Why can't ghosts have babies?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Ok, that was one of the Halloween textes I got on Halloween.

I suppose I should finally explain the whole bizarre pluralization of "textes."

Actually, maybe not. I just thought of several ways to do such things, and determined that the whole textes thing was one of those "you had to be there" type of deals. I think you'll live just fine without knowing why the plural form of "text" has two syllables. Just a guess.

Anyway, without further ado....

Before I get to the Halloween story, I wanna take a minute or two to talk about my mom's visit to the Mil to go out with us.

She came on the Thursday before Halloween, and I had off school the next day, which was perfect.

She had asked me if it would be ok if she wore jeans out, and I told her of course it would, she just needed to wear a cute shirt and not wear tennis shoes.

Apparently, she discussed this with Marv, who came up with the brilliant idea that my mom should go to a second-hand store and purchase an outfit for the occasion.

So, my mom evidently set out to buy the ugliest shirt ever made, as well as clown shoes.

She struck out on the clown shoes, but I am pretty sure that she hit the jackpot on the ugly shirt.

She got to Milwaukee, and we parked her car in the lot, and she came upstairs, and we hung out and talked. Danielle recounted the story of the night of my knee wounds (update below on that bad boy). Since my mom is not accustomed to our schedule of going out at like midnight, we made a compromise and were going to hit VI Degrees around ten, after going to the sale at Fred and Red Heel (Martini night, holla). My mom tells me she needs to change, and takes a bag into the bathroom. I thought it was kinda weird that she was going into the bathroom to change instead of my bedroom, because my mom is not what anyone would call shy. I just dismissed it to proximity and continued to try to pull my life together and get dressed.

Next thing I know, my mom walks out of the bathroom wearing this getup....

Ugliest shirt ever made?

Check.

Rolled up jeans?

Check.

White heels well after Labor (Lobor) Day?

Check.

White tube socks under said heels?

You got it!

I had to take the picture. Just had to.

Notice Danielle spitting the contents of her mouth into the sink. Or maybe vomming because Mamalicious' outfit is the ugliest thing ever made?

Obviously we had a good laugh at this getup....

Mom said that she asked the lady in the store if the shirt was ugly, and the lady didn't know how to answer because she didn't want to offend my mom if she actually liked the shirt. My mom then clarified that she was looking for ugly, and the store employee said "You found it." Ha.

She didn't stay in this outfit long, because the shirt was made of a fabric that she said felt "creepy." It's true. The fabric did feel creepy. And I have proof if you don't believe me, because my mom gave me the shirt. Lucky me. Perhaps I will raffle it off like we did Humphrey the Humping Dog.

Unfortunately for Mamalicious, we didn't take any more pictures that night, so we have no proof that she doesn't ALWAYS go out wearin a goof ass ensemble. I guess that just means that Mamalicious is going to have to return to the Mil for another night of absurdity!

However, while she was in this shirt, she did take the time to tell me that she holds me responsible for ensuring that should she be unable to dress herself, that she would never be wearing cltohes like the ones she had on, or anything else "doofus."

She told me that if anyone else dresses her in such garb, that I should kick their assses.

And if I do it, for any reason, that I can rest assured that when she dies, she'll haunt my ass.

Oh Mamalicious. Hilarious.

Anyway, mom was very well-received at the usual Thursday haunts, and a great time was had by all. To those of you who were out and showed Mamalicious kindness, thank you. Much appreciated!

And yes, as usual, she made an impression. People (including, but not limited to, the busboy at Ma Fischer's) are still asking about her and commenting on her youthful appearance and attitude. =)

Oh, and here's the picture I took of my knee the next morning, one week after the first images were taken.

Aren't I healing well? I didn't take a picture last Friday morning, but I will tomorrow to update you. You'll be quite impressed methinks.

So Halloween.....

Halloween for me started on Saturday night and ended Tuesday. Yes, I am aware that actual Halloween was Wednesday, and I did quasi dress up for it at school, but I was so sick of it already by Wed afternoon that I was done. Plus, my hand had been cold for a long time, and I didn't feel like going out. I was actually briefly considering a hiatus from going out. Yeah, as I said, my hand was pretty cold.

As you know, I enjoy puns. And, as I would hope you would have given me credit for, I am not the type of girl who goes out dressed as something like a slutty corrections officer or slutty airport security person, or slutty janitor or something. On second thought, a slutty janitor might me so ridiculous it'd be funny. I need lots of keys.....

Anyway, I am not saying that I hate girls like that, I'm just sayin'. Not my thang.

So we decided that on Saturday that we would be party animals. We would dress in party-ish clothes like an animal and sport party hats and noisemakers.

Here I am in my costume with Refugio, my son. Don't we look alike? He's definitely a party animal himself!

Look, he's sayin' hi!

Anyway, Saturday night was when we were fortunate enough to have been invited to Fred and Favio's Eyes Wide Shut party at Tangerine.

But unfortunately for us, due to several things (including, but not limited to talking Drunky McDrunkstein into not driving - success! Go me!) making it difficult for our lives to get pulled together, we got there when it was packed to the point where moving was impossible, and where many of the attendees were quite hammered!

Also unfortunate was the fact that LL had left her wallet at home. We were quite nervous that getting into such a place was going to be an impossibility.

But again, of course there is a fortunately.... Don't you see the pattern?

Fortunately, I was able to text Kevin, who is a big deal and knows people (and has a new appreciation for Anchorman) who was able to get us in.... even without waiting in line! Holla! Love you, Kevin! (and not just because of this, as you know!)

Since it was so crowded, we decided we'd just get one drink, say hi to the hosts and people we know, and then go to North Ave.

This was a good idea in theory, but we had to abort mission before we got to say hi to a lot of people, including Favio.

I don't know what was up with the guys there, but I don't think I have been hit on so frequently and brutally in my life. Just rude. It didn't help that my hand was already cold and that we were on a mission. I just had no patience at all. So we pretty much briefly saw Kevin (sadly, this was pretty much just when he let us in), Fred, Marcellus, and someone else I am forgetting. Fiff.

I was just being a straight-up bitch to any guy I didn't know that tried to talk to me, so we decided it was best to just get the h out of there.

We stopped at Cush and said hi, and then moved on, as it was just super late already.

For the record, no one hit on me there, which was wonderful.

Our final stop was Decibel. Whew. It was already like 130, and I was crabby as a mo-fo, so it was time for a drink. Let me tell you, we pounded drinks like it was our job!

We had Parker (who was on rollerskates and hilarious!) take a picture of us. Aren't we cute little party animals?

We saw a dude from behind, who was clearly white, and clearly wearing a wave cap. Either Danielle or LL guessed that this man was a ninja. I guessed that he was Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. Holla! Correct I was! And he took a picture for us. Check him out!

Next, I almost died. When I was a little one was when Cabbage Patch Kids first came out, and they were the most sought-after toy ever. Pretty much like tickle-me-Elmo was a few years ago. So apparently a lot of trouble was gone through to get me Ty Abbey, who was one of the first CPK's. Well, imagine my surprise when I saw Ty Abbey in giant form!!! Here we are, together again at last after all these years!

