Moving on....
So, during my Spring Break, a whole bunch of us were supposed to go down to Chicago to go see White Shadow spin at Manor, and just have a change of scenery.
Well, all kinds of catastrophes occurred, and it ended up being Paul and I. It was already going to just be ridiculous!
Our hotel was gorgeous. Here is a picture of us in the lobby just before we headed out. I would show you a closer up picture, but I think it would scare you, and that is not the objective! For some reason, for the life of us, Paul and I can't take a decent picture together. Kinda sad for two Ford models, don't you think?
We got to Manor, and told the doorman we were friends of White Shadow.
For the rest of this portion of the blog, I think I am going to have to go a little racial and call White Shadow "White Paul" and then call Paul, the Asian guy who does tricks at Decibel, "Asian Paul." It's obnoxious to keep using "White Shadow," but the multiple Pauls make it confusing!
Anyway, so the dude at the door very formally tells us that they honor Paul's guestlist, and lets us in.
We go say hi, and then get drinks and shots.
Soon we find ourselves in a weird location where air is blowing strongly at me. It reminds me of Cinco de Mayo last year, and since LL was too sick to come, I texted her that I was going to be fan girl again, and she asked for a picture. Here it is!
Soon after we park ourselves there, this very drunk girl comes and asks me to rescue her from some creepy guy.
We take her over by us, and talk to her awhile.
Next thing we know, she goes over to this guy and starts kissing him. We walk over to make sure things are ok, and he says that he just wants to make sure she gets home safely.
Now, unless he was being incredibly fake to us, this girl was just absurd. How stupid? If you don't want to be by a guy, don't go over to him and kiss him! This is why I don't have many female friends. They would all have fat lips.
Next I decided I would go by White Paul and take a picture with him. He was the photographer, and it is obviously a work of art.
Then later we went back, and Asian Paul decided he'd grind on him. Hilarious.
After Manor closed, we were supposed to wait for White Paul to go to some place that is open later. Apparently there is a shuttle. While waiting, people kept asking us to leave (how rude!) so White Paul came out and got us and brought us into some kitchen. Then we shuttled over to the next place, and somehow ended up in the kitchen again.
Maybe we were spending so much time in the kitchen because Asian Paul was hungry.
Here he is trying to eat White Paul!
His mouth looks like a fish's.
The next obvious thing would be for the three of us to take a picture together.
So, we made a Mandie sandwich with Paul bread.
I love how Asian Paul and I are grabbing White Paul's ass!
Soon after, we had a few more drinks (I know, shocking), and it was time to retire.
We hopped in a cab, and it was going to be quite the ride.
Turns out, we had the awesomest cab driver ever!
His name was Russo, and he loved Old School Rap, particularly from the West Coast. What was confusing, though, was that he was planning on moving to Miami.
Anyway, we were listening to all kinds of jams.... Tupac, Onyx. Yeah, that's right. Onyx! He was so pumped that we liked his music that he even showed us all of the cds he had. That was pretty unnecessary, since most were burned cds and we couldn't even tell what they were.
We had so much fun rockin' out with Russo that we even sat in the cab an extra 15 or so minutes enjoying his music!
Then it was time to get out, but we wanted to document our fun with Russo, so we did a little photoshoot with him. First is the three of us....
Then Paul and Russo, throwin' up the deuces....
Next is Russo and I. As I said, he loves the West Coast. He kept saying "West West, Y'all!"
P.S. He had an Italian accent or something.
When we got back to the hotel, Paul decided he'd be a chameleon in the hallway. This theme would repeat...
A couple days of photoshoots later, and we're at Decibel, finishing up my Spring Break.
Streetz was there, so of course we needed to take the obligatory picture with him, LL and I!
And, as is tradition, I had to wear his shoes!
It was this night that Nate and I decided that together, as one, we shall be called "Mate." We took a picture to commemorate such things.
