The Holiday Party

So today, same bizarre student who talked about the vultures "pooping to stay cool" had another mind-blowing question and statement for me.

"What if a tree broke through that window and grabbed one of your students?"

And her statement?

"If trees attacked and killed people who tried to cut them down, there would probably be a lot less things made of wood. I bet most things would be made of metal. There would probably be a lot less paper, too."

Enough of that. Just thought you'd like to read that, since I've gotten a few e-mails about her and her absurdities.

Ah, yes. Finally, it's that time. Time to write about our holiday party!

Since this year, by the grace of our dear Lord, we have an amazing apartment, Danielle and I thought that we would take advantage of such... advantages, and throw a holiday party.

We wanted to maximize attendees, and we have friends of many faiths (Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Muslim, etc), so we decided that it was going to be simply a Holiday Party, and that it would take place a couple weeks after the real holidays. Christmas, New Year's, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, whatever! And as our invitation boasted, it was also birthdays for people such as Jodie Sweetin, Edgard Allen Poe, Buzz Aldrin, Marlon Wayans, George Burns, and Dolly Parton. We weren't even aware at the time that January 9th (when the party started) was "Play God Day," and January 10th (when the party ended) was "Peculiar People Day." But that alone seems like reason to celebrate, to me!

So we invited about 65 of our closest friends. 25 showed up. It was still glorious! I think it actually worked out pretty perfectly. Among the attendees were LL and J-Mizzle, who are shown below being adorable, as usual, and incredibly festive and resourceful, having wrapped themselves in our lights (which were, for the record, a birthday present from my awesome roommate Danielle, and were taken off of our legendary party cart, which will get its own blog entry some day soon!).



Other attendees include a few notable members of Danielle's grad school group. What a fun looking group, eh? They exceeded my expectations!



At the beginning of the party, it was just like any other party. There was champagne, vodka and mixers, the Captain and mixers, and many snacks. It should also be noted that thanks to Matty D, Sailor Jerry even made an appearance. That man kicks the Captain's ass. Mine too, at times!

What made this party unique was what happened after all of the guests had arrived. We declared in our invitation that it was a white elephant party. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, everyone brings an unwanted gift (or, since all of my friends and family are spectacular at gift selection, in my case, I just went around my room and gathered random things that I did not want anymore), wraps it up in an enticing and visually appealing fashion, and puts it togehter. Then everyone draws a number. The best number to get is #1, and the worst number to get is #2. The #1 person selects any gift he/she wants from the pile. #2 has the option to either steal #1's gift, or select a new one. #3 can either steal #1 or #2's gift, or take a new one, and so on. That may seem like #1 is screwed, but not so, my friend! After all of the gifts have been opened, #1 can steal anyones. #2 is left with whatever, just like everyone else.

Lucky me! I was #2. Brut brut!

And of course, the Prince was #1. Since I know him, and have played games with him before, I am tempted to say he somehow cheated or rigged it, but since I was the one holding the cup and the one who wrote the numbers, I know for a fact that this is not the case!

Here's a picture of everyone sitting around the pile of presents!




To the Prince, apparently bigger is better, so he selected the largest gift present (haha, pun definitely intended), which turned out to be a giant completed puzzle, in an elaborate frame. Danielle, Nicole, Cari, and my cousin's husband, Adam, seem to be pretty amused by the selection!

My selection is next. I am convinced that this was the best present there. Unfortunately, it is no longer mine. But there is no way that I could've prepared for what was inside that cute little gift bag...

Is the anticipation building? Look at me with my gift and our matching smiles. Too bad our time together would be so limited. I guess that is just a part of being #2 at a white elephant gift exchange.

That's right. A stuffed crocodile head. Can't go wrong with that! Good call, Matty D, on bringing what may have been the best gift of the night... There's pretty serious competition for that title, though, as you will see. Let it be noted that Matty D brought both Sailor Jerry AND a stuffed crocodile head. We really should be inviting Matty D to more parties!

And below. A bottle of Boone's farm. How pumped is Erin? Can't go wrong with alcohol, right?

Oh boy. If you look below, you'll see Meams, and part of her gift, which was a half-eaten box of bizzarre flavored chocolates from our Christmas package that D's parents send us every year, and a slinky. But for Meams, the best is definitely yet to come!

Check out that shirt! As Ben Stiller's character from Happy Gilmore would say, "That's some handmade quality shit!" That's right. It's a bright yellow teddy bear t-shirt complete with lace trim on the bottom, which Kelly clearly can't resist. But who could blame her? Word on the street is that all of Meam's gifts brought hours of fun to their household, which does not surprise me, especially since those two and their guests often = a fun household!

Next, it was Ousmane's turn to select his gift. Good thing Nicole was there to steer him in the right direction - she told him that her gift was the best, and he should pick it. And Ous listened. I don't blame him, I was very intrigued by what Nicole's silly ass could have brought as well! But I don't know if Ous could have selected a more absurd gift... Well... On second thought...

Here's a shot that Mara took (Mara took all of the pictures! Thanks, Mara!) of Ous when he is halfway through the unveiling of his present.

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Ousmane's lucky ass opened a mystery gift and ended up with a huge pink rose... And by huge, I mean about 3.5 feet tall. Seems proportionate for a 6'10" guy, right?

Immediately after opening it, Ous walked right over to me and gave me the flower. How cute is that? I don't think he could get that thing out of his hands fast enough. I am starting to feel sorry for the guy. How many times do you think I will put him in a situation where he is...

1. The only person over 6'3".

2. The only black person.

3. The only sober person.

? I mean, the second time we hung out, I made him play catch phrase with a bunch of drunk white people he didn't know (and Jamil). Yes, Catchphrase. An f'ing word game. It's cool, because I am sure that that's an easy game when English is your 4th language! Ous, you're a trooper.