Moments later, we saw another amazing costume. This white kid had on a red leather jacket, red pants, a Michael Jackson tshirt, and scary makeup and dark hair. He was Michael Jackson from Thriller. It was completely amazing. So much so, that we actually discussed it amongst ourselves!

Moments later, after he had passed us to get to Shawn (who was the evil spiderman) to get a drink, I hear a voice behind me.

Mandie?

I turn and look. It's Michael Jackson. Yes?

Who is it???

BROSEPH!

Amazing costume, Broseph. Didn't even recognize you at first! Here's a picture of us party animals with Broseph.

We made Cute Little Seth, or CL Seth, take the picture. He is a youngster, at 18, and is a "Glassware Liason" (barback) at Decibel. He was a football player for Halloween.

Here's a picture of me with CL Seth!




How cute is he? And how weird is it that he sees me hammered, and I could've been his teacher if he went to my school? He graduated last year. Weird.

Anyway, that pretty much covered it for Saturday night's festivities. We drank a serious amount in a seriously short time. Three doubles and two shots for LL and I. Less for D, who is considerably smaller and who was driving.

Cut to Tuesday. As you know, Decibel is the place to be on Tuesdays (Einstein!). So that is why they had their Halloween party that night.

Danielle had already turned into a pumpkin. It was time already for her to go back to life at the library. I don't think I've seen her since. Just kidding. But I bet that it has been cumulatively less than two hours. Bru-tal!

Anyway, so LL and I had to think of something else to be, just the two of us.

Once again, I am a lover of the pun.

Here we are.

Do you get it?

Read our necklaces.

That's right, Salt N Pepa. I'm Salt, and thus wearing all white, and she is Pepa, and wearing all black.

Heehee.

Of course, shortly after arriving at Decibel, we were greeted with a big smile by Dustin, who was dressed as himself for Halloween. He wanted me to take a picture of him and his friend, so here it is.

Don't they both look all kinds of surprised? I don't know what they are so surprised about. They asked me to take the picture! They should've expected it. Haha.

Soon after this, we said more hellos and went into the Decible side, where it was Mayhem. Many of the people from Saturday were there, wearing often times the same costumes. Good times. But there were also a lot of people there in different costumes.... This included one of the most amazing costumes I have ever seen in my life.

Ok. Aside from the fact that he is clearly a regular-sized person, this is pretty damn true to life. Er, true to the movie. And you can't tell from the picture, but that lollipop had flashing lights inside that looked really phenomenal inside the dark club.

Another thing that you can't tell from the pictures is that he was handing out everlasting gobstoppers! Saweet! I definitely enjoyed that action.

We went back to Deep Bar, since we often wander to and fro, and talked to Buddha for a bit. We asked him to take a picture, since we wanted to have a full-length picture, without the Oompa, of our costumes.

Here's what we got.

Apparently I wasn't clear when I said why I wanted it to be vertical. Haha. However, if you look closely, you can see that I have a curl stuck to my face, in the style of Salt N Pepa in the "Let's Talk About Sex" video. It was a chore to get this to stay, and I ended up using surgical adhesive to do it!

Since our mission of a full-length picture sans Oompa had still not been accomplished, we asked Buddha to try again....

Thanks, Buddha.

By the way, I am the heaviest I've ever been. I know my stomach doesn't look great. Back up off me! It will soon. I promise.

Anyway, I can't really end this story without attempting to describe one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.

You see, a couple months ago, Latrell Sprewell began coming in to Decibel on Tuesday nights. He stands in this little corner, and for the most part doesn't really move the whole night. That is, until the Cupid Shuffle comes on. Man, oh man, does he love that song! He knows the dance, and he does it. We always laugh. Always.

Well, Halloween was no exception, but it was exceptional! This is due to the fact that Spree dressed up like Darth Vader, complete with bright green light saber!

Let me tell you this, and please believe me.

There are very few things funnier on this earth to watch than a 37-year-old man who is 6'5" and has absurd hair and an absurd reputation (choking folks, boat repossession, etc) doing the Cupid Shuffle with a light saber in hand. Words seriously cannot describe it.

And finally, on Dunce Day, I'd like to ask you..... Why is it when you get a #1 combination at La Fuente (I went out to eat with my cousin the Thursday after Halloween), they put a random pile of meat in the middle of your plate? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it thoroughly, but still. Kinda weird!

In Memoriam: Gene Frenkle 1950-2000

Two blogs two days in a row?! Wowsers.

I am kinda in a rush to catch up, because there are potentially blog-worthy things in the near future, such as a Badger game, Halloween, and my mom coming up to Milwaukee to go out.

Anyway, there were, first of all, a couple things in last night's blog that I left out.

One is that I have a shoot coming up on Sunday, and am curious as to if anyone has any amazing ideas for me. Send me some links or pictures or ideas, please!

Second is that I don't really know what to be for Halloween. Hook a sista up with one of those ideas, too!

Thirdly... In yesterday's blog, I put an asterisk by a couple comments.
Well, I absent-mindedly forgot to explain the asterisks. Asteri? How in hell does one pluralize such a word?

Anyway, what I said was that my hand was cold, or that my hand was freezing.

Lemme splain.

So we were out one night in Madison with this chick we know. She is a friend to some of us. I think she's tolerable, but probably wouldn't elect to spend too much time with her.

Anyway, we all got our first drinks at the same time, and were standing in the bar, holding them, and talking.

Well, all ol' girl could think of to say was to complain about how cold her hand was.
Excuse me?
We have all been holding the same drink for the same amount of time. Switch f'ing hands or something! No one cares how cold your hand is! Shut up, or you'll be complaining about how much your face hurts when I break it because you're being so lame!

Anyway, we later were discussing how absurd the whole situation was. In time, it became something to say when we just didn't really have anything else to say, and wanted to laugh (at someone else's expense).

THEN it became a way to complain or express discontent in general. An example being in yesterday's blog when I said that my lack of a successful cheeseburger search made my hand cold.

LL and I frequently ask eachother how our days are by asking about the temperature of eachother's hand.

Also, we've begun to refer to some people (and things) as gloves. Gloves are things that make our hands warm. People that make us happy. There are a few people that come to my mind that are always making my hand warm.

To the gloves in my life (and you know who you are, or at least I hope you do!): I love you, and thank you!

By the way, I think I would kill a man (and then bury him in the desert, haha) for an Orv's supreme pizza right now. Just sayin'!

So.... Today's blog should've been out months ago.

Sometime this summer, (I believe that it was the weekend before the Racine Wedding that was about the Hampton's of the Midwest), I was informed that Del was going to be getting married, and that my presence would be honored at the reception.

Del. Del went to highschool with my mom. He was a paratrooper, and now he's an enforcer for the Highriders.

The High Riders are a "motorcycle club." An enforcer basically beats the shit out of people, I think.

I used to babysit for Del and his first wife's child, Jake.

It was time for Jake and I to have a reunion. I'm pretty sure that he's 18 now.

I decided that Danielle would be the perfect date to such an event. Don't you agree? Of all people, who would feel the least comfortable in this environment?

D and I arrive at the reception, which, of course, is at a biker bar outside of Racine. As we roll up, we see HUNDREDS of Harleys in lines. Think of the scene from PeeWee's big adventure where he goes to the biker bar, and multiply that by about 20.

