So a little bit ago, I got my luggage back. I couldn't have been more excited. I came home and there was a post-it from UPS saying my package was in the office.
So, I went down there, and the propert manager was in the office talking to a couple prospective tennants. She gave me my luggage, which was packaged in a giant "Staples" box, and mentioned something about how she knew I had been looking forward to receiving it.
She then asked me if it was school supplies that were in the giant box.
I sheepishly told her that it was not school supplies.
She then asked me what it was, and I gave her the cliff's notes version of my story.... That I had too much to drink while in Vegas and left my luggage in a cab.The prospective tennants just started cracking up.The property manager, who is about 55 years old, exclaimed, "Amanda! I would never expect that from you!"All I could think was.... Do you not watch the security videos of me coming home at 4:00 almost every morning in my "going out" clothes?I just said, "Well, you gotta cut loose sometime, I guess!"To which she replied, "But you're a school teacher!"This is when the prospective tennants almost fell out of their chairs. I just kinda stood there, with my luggage in my arms.She then said, "At least it happened somewhere where your students weren't around to see it!"INDEED!I just said something like, "I didn't know that 'what happens in vegas stays in vegas' applied to my luggage, but I guess I was wrong!" She said something about how now I have something else to think about when I see those commercials. Indeed I do!
So later that day, I called my mom to tell her that my luggage had made its way back home to me. During this conversation, she informed me that the girl who lives across the street is in jail again.Apparently, she got her 4th DUI. She is 24 years old.I was in shock, although I shouldn't have been, as this is Racine we are talking about. We joked about Confucious saying something like "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me four times and I am too stupid to be allowed to live."I asked my mom, "What, is the 'learning' part of her brain not functioning anymore?"To which she responded, "That part's still drunk! It's still in Vegas! It went on a weekend bender and hasn't returned yet!"Oh, Mom. I am glad to see that I will not soon be living this one down!It's actually ok, though, as I am kinda proud of myself. And, to be honest, the experience has been worth way more than the $25 it cost me to ship my luggage back home in conversation value alone! Yeah, it sucked to be wearing my reject makeup and not have access to my flat iron and curling irons, but hey.... No harm, no foul. I am just pumped that I was able to function highly enough to get on my plane. Plus, I've learned my lesson: always travel with someone who is going to be sober enough to make sure you keep your shit together. Haha.
So soon after was the wifebeater bar crawl, and I was brave enough to wear my infamous "I heart Patron" beater. Turns out, I did a lot of shots (mostly because of repeatedly winning some dice game that I still don't understand at all), none of which were Pat Ron. Old Uncle Pat Ron must've been hung over. Anyway, here are a few pictures from the day!
The morning of, I was incredibly tired. I didn't sleep at home, which meant that I was quite the tired girl! Plus, I was a little hung over.... Who goes out and gets hammered the night before she knows she has a bar crawl at 1130 am? I do!
The first stop was McGillycuddy's. Here's a shot of LL and I there.... We've both taken better pictures, haha....
And here is a shot of LL and one of our friends, Khary....
We were still pretty much struggling at McGillycuddy's. We didn't even have a single drink.
So the next stop was Fat Daddy's, where we were supposed to play beanbags and/or volleyball. I was still not moving fast enough to be so active, but we did do jello shots (which you can see Khary below trying to snort), and have some drinks. We also took a cute picture with Troy and Khary on my and LL's laps.
So then he upgraded the straw, so as to possibly get more jello shot in his nose....
And the cute lap picture.....
Then LL and I decided to ask Henry to take a picture of us. Once we handed him the camera, he immediately took a picture of himself. For your viewing pleasure....
Here's the first picture of us, sportin' our stunna shades, because the sun was too much for our strugglin' ass eyes....
Hen, our lovely art director for this photo shoot, decided that we would show more emotion if we took off our sunglasses. He was right, and here's the evidence!
The next stop was MJ's which was just a tiny place. I had just started to feel a little bit of the effects of alcohol, as right before we left Fat Daddy's, Troy and I pounded our drinks, as usual, after he said, "Bottoms!" That has now become the way that we finish all our drinks, by the way.... That was mostly from one night in which Troy, LL, and I drank about 25-30 martinis in about two or three hours, and pounded them because of Troy saying, "Bottoms" all the time.
It was here that we met Marcus, who we now call "Alleged Marcus."
The reason we call him such a name is because when we met, he tried to give us some line about how he works at the middle bar at Decibel. Excuse me? There is no way that that is true. We go there all the time. We would've seen you. Let's be serious about life. Anyway, here are pictures of Alleged Marcus taking some gross shots and hangin' with Hen....
Since the bar crawl, we've seen Marcus a few times at Decibel, at the same side of the bar as us, though. He is adamant about his employment there. He always asks the people around him to verify that he works there. We tell him that we're sorry, but we do not believe the credibility of whoever he's asked, even if it is an owner.
He has also gone so far as to show us a business card. I then replied that we do not believe that Marcus is even his name. I told him that I have a business card from Decibel, too, and that my name is Dustin. He says I am a little light-skinned and blonde for Dustin. Agree to disagree, Alleged Marcus, agree to disagree.
Another humorous conversation was when Marcus asked us why he doesn't get kicked out at bar time. He couldn't even make it through that sentence without laughing, as he knew that we rarely get kicked out at bartime!
Anyway.... We played "flippy cup" or "boat races" for a bit at MJ's. Tristan had set up games at each bar.... LL and I, who both hate beer, played with mixed drinks. That was obviously a genius call. Hen also alternated between the two for the different rounds. He is not good at slamming beverages, and thus dumped the majority of his drink down the front of his face. Hilarious.