The next day was the last official day of my Spring Break, however the real world was not going to be setting in immediately, as I had jury duty instead of school the first days back. That means that I didn't really have to be all that responsible that Sunday night, since I would just have to be physically present at the courthouse, and not necessarily at the top of my game (especially since I never got selected to be a juror and just sat in the waiting room and blogged).
Anyway, after a nice round of bowling and a couple rounds of drinks at iPic, we went over to the Bottle. It was pretty much a Decibel event!
LL, myself, Maj and Rachel tried to capture a special moment, with Maj kissing me, but Sensual Amber got in the way!
Re-do!
Next was time for another group picture of the ladies! This was partially because I almost walked in on a discussion about the Mamalitia fundraiser, and Nate, Drew, Paul, Shawn and JJ told me to go away because it was boys time!
Next, we have a picture of Danielle and LL.... As you can see, LL g-snatched Paul's hat. She would wear it the rest of the night!
At some point, Paul decided that we should get pictures of everyone we know giving their "Chink Steel" look. So, we did, and here's the slideshow!
I am not positive that it is going to work, but I think that if you click on the link, you should be able to find it or something. Struggle.
CHINK STEEL MONTAGE
While a montage of Chink Steel is an amazing showing of our friends, Amber also amazingly enough organized a big group picture of all of our friends that were out that night!
I think that it was actually taken by a giant mutant that would drive me nuts the two following days by snoring and talking in his sleep during the entirety of jury duty. Bru-tality.
From left to right.... Malcolm, some dude, Tiffany, Drew, Joe, JJ, LL, Shawn up top, Crispy, Nicole, Amber, some other dude, Nate, Spencer, Jackie, me, Maj, Rachel, Danielle, and Paul. What a crew!
When we were planning to leave, Danielle decided she wasn't going to be able to safely drive if she finished her drink. Of course, I stepped up to the plate....
Yeah, I was double fisting with two different drinks. Yummy.
This must've sent me over the edge, as on our way to our cars to head over to the Decible, I decided that it would be a fantastic idea to try to jump onto Paul's back.
SO, I did. Paul was not very helpful. He ducked.
I do not know how low he ducked, or if I have some crazy jumping abilities, but I jumped completely over him. Not one part of us made contact.
LL states that it was one of the funniest things she had ever seen in her life, but both she and Paul were concerned that I had face planted and seriously injured my face.
Worry not, that is not the case. All I got was a bruise on my elbow, and a little bit of stigmata on my right hand.
As I mentioned before, LL stole Paul's hat.
App a rent ly, he had a backup.
Here they are, sporting almost matching hats.
So the week went on... I don't really think anything exciting happened, but on that Saturday night, I definitely took a picture in Streetz's shoes. Obligatory tradition... Love it!
Before I had gone out that night, I had painted my toenails, and at some point my bins of nail polish fell and one bottle broke. This made supernose incredibly angry and actually made me get very nauseous and unable to do much for most of the next day!
We were supposed to all go to the Brewer game, but I had to sit the whole thing out...
Paul and LL went instead, and had quite the adventure. They definitely earned the Pancreas Cup again. My mom thinks that the only way that the Pancreas Cup will be passed on to someone is if it gets buried with them.
Anyway, much like the last Pancreas Cup blog entry, I am going to copy and paste Paul's email to Mamalicious to tell the tale.
And without further ado...
Oh Mamalicious. I am sure you were wondering why on earth did you receive a text and an obnoxious voicemail from me last night. Well, it took me all day to piece together the events of April 6th, 2008, but I think you will be thoroughly entertained. This is so long I have to break it up into two parts.
LL had bought tickets for herself, Mandie, and I to go to the Brewer's game on Sunday. After a long night of beveraging on Saturday Mandie was not really feeling all to well and opted not to go. LL texted me and asked if I still wanted to go. I said "Of course."