Here's a picture of him and I discussing the flower, which I gave back to him (I just couldn't accept it at that time, and it really was just too funny to watch him carry it around!).

Next up is Mark, one of Danielle's friends from grad school. A misunderstanding in how the game is played made him risk losing his puzzle (it was he who brought it, and his friend Chris saved it by stealing it later from the Prince! How exciting!), and made him end up with one of the most "interesting" gifts of the night...

(Picture removed to protect the innocent!)

Yes, in his hands is the Penthouse Pleasure Pack, or something like that. A vibrator, and a mask, and what looks like a spatula or something. I don't know what's pleasurable about scraping paint from a wall, or filling nail holes with drywall compound, but maybe I'll ask Mark about it later. On second thought, I just don't want to know.

Apparently my directions and explanation of "White Elephant" weren't very clear... In one of the quotes of the night, Andrew said

"We didn't really know what 'White Elephant' meant, so we just went to the adult store."

Bravo, Andrew, Bravo!

The other quote of the night, in my opinion, has a bit of back story.

On NYE, at Zak and AY's house, ACGilman was pretty hammered. Upon meeting Ous (yes, another situation like this, where I am sure Ous felt absurdly uncomfortable), AC tried to recruit Ous to play on his rec basketball team. Told him that they needed a center, and that he was pretty sure Ous would start. Also told him that he planned to bet money on the games that Ous played in. Good call, AC.

Then when I took AC and Lers to sit in the family section at a Marquette Basketball game, AC was very interested in getting an Ousmane Barro jersey, and other such things.

So the day of the party, Lers and I were emailing back and forth, and I had asked Lers how AC was going to handle himself with Ous being there that night, and so on. Lers told me when they walked into the party that she had given AC sedatives, and that he should be fine.

When we were moving from one room to another, AC noticed something that was apparently incredibly exciting to him, because he pointed at Ousmane's feet and shouted "We have the same shoes!"

In complete deadpan voice, Lers looks at me and says "His sedatives are wearing off."

That was probably too long of a story for a quote that you probably "had to be there" for for it to be funny, but oh well. Thanks for being a trooper.

And keep on truckin'!

I don't really know what's going on in this picture, but I think it's a cute one of Nicole and Cari, who I think look like small children. Awwww! Haha.

It wasn't long before the boys and their trip to the porn store struck again... Here's Zak Attack opening a wonderful gift of vibrating nipple clamps. Silly!

As I mentioned before, I didn't really follow the advice of giving an unwanted gift. Instead, I decided to rummage around my room and find different things from there to give away. Jamie has no idea what is coming to her, but here she is just after she lifted the gift I gave from the pile.

And below, you can see just how pumped she is to have received the following:

1. A dvd copy of "Willard" - which is that Crispin Glover (Marty McFly, in case the name isn't familiar) movie where he has all of the pet rats and whatnot.

2. A VHS copy of "Boys Don't Cry" - which is that Hilary Swank movie where she's a transvestite or transexual or something. I saw it after I bought it, and immediately regretted the Blockbuster pre-viewed purchase!

3. Expired pepper spray.

4. Approximately 200 business cards for "Rice Photography" with my picture on the front. A photographer that I (obviously) had previously worked with (and, for the record, enjoyed working with) gave me a ton of them, and I really didn't know what to do with them until a few days before the party. Now the big stack is off my desk!

Check out Jamie cheesing with her gift! Do you think she could look more pumped?

After Tyler stole my croc head, it was time to select another gift. I decided to think smart. I perused the gift pile and settled on a package that looked an awful lot like a bottle wrapped up. I was right. It was indeed. My glorious gift was a bottle of Dr. Beckermann. I am sure that I don't need to tell you this, as it is definitely common knowledge, but few men are known for their 8.5% alcohol bottles of wine like Dr. Beckermann! I was pumped. Unfortunately, it is not likely that I will enjoy the taste of Dr. Beckermann's product anytime soon. Sucks to be #2! But here are "the doctor" and I, enjoying our brief moment of glory.

Did I mention that it sucks to be #2? If not, let me just say it one more time. It sucks to be #2. The Prince's last gift he ended up with was a leather Kenneth Cole wallet. Apparently, this is not pleasing to the Prince, or at least it is not as pleasing as the fine taste of Dr. Beckermann. He stole my bottle of wine, and I got stuck with the wallet. I guess I can't complain too much, though, because I will probably get a couple dollars for it at least when I sell it on eBay.

Another reason I can't complain is because I actually ended up with two gifts.

Remember the giant flower? It remains at my apartment. After repeated attempts to give me the giant rose, I made Ousmane tell me that he wasn't giving me the flower just because he didn't want it anymore, but because it was a representation of all of the positive feelings that he has in his heart for me. He agreed, and then told me that his heart was now empty (because of all of the feelings being transferred to the flower). I then told him that I would sleep with it every night (fabrication), and we took a picture with the rose to commemorate it. He continuously un-tags it on facebook. Lame! But the picture's cute, though!

See? Told ya!

After that point, the night gets a little hazy. Apparently, I chest-bumped Ross.

And I took some pictures with Tyler (probably as some sort of gesture of peace, and no hard feelings from him stealing my croc head), which I look too heinous in to even post.

Then I remember taking Ous upstairs to give him a French grammar book and show him how to use it (which took a minute) and showing him an article on Dakar that one of my students gave me, which led to a serious discussion about Léopold Sedar Senghor, the first president of Senegal, and an issue with cookies... Then out the door. When I finally got back downstairs, half of my friends had left.

Then we packed things up, cleaned up, and went to bed, whilst Andrew, Tyler, and Ross enjoyed Brother's on Water St.

What a night!