Now, I have some weird disorder. I'm sure it's in the DSM. I've seen that thing, and it is about as thick as ever.

Anyway, here's my issue. I think that every biker on the planet is somehow friends with or affiliated with my mom and stepdad. As it turns out, this is not the case.

As we walked up, some biker dude approached us and started talking. Basically hitting on us. I asked him if he could help me find Vanessa and Marv, assuming he knew them, and he said he didn't know them, but that he'd help us find them. No thanks, kind sir with the fingerless leather gloves and bandana. I'll be able to find them just fine.

So I was able to find a few people we knew, and then came upon Marv, who gave me a hug (hope this doesn't ruin his tough guy street cred - haha). Shortly thereafter, my mom showed up. Apparently, she was off taking jello shots. This was due to the fact that someone had made sure that there were hundreds (yes, that's right, hundreds) of these treats available at the reception.

Shortly after my greeting with my mother, she offered to buy me a drink. You see, tap beer was free, but mixed drinks you had to pay for.

I ordered a Captain and diet. As I watched the bartender pour my drink, I pretty much handed my keys over to Danielle. It was just about the strongest drink I had ever seen in my life. And, in true Racine county fashion, it cost my mom about fourteen cents. Gotta love that!

So soon after, I was reunited with little Jake. I decided that it would only be appropriate for us to do a shot together, and everyone else around was in. Tequila, of course!



On the far left, we have Jake, the kid I used to babysit. Yeah, he looks like someone I could keep in line, right? Next up, in the purple shirt and black leather vest, is Marv. Then you see a hand holding a shot, with a leather jacket on. Then me, then my mom.

That hand... That's Joey Marcott. He's one of those people who always goes by his first and last name, at least as long as my mom (which translated quickly to my mom, Danielle, and I) are concerned.

He took a serious liking to Danielle. He talked her up quite a bit, and even picked her up numerous times. Boy oh boy, Danielle hates being picked up!

But goodness gracious, don't they look cute together? Match made in heaven!

Danielle looks incredibly comfortable, doesn't she?

Anyway, after hanging out with Joey Marcott for awhile, we decided to adjourn outdoors for awhile. It was outside that we encountered a man who claimed to go by the name Napoleon. Once again, my little biker connaissance disorder was in full effect. I thought this absurd man, who claimed to be studying gynecology, was a friend of my mom's. I was just talkin' away, and letting him get away with some heinous ass comments, thinking that if he is my mom's friend, that gives him a little license to get so familiar with us. I also thought that, being my mom's friend, I should've been nice to him.

Turns out, once again, no. This man was not one of my mom's friends. He was just a man who stepped across the line, habitually. He was a habitual line-stepper.

He also claimed to be some kind of photographer. He had a very cheesey camera, and thought he was some kind of professional. Bru-tal.

So we freed ourselves of Napoleon and went back inside.

One thing that was amazing about this particular reception was the live music. It was performed by one of my mom and Marv's favorite groups (and coincidentally, the winner of the Best of Racine award given by the Journal Times), Mean Jake. They are a blues band. In hanging out and doing Jello Shots earlier, I happened to notice that the lead singer (whose name is not Jake, but rather Doug or something like that) was playing the cowbell from time to time. It was at this point that I expressed interest to my mom in playing the cowbell. I am sure that most of you know that my inspiration came from the Saturday Night Live video. I'll try to embed the video into the blog, but in the even that that doesn't work, try THIS LINK!

Will'>http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=7811298">Will Ferrel-SNL Blue Oyster Cult and more cowbell
http://lads.myspace.com/videos/vplayer.swf" flashvars="m=7811298&v=2&type=video" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="430" height="346">
Add to My Profile More'>http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.home">More Videos

Anyway, of course my mom has the hookup on making this dream come true. So she tells Doug, or Roger, or whatever about my desire to play cowbell. And of course, for whatever reason, he is ready for me to join the band.

Here's a picture of the lead singer of Mean Jake and I, discussing our future collaboration!

And here it's going down....

Look at how amazing we look? Clearly, I am a natural. And let me tell you, I was a hit!

Now it may look like Marv is just some tough guy that walks around scaring people or something, but in a strange turn of events, Marv is a dancing machine.

He has a dance move that he has invented himself called "the Merv."

This involves putting your arms to your sides with them bent at right angles and moving them up and down with your forearms parallel to your body.

It's hard to resist doing the Merv, especailly when Merv itself is doing the dance of his namesake.

Here's a family Merv performance for your viewing pleasure....
Don't we look like we're having fun? It's because we are. ;-)

You can only do the Merv for so long before you get a little parched.

While Bruce Dickinson (the cock of the walk!) has a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell,

we had a thirst, and the only cure was more jello shots.

As you can see, my BFF from Mean Jake had to join us. And the guy with the froggy shirt? He is Greg Mastos. And he was more dedicated to the Jello Shot cause than can be described in mere words. And this man showed his dedication by bringing ONE OF the coolers full of Jello Shots over to the table at which we were seated, so that we might be able to indulge in said shots without having to move very far. Saweet!
I apparently decided at this point that it was time to take a picture of one of the cutest couples ever, my mom and marv. These two are awesome together. Best friends. Hard to believe that such "rough and tumble" individuals can be so cute, but it's true. Damn. I'm ruining Marv's tough guy image and street cred again, aren't I?

What I meant to say is that he is NOT a teddy bear. He is more like a ravenous scary bear. Yeah. I am scared of Marv. Yep. Sca-ry.
Anyway, if you thought that my disorder of thinking that my mom and Marv are friends to all bikers was not healed yet. We'll see if that biz-nass ever goes away.

So at some point during the night, we met Shawn, another man that I thought was friends with my mom, but actually did not know her. Yet. Don't worry, I'll introduce ya.

When you picture a biker, just randomly, off the top of your head, Shawn is exactly who pops in your mind, I'll bet.

I've met more bikers than an average person has met, I'd bet (ha, that rhymes!), and when I picture a generic biker, Shawn is what comes to mind.

I mean "generic" in the nicest way possible.

I believe that what I told Shawn was "quintessential." And when I say that, I mean it.

Of course, for the blog, I had to take a picture with the quintessential biker. Here we are! Pretty much looks like a picture of me and most of the guys I am attracted to, except for he's pretty much the opposite. Haha.

Another part of the reason that I posed with Shawn on his bike was to make Danielle feel more comfortable doing the same. I figured she could send this picture home and tell her parents she had a new boyfriend or something.

What's funny about that is that my mom would be pumped to see me with such a man, whilst Danielle's parents would probably have several heart attacks between the two of them. Holla!

Here's the cute couple! Man, Danielle was just some sort of Biker Playette that night!

Also notable about Shawn is that he had one of the coolest necklaces I had ever seen. It had a bunch of skulls on it. I tried to get him to give me such a necklace, but he wouldn't he said that he'd give a different one, that was a little too small, to my Mom and Marv the next day, as he was planning on coming to look at Baby, which is Marv's old bike (I am pretty sure it's a 1977 Shovelhead, whatever that means), which Marv is looking to perhaps sell. I still lack a necklace. Now Shawn, if you're out there, I am still waiting for my necklace, damn it!