The game was at 1:05 and we did not show up until 1:30. When LL and I got there, the parking attendants told us that the entire parking lot for all of Miller Park was full. Ridiculous I thought, but what can you do when a 67 year old man angrily tells you that you cannot park there. Plus, he was really kind not to offer any other solution. Thank God for Long Wong's Chinese American Sports Bar (Don't ask).
So LL and I parked in a church parking lot, seeing as though it was Sunday. We walked to Long Wong's and got a ride on their shuttle. Only we never set foot into Long Wongs and were greeted by a pair of mutants also going to the game.
We finally arrive to the game and we learned that it was Prince Fielder bobblehead day. So both LL and I received a bobblehead to carry around for the entire day. We walk inside and the first order of business was to eat.
We both get brats and LL had tickets for free small soft drinks. LL got a Diet Pepsi and I did not get one right away but I soon learned that I should have. While we were trying to pay for our food somehow the concession man, another 67 year old, ended up discounting our brats and I only paid for 1.5 brats. SWEET!
After destroying my brat I was not ready to begin beveraging but I did need something to drink. So I decided to use my free small drink ticket. We went to another concession stand for my soda and I received what I refer to as a dixie cup of soda. LL's soda was a lot larger than the one I had just received. I totally got robbed or the 67 year old totally hooked LL up. Either way lame!
After walking for a bit around the park we decided it was time for a beverage. LL went and got a margarita. I wanted a Captain and Coke, so we went to Friday's. After we get our drinks, who do we run into? None other than Scott Sloan. This is the turning point for our day.
Scott is four Long Island Iced Teas in and already showing signs of over intoxication. He was accompanied by Neal Steffek who owns a bar in West Allis. We decided to join them. They were meeting another friend Keith Albert. Who LL describes as all legs. Keith is about 6'7" but all of it is in his legs. So it is Scott, Neal, LL, Keith, Keith's friend, and I all at Friday's not watching the game and drinking. Out of the blue 6 shots of Jameson make their way to our table. These are the largest shots of Jameson I have ever seen. I believe I described them as "shots the size of your fist". Well, that was the beginning of the end.
Keith decided that he wanted to go to his seat and we decided to follow and heckle Keith. All the way to his seat we convinced everyone around us that Keith was a Cubs fan. So many boos ensued. Once, Keith got to his seat we were out of options to heckle. At some point LL slapped me.
LL needed another drink as did I. On our way to get another drink I purchased what seemed to be the "largest pretzel alive!". So, I bought one. It was a "sweaty" pretzel and after two bites was gone. No, I did not finish the pretzel in two bites but rather it fell apart in two bites. As I trying to swallow the neverending bite of pretzel I stumbled into the area where they make the pretzels guarded by another 67 year old man. I like to think his name was Otis. I am pretty sure I am wrong on this one. He would not let me make a pretzel. LL slapped me again.
After being kicked out of the pretzel kitchen we proceeded to and outside bar where people to who smoke can get drinks without leaving the stadium. On the way Scott references that he enjoys making children cry. Pretty much every kid that walked by he would shout at them "Derrick Turnbow!" They did not find this at all amusing but rather frightening. We finally get our drinks and I think I have mostly 90% Captain in it. Turns out that Scott knew the bartender.
After our drinks we walk back to Fridays where LL meets up with an old friend from school. At the same time LL and I were getting quite inebriated. LL was then approached by not one but two lesbians. Awesome! As Scott, Neal, and I were watching these events unfold for LL I could not help but think that I needed another shot. So this time it was a shot the size of your fist of Jager.
Somewhere in all of this chaos I was asked if LL was my girlfriend. I just responded "I was just adopted." At this time LL thought it would be funny to try to hit me in the testicles. She just gets me just right and I drop to ground in pain. She figured since she didn't pay anyone to punch me on Monday that she would just take matters into her own hands. It was more economically viable.
We finally leave the game through the employee's exit because Neal used to work at Friday's. I was promising Scott that I would fuck him up when we leave the park. I did not want to be a liar. So as we walked out I tackled Scott to the ground. It was great. Oh yeah and we lost Neal.
