the Susan G. Komen foundation.

Alright.... I am going to leave school and go worry someplace else. I was going to go down to Racine, but with the impending blizzard, it seems like not the best idea. Brutalities.

P.S. I apologize if this blog is a little off - I didn't proof read, and I wrote half during my lunch and half after school. Plus, my mind is elsewhere. Hopefully the funny blogs about my ridiculous adventures and misadventures will resume very soon. Maybe even tonight! Next blog will likely detail what I learned from Nicole the transsexual at Leather & Lace night, as well as talk about the other... interesting things we observed there!