One thing about my mom and Marv is that they are not really night owls. I am pretty sure that we were hitting the 9 or 10 o'clock hour, which pretty much meant it was time to turn into a pumpkin. AND! I was already hammered.

On the drive back to the Mil, whilst Danielle was propped up on blankets so she could see over the steering wheel (LL, you are probably familiar with this move, as you have to do it daily), my cousin called. She was out in Milwaukee for Summer Soulstice with her husband and college roommate.
So we decided to meet up with them at Mo's Irish Pub on Wisconsin Ave. after an attempt at hitting up the North Ave bars (before we were even serious regulars!).
Christine's husband, Adam, was a delight, as usual.

One special thing about both Mo's Irish pub locations, as I learned only this past Friday, is that they are complete with a library. You know, just in case you feel the need to do some leisurely reading. I can't count the number of times I've been out and really just sat there wishing I had a wide selection of books to read. Adam must've felt this way, too, and he was in luck!

Then we ladies decided to take a group shot. Aren't we lovely? Look at our earth tones. So coordinated. I can't wait to hang out with Christine again! It has been far too long. Remember when I lost my purse? Left it in Jo-Cat's? I blogged that. That was the last time. Damn!

Christine, by the way, is the one in the picture that is right next to me, who is not Danielle. Gorgeous! Danielle, too, but you are used to her. And Christine's roommate is also very pretty.... Oh man. Haha.

Then, of course, we had to get a group pic of all five of us. I have no idea why Adam felt the need to be the shortest person in the picture, but I am ok with it, as it adds interest to the picture - haha. Lovely!

As for the rest of the night, I wish I could say more. I am pretty sure that I drunk dialed and texted a lot of people. I seem to remember Broseph being one of them. Wouldn't be shocked if Ous was on that list, too. Poor Ous!

Another great night. And two blogs in two days. Maybe it'll be a streak! How many days does one have to blog in a row to make a streak?

Ok, time to finish this glass of Cabernet Sauvignon (my favorite kind of wine) and hit the hey.

Hope you enjoyed!

How many licks?

So I'm procrastinating on correcting papers. I am going to write this blog, then work out (I'm guessing at midnight?) then shower THEN grade some papers. Who thinks I am actually going to grade A paper, much less several, this evening? Hmmm....

Anyway, I want to start out this story with a little anecdote about my grandmother. In the last blog, I mentioned about my mom saying that she said the f-word.

Well, I had been expecting that she was going to tell me that grandma had said it quoting someone else, or involved in some ridiculous story about someone else or something.

Not so.

Apparently, it was just some lame, offensive and non-pc joke!

Evidently, my dear sweet grandma-ma was telling some joke about how "Indians" name their babies by looking at what is going on around them. What I am told, was that she said that names are chosen that way, and that exampls were "Hawk-fly-low" or "Two-Deer-Fucking."

Whaaaaaaaat?!

Anyway, so that was pretty much the shock of my life. Apparently my mom has only heard my grandma use the "f-word" twice in her 47 years of life. I've only heard my mom say the f-word twice, too. Ok, that's not true at all.

Moving on.

So last night I decided to stay in. I've had a rough week and have been in a terrible mood a lot of it, especially the last 36 or so hours. So, I decided the best option would be for me to go to bed early. So I did.

At about 445am, the freaking fire alarm went off. So annoying! Best part, however, is that as I am exiting my apartment into the hallway, this guy walking out of the apartment next to me says, "What is this a fire drill? I feel like I am back in prison!"

Awesome. I'm happy to living next to you, Ex-con.

Moving on again.... (Haha, this blog has no attention span.)

So I decided to cheer myself up, I'd make the drive down to Ray-town and get myself a Kewpee cheeseburger (or two). Well, Kewpee's was closed. This really made my hand cold*. So I thought I'd go to my second choice, which was Rosie's. Nope. Closed. Third choice is The Farm. Also closed. So then I thought I'd try Caesar's. Guess what? That is now a Mexican Restaurant. Sweet. I ended up driving 45 minutes to eat Culver's. How lame is that? My hand was freezing*.

So I ate my Culver's and went to see my Mom and Marv. Whilst there on the porch, we started talking about my roommates, past and present, and how I grateful I am to have D, who is an amazing roommate. This is especially relevant when we consider the girl I lived with as well the first year that I lived with Danielle, who was named Abbey.

She was insane. Literally.

One time the three of us went down to U of I for a weekend to go to the Badger game, and to make a long story short, she decided we had to either leave at three o'clock in the morning or find our own rides back up to Madison. Basically, she didn't like the way Danielle's friends were treating her (read: they weren't giving her enough attention or kissing her ass). This is absurd, because Danielle is one of the nicest girls in the United States and doesn't really associate with douchebags, for the most part (haha).

Haha, anyway, the conversation shifted a bit to Abbey's exboyfriend, Ryan, who we called Tootsie Pop.

This is because ol' boy was about 5'11" and 45 pounds. I am pretty sure that about 25 of these pounds were allocated to this unfortunate-looking man's head.

He was stick thin, and had the biggest melon on record. More or less, he looked like a tootsie pop.

When we start talking about him, my mom says, "Did I tell him that he looked like a tootsie pop?"

I do not even know why she asked such an absurd question.... Of course she did. My mom is even more brutally honest than I am!

But more about Tootsie Pop....

This man was such a joke!

He was the manager of Men's Wearhouse. He actually transferred from the one in Minneapolis to come live nearer to Abbey, who regularly dated several gentlemen simultaneously.

She was so brutal about him, too, because she hated that he was such a pushover. I guess it's easy to push someone over when they weigh 45 pounds and over half of these pounds are cranium.

She didn't like that she could push him around. She lost respect for him as a result, and thus was even more brutal to him than she would've been to a regular person (perhaps someone with an average-sized head?).

Anyway, I have no problem of purveyors of fine menswear, but this dude just reminded me of Ben Affleck's character in Mall Rats. The Casual Male guy. He took himself approximately that seriously. Bru-tality.

The best part, however, was that he participated in COMPETITIVE KARAOKE.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That is correct. COMPETITIVE KARAOKE.

He sings country songs in karaoke competitions. Hilarious.

So then back to the pushover thing....

Back in college, I wasn't good at sleeping either.

One night, I was up late as usual, when I started hearing weird noises from the living room.

Noises like "Ouch! Ouch! Stop hitting me!"

And weird phone beeps.

And slams.

As it turns out, for some reason, Abbey was beating the shit out of Tootsie Pop with the cordless phone, and she had to take him to the hospital after to see if his nose was broken.

The whole Quad-plex could hear this taking place. Absurd.

So my mom, Marv, and I were reminiscing about these shenanigans, and Marv says

"Perhaps she was trying to get to the creamy center!"

and then my mom says,

"How many licks with a phone does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop?"

Oh hilarious.

So that was my afternoon.

Oh, and by the way, Mom, I looked at the geoducks. Those are some hideous and phallic-looking creatures! And I'll be damned if they don't live for a century and a half!!!

Alright, I should probably get to working out and such....

By the way, Chevy Chase turned 64 and Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee!) turns 68 today, October 8th.

For the record, Dirty Work is one of Chevy Chase's best movies. And the sequel to Crocodile Dundee can whoop the first one's ass.

