Whaaat?

Ok, so since I had started the blog about the Racine wedding a long time ago, when I went to post it, it went into the "July" part instead of August.... So click on the "July" one, and it's called "Racine - The Hamptons of the Midwest, and the perfect setting for a dream wedding."

Holla!

Mama Seuss

Ok, just got back from New York.... What a trip! I literally have hundreds of emails to go through, then I will get down to some serious blogging business, I promise....

Apparently, after reading my last one, my mom felt sorry for me in my situation (and probably a little guilty, too, since we've decided collectively that she passed along the quality in me that attacts absurd people and situations), that she wrote me what she calls a little ditty.

For your reading pleasure, here it is!

There once was a girl name Mandie
She started a blog
and it sure was a dandy

She has a way with words
Like few I know
Her stories are great
They must be told

I told her once
They were like "visual crack"
Once I started to read
There was no turning back

Some people smoke
And some people drink
She got me hooked
I'm addicted, I think!

Way back in June
She came into town
Some weddings we attended
Stories abound

To my dismay
I have yet to read
The tales of those adventures
The fix that I need

I awaken each day
With a smile and a prayer
When I click on the "Brut"
Those stories will be there

The pictures are great
Spectacular verbage indeed
Please, My Mandie,
Give me what I need

Love,
Mom

Oh, Mom. Hilarity and awesomeness. Coming soon, I promise!

They can take away our Power, but they can't take away our party!

Alright, I gotta be honest. It was more dramatic when William Wallace said it about their lives and freedom, but my life is less dramatic than his as well. Or at least I try to keep it that way.... But that's neither here nor there!
Another confession - it is with a fair amount of shame and embarrassment that I write this blog. I just wanted to throw that out there. If you like it, take it, if not, send it right back!
Anyway....

Slightly less than a week ago, last Friday morning, (around 11ish) I was using the little ladies room (and was, for the record, very tired after shooting in Chicago all day the day before and not getting home until well after 230am) when suddenly the lights turned off, along with the air conditioning.

"Hmm, that's interesting!" I thought to myself!

I finished my business, if you will (and I know you will!), and went out to check out the scenario. Sho 'nuff, there was no power anywhere in the apartment. Being that I am an incredibly handy lady, I thought I'd take a gander at the circuit breaker. Nothing was amiss.

So I opened the door to the hallway. In a strange turn of events, the lights were on out there. I was so confused!

Next logical step was to call the blackout emergency number. You see, losing power at 11am may not seem like an emergency to you, but I had just gone grocery shopping, which I almost never do for some odd reason, and I was very concerned that there would be an issue with my food, so I wanted to get this heinosity resolved in quick fashion. Leave it to me to be focused on food first thing.

So I grabbed my cell phone and called the number. I would like to note here that at no point did I try to text the power company's emergency hotline - I had been teased a bit about my texting about a week before, and one of my best friends, Cari, said that if there was an emergency, that I would probably try to text 911. Bru-tality. But on second thought, maybe they should make that an available option, because what if you are in a situation where you want to notify the proper authorities, but you need to do it on the sly? What you are you supposed to do then? Y'all bastards who laugh at my texting would be sure glad to have me around then, wouldn't you? If we were out and I was able to alert the police that we were being held up at gunpoint by texting without the perps (that's right, the perps!) knowing the wiser, you'd be pretty thankful, wouldn't you? You may not think that's likely, but if that's the case, maybe you should hang around my neighborhood a little bit.

Anyway, back to the story.

So the lady answers the phone, and I explain the situation. She looks up my address and whatnot and informs me that we were scheduled for disconnection.

Whaaaaaaaaaat???

This could not be the case, and here's why.

First of all, several months ago, I signed up for payments to be taken out of my checking account automatically, so that I wouldn't have to worry myself with such nonsense.

Second of all, at no point did anyone try to call me to inform me that my bill hadn't been being paid. Surely, if I hadn't been paying my bill for so long that they were going to cut my power off, someone would call, right? Seems like an easy way to get your money.

Third of all, there was never a tag on our door. We live in an interesting building with lots of subsidized housing, which = lots of people who can't or don't think it's important to pay their bills. I have seen tags on their doorknobs threatening disconnection. I had never seen one on our doorknob.

I told the woman, very politely, that this was not even remotely a possibility, for the aforementioned reasons. She kindly told me that I would have to speak to the customer service department about it, and she gave me their phone number.

So of course, I called them.

