Only in damn Wisconsin...

Here's a splendid entry to add to the "What in hell?" files. I know that this is the first entry to such a group of files, but after reading a hilarious text from Ous in which he said that he didn't know "what in hell" the teacher was talking about, I decided I was going to adopt the phrase. And after this morning's happenings, I decided that maybe there should be some files of it, because it is a phrase that I feel will apply to many situations in my absurd life.

So this morning, one of my incredibly talkative 7th graders approached me to tell me about something she had seen on CNN.

Apparently, there was a man, who she said must be very pathetic (you'll see why in a minute), who lived behind a diner with his mom and had no phone.

He was sitting at home alone when he heard screaming coming from his upstairs neighbor's apartment. Since he didn't have a phone, he couldn't call the police.

It's cool, though, because he had the next best thing - some family heirloom sword from the civil war era (I'll take SWWWOOOORDS, for $500...).

He unsheathed this sword, took himself and his weapon upstairs, and apparently entered his neighbors apartment, in search of the damsel in distress.

What he found instead was his neighbor, in the middle of viewing a porn movie.

Brut brut!

Now there are all types of criminal charges against this poor, good-hearted man. My student thinks the "porn guy" should be the one getting arrested. Pervert. Haha.

Only in damn Wisconsin do we have heroic men who have swords instead of phones. Here's the guy...

Anyway, here's the article on JSOnline. I love that it says that he had a sword "in tow."

Reminds me of the Mitch Hedberg joke about ducks eating bread, and they could have a beaver in tow...

You know... "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow. If you're an animal, you want to have a beaver as a friend, because they have some kick-ass houses. Lake side, my butt! Lake ON!"

Ohhh, Lordies. It's time for the weekend. And Lers' birthday celebration. Should be heinosity.

Oh yeah... Plus, it is "International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day." The celebrity birthdays are lame for the most part.

Hey-Oh!