And, here's a weird ass video. I love it. I watch it all the time!

Try to wrap your mind around that one!

Mama Seuss

Ok, just got back from New York.... What a trip! I literally have hundreds of emails to go through, then I will get down to some serious blogging business, I promise....

Apparently, after reading my last one, my mom felt sorry for me in my situation (and probably a little guilty, too, since we've decided collectively that she passed along the quality in me that attacts absurd people and situations), that she wrote me what she calls a little ditty.

For your reading pleasure, here it is!

There once was a girl name Mandie
She started a blog
and it sure was a dandy

She has a way with words
Like few I know
Her stories are great
They must be told

I told her once
They were like "visual crack"
Once I started to read
There was no turning back

Some people smoke
And some people drink
She got me hooked
I'm addicted, I think!

Way back in June
She came into town
Some weddings we attended
Stories abound

To my dismay
I have yet to read
The tales of those adventures
The fix that I need

I awaken each day
With a smile and a prayer
When I click on the "Brut"
Those stories will be there

The pictures are great
Spectacular verbage indeed
Please, My Mandie,
Give me what I need

Love,
Mom

Oh, Mom. Hilarity and awesomeness. Coming soon, I promise!

3 score and one year ago today....

....there was born a legend. That's right, bitches, it's Danny Glover's birthday again today!

(Read this {or paste this link: http://brutbrut.blogspot.com/2007/01/danny-glover-legend.html} to know why this is so important!)

Last Sunday when I was on the phone with my mom, she said to me, "Mandie, do you know what today's date is?"

Me: "July 15th?" (The only reason I knew the date is because I had been looking forward to this party for awhile.... The rest of the summer, I barely know what DAY it is, much less the date! Haha.)

Mom: It's been TWELVE DAYS!

Then, five days later, we're on the phone again....

Mom: It has been seventeen days, Mandie. I am getting really sick of clicking on your blog every morning and seeing that stupid Wisconsin Barbie thing. Your blog's like visual crack for me, I need more!

Me: Well, Mom, I have been really busy! And when I've been home, I've been tired and lame, like if I would write about it, I wouldn't even be funny!

Mom: Well, you need to just get liquored up and get to blogging!

Oh Mom, you crack me up.

I wasn't lying, though. I have been really busy.... I've gone out a ton of days in a row. I think something like 12 of the last 15 days. And when I say, "go out," I don't mean have one cocktail and get home by eleven. In almost every case, it involves staying out unti after bar close, and then doing something afterward, usually involving food (be it S'Mores, or grilled cheese...)

I also have been getting a lot of modeling work, which is good, too, because it enables me to not be homeless. Hurray for non-homelessness!

Tonight, though, was an exception. I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday party at Decibel, but that ended up being a no-go. I was also supposed to go to some party on top of the South Tower on Yankee Hill. And, I was invited by a friend whose blog I read, and who reads mine, to go out and finally meet in person, but that wasn't happening either. I had invited Cari to come up and hang out, but get this..... She declined, so that she could stay home and read Harry Potter. Whaaaaat????

Speaking of, this video is pretty funny. Check it out, and pass it around if you agree!

Oh, and if you watch it, tell me if you think the main actor's cute. H-Pitty, if you will. I can't decide.

Anyway, I was too tired to go out. I intended to blog about a few of the things that are on my list (a couple weddings, Favio's party perhaps, this past Tuesday, maybe this past Thursday, or LL's recent absurdity, Summerfest/Danielle's birthday.... The list goes on....), but I am going to make another post in honor of Mr. Glover, and the celebrations.

Today has been a glorious day over the years, because MANY greats were born on it.

July 22nd....

Bob Dole is first in our lineup. I think this picture says it all....

Yeah, so Bob Dole is now officially old. Oh wait, that's been the case for a long time.... Oh well, bru-tal!

Also turning old today is America's favorite game show host (I am not actually sure if America has a favorite game show host, but oh well.), Alex Trebek, who is shown below with Sean Connery.

Wait, F! That's not Alex Trebek! It's Will Ferrell. For the record, Will Ferrell is WAY FUNNIER than Alex Trebek. Oh well, happy birthday to the real Trebek anyway!

Here's a shot of Trebek and Bucky!

Does that make them "Trebuck" together?

And, well, once I saw this picture, there was no way I was able to pass up posting it. I mean, really?

Wow. I'm pretty close to speechless. I mean, I'm not one to make fun of people....

Oh wait. YES I AM!

This picture pretty much almost makes fun of itself, though. What in hell is Alex Trebek doing topless? Bru-tal. I mean, really, Alex? Come on. But ladies, when we're honest, we'll admit that this picture could be a poster promoting the advantages of human cloning (Oh, if we could all have our own Trebek's!) or that it could have a tag on it that reads "To: Women, From: God."

Anyway, I also learned that Mr. Trebek and Pamela Anderson are two of Canadia's (That's right, I wrote "Canadia." And I teach Geography to children. So?) most famous people. What a pair!

Then we have Don Henley of Eagles fame.... His hair speaks for itself....

And next we have Willem Dafoe. I have nothing to say about him, other than that he's one goofy-lookin'-ass bastard!

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much terrified....

Definitely can't write a list of July 22nd birthday VIP's without including the wonderful David Spade. Can we say Tommy Boy? Holla! Amazing!

And to round out our honorable mention of birthdays, we have Rufus Wainwright. Oddly enough, I was pretty displeased with the photo selection that I could find, and wanted to put on my fave RW song... "Instant Pleasure." It's catchy, damnit. What I found was this video on YouTube that combined the song with two things I have spent many an hour enjoying - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and drinking. The video is actually clips of people drinking on Buffy, with Instant Pleasure playing in the background. How weird is that? Anyway.... That concludes the honorable mention, although with the toplessness and heinous hair, I am not entirely sure that I can really call it "honorable." Oh well.

And to the main event. Danny Glover!!!!

Insanely enough, I was hard pressed to find any incriminating or absurd pictures of Mr. Glover, and I am not just saying that because he has become one of my heroes. They literally do not exist, or are hard to find, which is fine with me. But just above here is the picture that is still hanging gloriously in our living room. DG's smiling face, watching over us in our apartment.

But, if you want to laugh for hours (or at least somewhere around two hours), go and purchase the movie Pure Luck. It's comedic gold. I saw it in the theatre with my mom, and we cracked up forever. I need to get that on DVD, because I don't know how long the VHS' are going to hold up! Yikes!

Sigh.

I will never forget the morning after the Danny Glover night, last year, when Meams came home and I could hear her from Lers' bedroom, and she said, "Why is there a huge fucking poster of Danny Glover in here? Nevermind.... Mandie's here, I won't even ask."

And she had only known me about a month. Ha!

Anyway, I have to go to bed.... I have some celebrating to do! LL and I (and Danielle, depending on when she gets home and what she has going on/how much energy she has!) are going to hit up Red Light for the celebration of all of these birthdays, but mainly Danny's. Also, I am going to try to see if I can get another blog posted before we go out!

Any shot suggestions? I don't know what would fit who.... Brut brut!

Stay classy, Milwaukee!

6.28.07-7.8.07

Yes yes, the dates in the title are the dates of Summerfest.