And of course, I got some automated BS. After pressing the appropriate combination of keys that corresponded with my individual situation, I was informed by the voice on teh phone that the wait time to speak to a customer service representative was to be 29 to 41 minutes, and that if I would like, I could type in my phone number and say my name into the recorder, and I would receive a call back just before it was my turn.

Obviously, especially since I was on a cell phone, I gladly took this option. So then, after that, I talked to LL on the phone a bit, and she helped to calm me down a bit. I wasn't that upset, because I was sure my bills had been paid and that things would be resolved soon, but I was quite annoyed that my power was out and that I had to deal with all of these obscene heinosities.

A couple people called and texted. I was unfairly crabby to them, for which I apologized, but I was in no mood, especialyl since I thought that every time my phone rang that I would be speaking with someone who would be about ready to turn our power back on.

Finally, someone called. We discussed the siatuation, and she said that to solve the problem, she would have to take a gander at our records. To do that, she would need me to verify the phone number.

So, I told her my phone number, and she stopped me after the sixth digit. Apparently, she had a different sixth digit in her computer.

Well, that would explain why I hadn't received any "stop being a deadbeat or we're going to turn off your damn power" phonecalls.

I was furious. I tried to remain as calm as possible, though, as I was confident that I was going to have power soon and that this whole misunderstanding would be fixed.

She looked up the information, and apparently we hadn't paid in over six months. Whenever I had signed up online for the autopay, it hadn't worked. Fan-tastic!

I asked her the balance, and was going to pay all of it online. $798.31. Bru-tality, but I had it.

She informed me that her Payment Program for over the phone only took a max of $600, and that I could pay the rest in a separate transaction. This was fine with me, just let our power get put back on!

She tried it a couple times, and to no avail. The payment thing was down. Hmmm, this seems like a pattern to me. I am so mad that I am in tears. At this point, it is about 1142am. She tells me that another alternative would be for me to go to the Community Financial Center and pay the bill, but that the nearest one (which was 6 blocks away) would be closing at noon. She said that I could go right away at 8am when they opened, and then once the payment cleared she would set up a time for the workers to come out and turn our power back on. I wasn't havin' it.

I told her that I would be able to make it, if I hurried, since it was only 6 blocks away. She told me that if it didn't work, she would see if there were any alternative locations that would be open later that I would feel comfortable going to. I ignored the whole thing about feeling comfortable, because I was focused on getting stuff taken care of. She aske dme to call her after I had paid the bill to let her know that it went alright, and to set up the appointment for our power to get put back on. I told her that she should call me, because I wasn't trying to be on hold again for forty minutes. She agreed and said she would call me at 12:30 to maker sure all was well. I made sure that she knew my correct phone number, for obvious reasons.

So I sprinted out of there and down to this Community Financial place, which I was expecting to be a bank, or an office of the electric company. Turns out no. It's one of those payday loan store/check cashing places. Awesome. I felt totally comfortable there! And then, as I was sprinting in, a man asked me for money. If I had money, don't you think I'd be somewhere other than a check cashing place, kind sir? Brutality. The time is now 1155, which is five minutes before the place is closed.

I take out my debit card and being to ask the woman about paying my bill. She informs me that they only accept cash. WHAAAAAAT??????

I don't know why, but I didn't have $800 in my purse in cash. I mean, I normally have at least ten times that much, but apparently that day I was running low. Either that, or it was in one of my other purses. Anyway, so I asked the woman if there was an ATM there. Nope! But there was one across the street. Perfect. So I sprint out of there, and sure enough, that random man asks me for money again. I apologize, again, and run across the street to the ATM.

Of course, like many ATMs, there was a limit as to how much could be withdrawn. This one was $300. Brut. So I took that much out and then ran back across the street. It was 1158 when I was waiting for my receipt to print.

I went in and paid $300 of my bill. There was a $1 fee to do such a thing which was lame, but at least I could do it. I had also already paid a fee at the ATM which was lame, but unavoidable in this situation.

On my way out of the check cashing place, the man talked to me again, this time to tell me that I have a nice body and should keep on running. I was so annoyed. Could he not see that I was basically crying the whole time?! Brutality.

So I went back home to my dark aparntment. I forgot to mention that in the meantime, I had texted Danielle to call me when she got the chance. I didn't knoiw when she was going to get home, but I thought she should know what was going on. The first time I was at the payment window, she called, but I couldn't answer because I was taking care of business. Whilst I was finally paying the bill, she texted and asked if I knew why we did not have power. I wrote back that yes I did and that I would explain in a second when I got home.

D gets nervous at times about things, so I was kinda nervous myself to tell her that due in part to my irresponsibility, we were without power. Surprisingly, she was very understanding about it, but she did have to leave for work, which she then did.