Next, we were walking by this fenced area where someone had left the gate open. There was a chair and couple of rolling bins turned upside down. LL thought it would be a great idea if I got in one. So, I did and Scott got in the other. After messing around in some ridiculous bins, Neal come flying up with his truck. I immediately jump into the shotgun position through the window. My legs were protruding from Neal's truck all the way to LL's car.
After we get to LL's car we decided to go to Potowatomi for food. Lets put it this way. I lost $160 and got some spring rolls. We then get a text from Mandie asking us to visit. So, we go to Mandie's.
I have been heckled by Mandie and LL for the past 4 weeks to get a Facebook account and I refused until yesterday. LL set one up for me since I was unable to move because I was laying on the floor. This is when I called you. I think I texted you from the game. While this is all happening we were trying to get a crew together to go bowling at Ipic.
Ok, so that is where the first edition of Paul's letter to Mamalicious left off, and I will temporarily take over.
And, for the record, I love the fact that that just sounded like a book of the bible... Instead of Paul's letter to the apostles, we have Paul's letter to Mamalicious.
So here is LL creating Paul's facebook account whilst wearing two hats at once.
I was displeased with the difficulty in seeing the multiple hats on LL's head, so I took it again.
So yeah, here's Paul leaving my mom a message on our floor...
Had to pan out for full effect...
So then Paul sat on LL. I do not know why, but it was funny.
Look at the love between these two!
As you can see, Paul has a Wiimote in his hand. He made LL a Mii. It is TERRIFYING. It strongly resembles Michael Jackson.
Anyway, here's further love between the two drunkest people in the United States. I think they still hold the record.
The rest of the story is going to be a mix between Paul's letter to Mamalicious and my commentary added in.
To try to avoid confusion, I will put a "P" before Paul's commentary, and an "M" before my own.
Here we go....
P: Well, now here is the rest of this wonderful tale of debauchery.
We now have gotten Mandie to join our little crew of absurdity. We arrive at Ipic for some bowling. Of course, we are the first ones to arrive. As we were waiting for Maj and Amber to arrive we had a few drinks. Finally, Maj and Amber arrive and we begin bowling.
M: And here is a group picture of us, with Paul trying to replicate LL's tatas.
P: I really don't recall ever finishing the game but I do know that I was trying to be polite and return everyone's bowling shoes all at once. I had about 5 pairs of bowling shoes in arms walking to the front desk. Aren't I a gentleman?
M: And here is Paul with the shoes!
P: We could not leave Ipic until I did my best impression of a chameleon. We were on our way to see Nate at the Wicked Hop.
M: Here's that picture of Paul being the chameleon! It is so much easier to write blogs when Paul writes half of them.
P: We finally set foot into The Wicked Hop and Nate greets us with a beverage. Awesome. We begin to play a game of bar dice. All I know is that I did not lose. More shots ensued. Now, with all of the ridiculousness that is going on we have managed to scare off the other patrons of the bar. Now it's just Nate, the bartender, Maj, Amber, LL, Mandie, and me. Later on, Dustin and Elliot showed up.
M: And here is Dustin and Elliot. Fantastic!
M: So, as the two drunkest people in the United States, LL and Paul were absolutely inseparable.
Evidence to follow....
M: So much love!
P: I kept trying to go behind the bar to help but Nate was not having it. So I found me some ginger ale and a absurdly long straw. So I drank my ginger ale through the long straw which was probably the last drink I would have. Now the next set of events I am not sure how it exactly happened but here goes. As LL and I were professing our totally plutonic love for each other Dustin and Elliot got Jimmy Johns. LL and I were not consulted on such a venture to get food, because you know we could have used it. In my eyes we were never asked. We were told otherwise. All this was happening while I was laying on top of the bar. So it is time for bar close. Most people's evenings would have ended here. Not for this guy.
M: For the record, they were definitely asked, but not really intensely, because they looked like they were in such a deep conversation, we were afraid to interrupt! And here's Paul, laying on the bar!