6.28.07

We kicked it off by going to see Jack's Mannequin. That was an adventure.

Danielle and I had decided that we were going to go to Summerfest in search of new boyfriends. We joked about it the whole time, on the way there and such.

As it turned out, we were not in the proper age bracket for that. It seemed that everyone at Summerfest that day was either high-school aged, or middle aged. Granted, the two acts we saw might not be the perfect place to meet people our age, but still....

We got there a little earlier than we needed to, so we saw REO Speedwagon first. Oh man, the crowd for that was amazing.... Lots and lots of denim! There was even some head-to-toe denim, which doesn't shock me.

After that, we made our way across the park to see Jack's. Entirely different crowd. Teeny-boppers.

Apparently, however, we fit in just fine. How absurd is that?

People were guessing our ages at 16. Awesome.

We also had the privilege of meeting a very drunk gent who was in search of a guy with blonde curly hair and an asian girl with... as he said... asian hair. He appreciated our help in trying to locate such individuals, so much so that he kept telling us how awesome we were, gave Danielle his phone number, and even asked us when we are going to go party with him in 'Tosa.

Ummm.... never? Tosa? Really? Haha.

Then we left the concert and took the bus back to the Marquette campus.

At midnight that night, Danielle turned 25. I was only days away from my 25 year and 10 month birthday (which I did not celebrate, for the record.... or maybe I did, inadvertantly!).

We were going to stop at Murphy's so Danielle could take a birthday shot, but we decided instead to go home, because Danielle had to work or go to class or something the next morning.

6.29.07

During the day, whilst Danielle toiled, I mostly laid around, and did a little bit of coordinating. Then she came home, and LL came over. Meanwhile, Mara was recovering from a root canal, which is why she Darryled out, and Derek and Jamie were en route to Murphy's from Madison.

The three of us went to Jimmy John's, then to Murphy's. Immediately when we walked in, I saw Derek and Jamie seated at the bar. Danielle, however, who was not expecting to run into anyone she knew, did not notice them, and walked straight up to Buddha at the bar and ordered up.

It was totally hilarious when Danielle finally noticed them.

We all got drinks, drank them, and then got more to go on the bus. We had Buddha take a picture of the five of us....

LL, then Derek, then Danielle, then me, then Jamie. Fun times! We made Danielle do her shot alone. Sorry, Danielle. We'll do more with you later. =)

Look at her take it down like the champ she is!

Time to get on the bus! It's always fun to take alcohol on school buses. Don't tell my students, though.

LL apparently also finds taking pickles onto said buses enjoyable!

Off to Summerfest! Part of my present to Danielle was getting her tickets to see Def Leppard, Foreigner, and Journey, and then organizing for some friends to meet up with us as a surprise. Yes, D and I love our 80's music.

One thing I was known to do for awhile whilst in college was to put my hair absurd ways and then ask Danielle whether she'd still be my friend if I wore my hair like that all the time.

Bless her heart, she said yes no matter what!

Well, far be it from me to take a picture of something funny.... Check out her hair here! And yes, of course I'd be her friend!

Hot.

At that moment, Danielle may have had the most stylish hair in the Marcus Ampitheater, but as far as overall personal style, I am sad to say that she was not quite at the top.

But who could be with this man around?

Let me tell you, he was a treat to watch. Dancing around, stripping, and middle-aged women were putting dollars in his pants. It was amazing. He was just straight-up belig.

We got a lot of entertainment out of watching him.

We also got a lot of entertainment out of a pair of men who loved Foreigner like no one else ever could, if I had to guess.

These two men, shown below, pounded their fists to the beat of every single song. They even knew when to pause during little points of flair during the songs. It was enthralling.

Unfortunately, I did not catch them at their best. I was trying to be at least a little incognito (not my strength). As we would continue to drink from our Coke's (that we put a "little" Sailor Jerry in, thanks to putting my flask {which I no longer have} in LL's ample bosom), I would definitel get the courage to go ask them to pose with me, but I'll explain why that never came to be.

As you can see, before long, our sexy denim buddy removed the shirt from his head and really stepped the dancing up a notch....

Holla!

Anyway, that is where the pictures stopped. This is due to the fact that a Summerfest rent-a-cop came sprinting over after that last picture to inform me that I needed to put my camera away. I thought it was funny, because I was making zero attempts to take pictures of the stage, just pictures of the goof-asses in the crowd. Oh well.

On the way home, on the bus, there was quite an interesting man sitting in front of me.

He reminded me, mostly in looks, but a little in personality, of Patrick, who I worked with at Photo Express, back in the day. His personality was a little bit more bizarre.

He had quite a bit to say to me.

He talked about how I must get hit on a lot. Just kept talkin'.

Then he went on to say that I looked like someone. Then he said...

"You look like... the most beautiful woman in the world."

This was hilarious. Cracked me right up.

After a short time, he decided that he had figured out who it was that I resembled.

Kendra from the Girls Next Door. What???

For the record, I definitely do not resemble such a woman.

Anyway, after that absurdity, we got back to Murphy's.

Shots were in order, of course, as were Captain and Coke's and Diet Cokes.

And when shots and drinks are a-flowin', people tend to show extra love... But I think that these three love eachother anyway!

Aren't Danielle, Jamie, and Derek cute?

Since we were at Murphy's, and the photo hunt machine was all taken up, we decided to play darts. In the midst of this dart action, we spied our former neighbor Nate Dogg. He is the gentleman whose party we attended the night we "lost" our power. Nate Dogg was out celebrating one of his roommate's 21st birthdays. I guess that is what happens when you hang out at college bars, haha.

Anyway, Nate Dogg was a vast contributor to the idea of getting Danielle drunk, and as such, he purchased many a shot for her, as well as the rest of us. Here is one such shot, which I remember was a delicious Orange Grey Goose. Yummy.

As you can see, LL, Danielle, Jamie and I enjoyed such a shot. Jamie, however, did not enjoy it long-term, as she thinks that that is what set her over the edge and made her vom. Bru-tal!

As alcohol often does, the shot must've improved Danielle's dart game, as she got a bullseye. Look at how proud she is!

It was around this point of the night that we started to miss Mara again, who was watching infomercials and sending out hilarious texts, possibly a partial result from the medication she was on to ease her pain.

We didn't want her to feel left out, so Danielle and I thought we'd send her some messages detailing how she was missed....

...because there just aren't enough pictures of me texting.... By the way, last month's count for texts was something like 12, 953. I think part of the increase was that I have been texting google a lot.

Did you know that you can do that? You can get sports scores, movie times, phone numbers, reverse-looking up of phone numbers, definitions of words, etc. I even used it to find out how old Mick Jagger was so that I could make fun of a certain old man I know (a friend to all raccoons), who happens to be his twin. Haha.

All you have to do is text whatever it is you need to know, such as the movie name and zip code, or "weather" and your zip code, or "Definition of ___," or "How old is Mick Jagger?" to GOOGLE (466453) and the answer comes right back! I've been abusing the hell out of this, and it has been glorious. Thank goodness for unlimited texting! Haha.

Anyway, back to the story.

Remember the Foreigner-lovin' fist-pumpers? They were very inspiring to us, so LL and I tried to emulate them.

As you can see, LL and I had an issue with the serious face.