LL and I then changed games, and turned (of course) to Photo Hunt. Holla! It was during this time that we began chatting with a fellow bar crawler (or is it bar crawlee), who I maintain looks like Jason Kidd. You can verify such things below.
Next stop was VI Degrees. This was brutal for several reasons. The first is that every time we go to VI Degrees, which is every Thursday night for a brief stop, we drink a Randy Watson. Randy is actually seriously high on the list of why we go there.... It's that, and to support our friend Fred, who spins there that night and sometimes plays my song for me.
Randy Watson, as you hopefully know, is a character from one of my all-time favorite movies, Coming to America. He's the guy who performs at the Black Awareness Rally. You may know him as "Joe the Policeman" from the "What's Going Down?" episode of "That's My Momma." That boy good! I believe the children are our future.....
Anyway, our new friend Randy is actually a chocolate martini. This is the most brilliant name for a drink I have ever heard of, as Randy Watson from Coming to America was the frontman for the band "Sexual Chocolate."
Obviously, what anyone who is on hours seven and eight of a bar crawl needs is a couple damn martinis. Especially someone who is as talented as I am at the art of sipping. Lawd.
Put that hand-in-hand with the aforementioned dice game, and you have the recipe for disaster.
I still don't understand this damn game. I think I helped someone (a master of photo hunt who works at Vitucci's.... Best photo hunt player I've ever seen. RIDICULOUS!) win this game last night. I blew on his dice. Got lots of high fives.
Anyway, the day of the bar crawl, I didn't get as many high fives so much as shots. I should've stuck to high fives, because VI degrees is where my ass fell apart. Here are some pictures from there.... The first is of Tristan and I. Boy, do I look sober!
Yep yep, that is definitely my sober face! I am all biz!
Next up is LL with "Eric" aka Jason Kidd. I also threw in a picture of the real Jason Kidd (will the real J Kidd please stand up?) for a point of comparison, so you can see just how much these two men look alike. I mean, really.
I mean, not the best picture of "Eric" I don't think, but you can definitely see a resemblance, right?
Anyway, VI Degrees was a bit of a struggle for LL as well, as she ended up leaving her phone there. When we got to the final bar, a special trip had to be made all the way back to VI Degrees to retrieve her phone. Perhaps, however, she shouldn't have been allowed to use her phone at this point, because she was sending some pretty absurdly ridiculous and heinous texts.
What is also amusing about her leaving her phone at VI Degrees is that merely one week before, she left her phone on the stoop at Bayou after my birthday party. Pull your life together, LL!
"Mandie, I got your girl's phone here at Bayou."
"Mandie, your girl's phone is at Bayou."
Haha.
In stereo with a cute little delay.
Anyway, LL was not the only one who caused a special trip. When we were leaving VI Degrees, I had decided that I needed a cheeseburger or two, and that I needed it immediately. The appetizer specials that were to be at the final bar were simply not going to cut it.
So yes, the entire school bus went to McDonald's. But at this point, I had hit a wall. I was going to sleep, and that was all there was to it. So I did. On the bus. I sent friends into McDonald's for what I affectionately refer to as the McDelicious. This is a McLers (two cheeseburger meal) + a crispy ranch snack wrap.
Problem was, I was too tired to eat when my food came to me on the bus, so I was pretty much laying there with a cheeseburger in my hand, and another one plus the snackwrap laying on my body. It was a classy sight to behold, and was only made classier by my attire, I tell you!
When we got to the fifth and final bar, the Lodge, I wasn't havin' it. So, I took a nap in Tristan's car. LL and J Kidd kept me company. Then LL's sweet roommate came and picked LL and I up. At some point, Tristan's car alarm was going off while I was in it, and I was not very quick to realize that I was the one with the power to make it stop, since his keys were in my hand. Brut brut!
Then Joee (LL's roommate) picked us up, and took us to her old roommate's house. I don't recall why. At this time, J Kidd texted me to see why I had left him. I told him that he had left me. When he tried to argue, my response was "Erroneous! Erroneous!"
Obviously.
Ended up going back to LL's and cuddling with her for awhile. That was quite nice, especially since she didn't have her damn heated mattress pad on.... That thing is absurd. I slept over there once when Ray Ray was in town, and the thing was on high. In my infinite (drunken) wisdom, I didn't think to ask LL to turn it off. She seemed pleased by it. Instead, I tried to roll over as much as I possibly could. When one side of my body was fully cooked, I rolled over. I also tried laying on the edges of the bed so as to not be on the hot spots. I was, however, wiggling around like "a little strip of bacon."
Now LL calls me her little strip of bacon. Isn't that cute? Love it.
Finally made it home, and was in bed before midnight.
That was a long ass day!
Anyway, happy birthday, Mom! Finally 47! I hope you enjoyed the blog.
I read your email. Can't believe grandma said the F word! I freaked out when she said "ass" a couple times in my life. What I also can't believe was that you called me to tell me that she said the F word, and implied that if/when I checked my email about such things, I would understand more.... But then I get the email, and all it says is what you told me on the phone! No story or anything! You are going to have to elaborate. I mean, is it like when Danielle said it, quoting her uncle, and it apparently doesn't count? Or did she say it legitimately? I just gotta know! I'll be watching my email like a hawk.... Or perhaps like a vulture watches its prey! Haha....
Love you!
Thanks everyone for reading. Hope you enjoyed! There should be a new one soon! (I know, I know... I say such things all the damn time.)
1 comment:
That high yellowed boy don't look nothing like J Kidd! Rumor has it he can hoop like him, but looks? No way! To quote a famous wordsmith... Erroneous!
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