P: We tried to have an afterbar at Decibel, but that was not in the cards. So, Maj offered to have one at her apartment building in their community room. Well, guess who lives in the same apartment building as Maj? Scott Sloan! So, now we can add breaking and entering to my rap sheet. I take us all to Scott's apartment and we begin to rummage around looking for Scott. I found him on his couch passed out. Clearly this is unacceptable. So I wake him up the only way I know how. I scream his name through a parking cone that I had found in his place. I tell him we are having an afterbar at his apartment and that he should join in on the festivities. He politely declined.
M: Oh lawd. Here we are at Scott's house, and you can see the parking cone in question on the left of the picture. Please note Maj gazing lovingly at Scott!
M: And here, Paul's love for inflatable bottles of alcohol continues.... Here he is with Amber.
M: Like most apartments, Scott had a bowtie readily available. Paul obviously needed to wear it.
M: Lookin' good, Paul....
So then Paul decided he was going to make it rain packing peanuts. Observe!
M: And why wouldn't Paul wear a box as a hat?
M: At some point, Paul found Scott's checkbook and wrote himself a million dollar check. Look at his happiness.
M: I do not really know what is happening in this picture, but please pay attention to the details.
Paul has his million dollar check in his hat, duct tape on his mouth, and some sort of book-reading is taking place.
M: And here's LL with a knife.
M: So this next part.... I don't feel like narrating for myself. Paul's business is so out of order.... But the pictures are in the correct order, so balee dat.
P: Amber was going through Scott's fridge and she found an entire jar of pickles. Yeah those did not last long. Maj makes it back up to Scott's with a bottle of Ketel One Citron. So now we have a jar of pickles and a bottle of Ketel One and a drunk asian man with a red bowtie on. I think LL put that on me. Anyway, I find a box of packing peanuts and begin to shower LL and Mandie with them. Just trying to lighten the mood up a little. Scott finally sits up and then the most ridiculous thing happens. Someone gave me duct tape. Now naturally I would be like "cool duct tape" but in this case I needed take this to another level. I began to duct tape Scott to his couch. A feat that I accomplished in record time. I believe the night ended there for me, because I began to get tired.
M: So there's Maj with her Ketel One, and Paul with his duct tape.
M: Poor Scott Sloan.
And here's Amber and Maj with their pickles and the Ketel One.
P: All in all a pretty average day. You we had some harassing 67 year olds, some bowling, some long straw drinking, and some breaking and entering. I would have to say that was a good day. Oh by the way Ben Sheets pitched a complete game with a shutout. Brewers won 7-0.
Thanks Mamalicious! You are too kind. I realized last night that I left some crucial parts of absudity, so here goes.
In addition to meeting Scott Sloan at the Brewer's game, when we met him he was drinking a beverage he liked to call the "Homo Eruption" only for the fact that it was pink and had huge pineapple slice on it.
Also, in part 2 when we broke into Scott's house. I wrote a check for $1,000,000 to myself from Scott. So I was a millionaire for about 30 minutes. I left the check there.
Last, the final count on LL hate crimes against me was like 15.
That's about it.
Talk to you soon!
M: So yeah, that's how it went down.
Shortly after these shenanigans, Lers and I were sent on a conference together. Again.
Here is how seriously we took it.
So we had our free bottles of wine from Bayou, as well as the remainder of a handle of Captain (which is significantly less now, since LL was making us drinks tonight with it, which is what you should be blaming for the severe decline in quality of this blog!)...
Lers and I thought it was funny that there was a channel that said that if you needed anything, you could dial a certain extension.
I guess it is way funnier if you are drunk and there and whatnot.
And Lers gestured with a bottle of wine in each hand, which is how all points should be made from this point forward.
Actually, I think that I will not acknowledge any points made without two bottles of wine involed from this point forward.
And now I am done with this blog.
Amen. Power to the people.
1 comment:
So it is infinitely possible to discuss..
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