Apparently, I smile a lot. Who knew?

Last night, which was "Absurdity Day," (Which, for the record, is one of my favorite holidays) as well as my grandpa's 69th birthday (Yeah, mom, I asked him the other day. We were both wrong.), I was told several times to stop smiling. I even had a certain someone grabbing my face to try to stop the smiles (you asked for this, Kevin!). Do I really smile an abnormal amount?

I guess since a lot of people tell me that, even at school, it must be the case. I dunno. I got nothin'.

Anyway, I finally have a picture to put a face to the name. What name, you ask? Nate Dogg. No, obviously not Nate Dogg of the 213, as you can see. But here's our former neighbor with the birfday girl!

As often occurs when I have my camera out, we decided to take a couple more pictures. The first is of Jamie and LL. Awww....

And next is a mildly terrifying picture of Nate Dogg. Bru-tal.

I don't remember clearly, but if I had to guess, he took a page from Buddha's book.... Where if you ask him to take a picture for you, he first takes one of himself.

Here's the self-portrait....

And next we have the group picture that I believe illicited the above heinosity.

We have Jamie, then Danielle, then Derek, then LL, then me. Holla!

Moments after this picture, we had an intensely pleasant surprise. Jamil!

Oh Jamil. He is such a glove. Always smiling! Maybe that's why I like him so much.... We both smile a lot. Something in common! We also are exactly the same height.... When I am barefoot and he wears thicker shoes.

Anyway, he was so nice to see, and even picked me up when he gave me a hug. Awww....

Another hilarious thing about Jamil is that he is 6'7" and his favorite drink is Sex on the Beach... And he has no idea why that is humorous. Oh Jamil.

Anyway, here is a picture of Jamil standing behind Danielle, who was also standing.

Oh hilarious. And how can you look at that smile and not smile yourself? Impossible. What a glove!

Evidently, Jamil was not the only "celebrity" to be at Murphy's that night.

A few minutes after we Jamil returned to his other friends, I was approached by a goth-looking individual.

I had a bit of difficulty hearing him, but I was pretty sure that he asked me if I would like to get my picture taken for "the black guys website."

Whaaaat?

First of all, why would I be on a black guy's website? I mean.... I enjoy black guys.... But I don't really see why I would be on their website.

Second of all, what is this punk-lookin' white dude doing taking pictures for the black guys website?

I was so confused. Then I discovered that they were a band called "Black Ice" and that they had played at the Rave that evening. So much more logical!

Anyway, so I posed with the black ice guy, and here's the picture I found on their website. I tried to look like a rockstar, haha.

Please take a moment while looking at the above picture to notice that the man has bizarre strands of pink coming from his head that are way longer than the rest of his hair.

You can't really see in the picture, but said hair pieces are exactly that. Hairpieces. That's right, they are fake and clipped in.

Now.

I have at times put in fake green extensions under the rest of my hair, because I get bored with my hair and I'm not allowed to change it. Fiff.

However, I am not trying to portray some kind of rock star image. I'm just me, a plain old school teacher. If I wanted to be a rockstar, I would look like a rockstar all the time, damn it. Fiff.

Anyway, one more picture for the night, and that is with LL and Danielle.

Please notice that I am crouching a lot to get down to LL and Danielle's level. Haha.

After Murphy's closed, Danielle, LL, Nate Dogg, and I all went to Jimmy John's. We took our food (which is intensely fast, by the way.... At the Marquette Jimmy John's, the food gets to you so fast - your food is in your hand before you even get your change back. Incredible!) home.

LL and I decided to eat our food in the fitness center. This is because many times that I have been working out there, there have been people in there just watching tv. One even brought food in, and I believe it was La Fuente. Jerk. That made me want Mexican food SO BADLY!

Last week Monday was completely ridiculous. There were literally 9 other people in the fitness center besides me, and I was the only one working out. The rest were all watching "I Love New York."

This past Saturday morning, there was a man laying on the mat when I got in there, with his phone charging, and the lights off. Absurd.

Anyway, LL and I watched whatever weird TV show was on, and then went upstairs and finally all of us to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and wondered where my camera was. This is funny, because the morning after my birthday party, I woke up without my camera. On my birthday, it was LL who had it. On Danielle's, it was Nate Dogg.

I love my camera. You'd think I'd be better at hanging on to it!

~~~~

7.04.07

Things were kinda relaxed for the next few days.... Time to recover, I think. Hit up the normal spots, if my memory serves me correctly.

On the fourth of July, we were invited again to Jason (whose last name I don't know) and Brian Skinner's condo for a cookout. Those are always a good time!

We brought food and wine. I was under the impression that I was getting equal help on the giant bottle of wine from at least LL, and Rob Villanueva.... turns out it was pretty much just me. Also, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to do several shots of good ol' Uncle Pat Ron with Tristan, Fred, and pretty much anyone else who was interested.

As Ryan would say, shots of Uncle Pat Ron are like getting a hug from the inside.

However, too much of our favorite uncle is trouble, and....

This took a toll.

First of all, at one point, I walked out of the bathroom with my cute little skirt tucked into my boyshorts.

Smooth.

It wasn't a huge deal, though. I had almost worn a thong, but decided that since my skirt was pretty short that boyshorts would be a better option. Thank goodness for that decision! And, I picked the boyshorts very specifically. They were a pair that I wore in a lingerie fashion show that I had been in earlier in the year. I figured that hundreds of people had already seen my ass hanging out the bottom of those, so if there were a mishap, it wouldn't be a huge issue.

Did I curse myself or something?

When I came out of the bathroom, a gent we now affectionately know as "All-Seeing Eyes," came to my rescue. He was sitting on the patio when I emerged with my tail in the breeze, and ran all the way into the kitchen to save me from embarrassment. Those All-Seeing Eyes were working, thank goodness!

Next issue.... Christina, Jason, LL, Rob Villanueva and I were cuddling on the couch, which, by the way, is amazing. The biggest and best couch in the United States, I dare say.

At some point, I "fell asleep," and everyone left me. Tristan suggested LL take a picture (Thanks, Jerks!), and that is how this hyper-flattering image came to be.

If that isn't hot, I don't know what is. Bru-tality!

Somewhere before this time, I sent Danielle a text. She was outside.... Due to autotext, it came out "Brutalities I'm hammered?"

I love that it is plural. Not just one brutality, but several.

I also love that this was a question, as though I was unsure as to whether or not I was hammered. I can assure you that I was!

Anyway, this phrase has become a regular part of my speech. I apparently have since sent it to others, including Buddha, who loves it. Evidently, he likes to just say it, especially when he's hammered. He told me last night that he just likes to yell "Brutalities!" from time to time, and I guess people look at him funny. Oh Buddha. You kill me.

And in a final act, someone woke me up quickly. Bad call. I had only one meal all day, unless you count the many mililiters of fermented grapes I had consumed. The end result of this is me vomming....

First, the reverse eating occurred in the front yard. Who does that? Just goes and voms in nice people (one of whom is an NBA player)'s yards?? Apparently, I do.

LL took me home. The vomming continued. Oh her poor car's exterior doors.

What is funny about this, is that Tristan would later reference this night (he took a picture of me struggling on the stoop) and say something about LL taking me home to take advantage of me. It somehow came up that I was screaming, and we found it quite amusing that this was actually true. I was screaming "No! No! Don't stop! Stopping is bad!" at LL. This was due to the fact that LL naturally wanted to stop her car when I was vomming out the window, but we'll just let Tristan think that it was for a more fun, less gross, and less embarrassing reason!

The next day was super brutal.

7.05.07

Fiff. Talk about absurdity day!

Alright..... So on this fine day, my mom, and Kim and Melissa (who you read about in the Racine Wedding blog) and one of Melissa's friends went to Summerfest for the Bon Jovi concert.

Oh man.

First of all, I must remind you that in order to hang out with Kim and Melissa, I have to be drunk.

However, this was a definite struggle because I was soooo hung-ova! (In your head, I should've sounded like Brian Fantana there).

We decided that it would be easiest for all of us to meet up at Murphy's and take the bus to the fest. Since my cousin Christine (Who you can see here as well as here) and her husband Adam (in the first "here" link) both had tickets to this concert as well, they met up with us at Murphy's as well.

So we got to Murphy's, and Joe got to be one of the first people I know in Milwaukee to meet my mom. Innnteresting.

So Melissa shows up after we've already started drinking with her friend that looks like she's about 8. Innnnteresting.

We get on the bus, and I am already ready to be rid of this heinosity.

At this point, I am pretty sure that I hadn't eaten a single bite of actual food the whole day. It was kinda drizzly, and all I really had accomplished was getting dressed and going to get my crock pot from Jason's, since my dishes weren't my main concern when I was vomming on the porch.

So when we got to Summerfest, my mom and Kim's focus was to get beer. Christine, Adam and I wanted food. So food was what we got.

We went to Pizzeria Uno. I do not recommend this at Summerfest. I liked it in the actual restaurant, but I did not like it at the fair. Bru-tal.

So after food, we parted ways, because we had different seats at the concert.

It had been kinda drizzling. Someone made a comment about how we were going to get wet.

My mom, in all her momness, then mentioned that she was already wet.

Thanks, Mom, but I would rather not know about that!

Melissa and I went for alcohol, and got the max you could bring back. She and I were drinking their "wine coolers" which were actually some sort of carbonated wine. We were double fisting, which was continually brutal because of me still being hung over. Yes, at 730pm.

As I had mentioned, I need to drink when I am with these two ladies, because I can't take them anyway.

I think the same might be the case for Melissa, because some of the looks she was giving me when her mom would talk made me feel sorry for her.

There's also the fact that she was wearing a fanny pack and light blue eyeshadow from lashline to lid, and some really hideous tennis shoes. Fiff.

But so began the comments about the apparent hotness of Jon Bon. Personally, I don't see it, but that's just me.

Here are a few more....

(First, from my mom.)

"Nobody has a right to be that hot."

"He looks stoned. I like that stoned look."

"Show more butt!"

"He's not sweating as much as I am. I'm starting to think he's not as hot for me as I am for him."

For the next comment from my mom, I have to give a little background info.

My mom thinks that she killed Dale Earnhardt.

I was on the phone with her when she was watching the race. She bets money on them in NASCAR pools. She "boogida'ed" him, because she wanted him to lose.

To boogida someone is to point your right index finger at someone, and say "boogida."

Anyway, after she "boogida'ed" him, he crashed and died. Now she blames herself.

However, instead of retiring the boogida, she reinforced it. She got a tattoo on her index finger of a lightning bolt!

So anyway, at the Bon Jovi concert, she says "If I can boogida and kill Dale Earnhardt, why can't I do this (she does the 'I dream of Jeanie' thing) and get Jon Bon to come right here?"

Yes, that is hilarious.

However, the most absurd (and terrifying) comment of the night was made by none other than Kim.

They were playing Dead or Alive.

Kim's response?

"More alive than dead, but I'll take him either way!"

Whaaaaaaaaaat????

Gross.

Gross gross gross!!!

Enough about that. Also during the concert, my mom was making comments about Richie Sambora. Apparently, she hates him.

Her best comment about him is as follows:

"He's a slug. A tagalong. He thinks he's Stevie Ray Vaughn, but he's not."

Oh mom, hilarious.

After the concert, we decided we needed to eat more. Well, that was probably mostly me, haha.

It was at this point that I discovered that friend of Melissa had arrived with had urinated in a cup during the concert. In the Marcus Ampitheater. And if I am not mistaken, I think she was actually sitting next to her dad.

Anyway, also while we were sitting there, some girls came over to tell me that there were apparently hot cops around the corner that would make us "cream our jeans." Nice.

So, we had to check these gents out.

They were alright. They were pretty old, though.... Like in their thirties. ^haha^

My mom then thought it was a good idea to tell them to make sure that they watched over Danielle and I, since apparently they normally patrolled my neighborhood. She also thought it would be a good idea to start giving them my phone number. And, since this was a period in my life where I was drunkenly giving it to everyone who asked, I gave it to them.

A couple days later, I got a call from Officer Mike who wanted to have a drink with me. He left me a voicemail, and I never called him back. Brut swoop!

Then we took the bus back to Murphy's and had a couple more drinks. Then Kim dropped me off at home, and dropped my mom back at home. It should be noted, however, that she did offer me more can coozies from her daughter's wedding. Apparently, people didn't all take theirs, and so there were extras.

How could anyone pass up those treats?

7.06.07

This day wasn't that amazing, but I definitely got into Bar Louie without my ID with Cory, which was kinda exciting. I felt like ass. I really had a bad cold. I wanted to die, and didn't want to go out at all. After Bar Louie, we went to some hotel where I saw cocaine for the first time. Weird.

07.07.07

This was brutal. Apparently, this was my friend Jon's 27th birthday. Since it was 07.07.07, he decided that he would try out his luck at the casino. AT SEVEN AM!

Whaaaaaaat??

So I went to the casino at 7am. Didn't gamble, just walked around with Jon.

I was feeling really kinda sick still, and had to leave early (like at 8am!) to go home and back to bed.

So I did.

7.08.07

Ever since the incident where I exposed my boyshorts to everyone at the cookout on the fourth of July, I had been getting offers from All-Seeing Eyes to hang out, which I had been declining due to hanging out with my mom and being deathly ill.

Decided that I needed to go out and see Lupe Fiasco and Brian McKnight on the last night. Apparently, I could've met the Raccoon Whisperer, as he was out with All-Seeing Eyes earlier. So I met up with All-Seeing Eyes and we went. I think I left my personality at home, though. I was so tired and sick feeling.

I pretty much stood there. Afterward, we went to All-Seeing Eyes' apartment, and he showed me video clips of him on the news, and then took me home.

Funny story from later, about All-Seeing Eyes.... I would sleep over to cuddle later (JUST CUDDLE, for the record), and in the middle of the night, I apparently drunkenly rolled over and said to him, "This is so fucking odd."

Who does that?

Me.

And on that note, I am going to go home, pack my bags, and move to Morocco and become an exterminator.

Ok, I am just kidding. It is "False Confessions Day," and "World Hello Day."

In addition to Thanksgiving, tomorrow is "Make your own country day!" Who would make their own country?

Anyway, have a safe and happy holiday.

=)