So I sat alone in the dark apartment and waited again for th epower people to call me back.

When they did, I laid out the heinous tale for the about why I only paid $300, and how I was incredibly annoyed with the whole situation.

She told me that we should try the bill payment thing over the phone again to see what we could do, and sure enough, this time it worked, and I paid the rest of the balance.

She then informed me that it would not be that day that my power would be turned back on. She said that they almost never have openings for same day reconnects, and so I would have to make an appointment for Saturday. I was incredibly displeased by that, but was even more angry when she then told me that because these guys would have to be coming back on a Saturday, I would be charged an after-hours fee of $117. I had just given them $800, which I realize I owed anyway, and they wanted another $117? AND I had to wait overnight? No way.

She told me that because I was getting bills (I thought they were just statements - my cell phone company and the cable company send statements even though the bills are paid automatically, so I never opened them) that iwas not their fault, even though it was computer errors that caused the problem in the first place AND that made it impossible for them to get ahold of me. I was also upset because it was by sheer dumb misfortune that they shut our power off on a Friday instead of a Tuesday or something.

I told her to just set the apointment up, and that then I'd worry about the fee later, when her supervisor calls me (which was supposed to happen sometime during the weekend).

So the appointment was set up, for the convenient time window of between 8am and 8pm.

At this point, I called Danielle and asked her to bring home ice for us to put in oru refridgerator and freezer. I also had to go talk about the situation with the woman who works in the office at our building - the building manager. I also took this opportunity to charge my phone, which was dying. Let me say that it is quite humbling and somethign that makes you feel like a moron when you're in the rental office borrowing power to charge your phone!

Danielle came home with the ice, and some new flashlights for us. We were an amazing team as we divided the bags of ice into individual bags, and then organized it all quickly in the freezer and fridge. We used the available daylight to gather candles together, and for my to pack - I had a shoot the next day, as well as a trip with Nicole up to a friend's lakehouse. Then we deiceded that we'd go work out (during which I continued to charge my cell phone) and then go tanning, which we did (once my phone was charged, of course, haha). The fridge organization had us prioritize what would remain in the fridge, and what didn't need to stay anymore. One of the things that got evicted from the fridge was a bottle of Margarita Mix. So we decided that we were going to have margaritas (we always have triple sec and tequila around!). It was then that I came up for the title of this blog, which was my motto for the day, for sure!

While I finished working out (which was actually after tanning, now that I think about it!), Danielle showered and went to her office to do her hair. She gave me a nice trick on how to set up flashlights and candles so that you can see what you're washing (you never know when you might find a bruise or something - haha), which I used after the workout.

Once we were dressed, we went over to LL's new place. I did my makeup on the way. Once we were there, I did my hair, and Danielle did her makeup. Bless LL and her new roommate for letting us use their power!

Then the there of us set off for dinner, at Hotchado, which was very good.

Then D and I went home and had some margaritas.

Here are some photos of that event. The first one is an action shot of me making a margarita with a flashlight in ym hand to see what I was doing. The flash on teh camera made it incredibly bright, so this picture really isn't what it should be. It was WAY darker when the flash wasn't illuminating the room.

Since the flash had been so heinous, I tried to take a picture with it off. It is a much better representation of the situation that we had been in, although it does lack me and mixing the margaritas absurdly. Oh well. You will notice that I must've been receiving a text, since my phone is all lit up. Holla!

After each of us drank a margarita, we went upstairs to the 6th floor where our good friend Nate Dogg (you will read more about him when I get around to my Summerfest/Danielle's birthday blog) was celebrating his birthday.

That was absurd. Danielle had all of the sudden been feeling a wee bit drunk when we were home still, and didn't finish her margarita. So she decided to take it easy at Nate's, where she only had a beer. I let Nate, a young college student, mix my drink, which was raspberry smirnoff and white diet green tea. Yeah, I know it sounds nasty. Tastes just as good as it sounds, too!

So I started feeling a little squiffy, but nothing crazy. I did try to pay Nathan 45 cents or so to lick bbq sauce off a friend's chest, and also tried to find out whose chest was shaven, and talk people into shaving their chests to facilitate these absurdities, but it was not fruitful. And as Danielle says, which I agree with, that is something that I would do completely sober anyway. I mean, who wouldn't stand up in a crowded room of people she didn't know and yell "I need everyone's attention. Who all here shaves their chest?"

After some time there, we left, to go to Decibel, which is where it seems as though I am living these days. Man, I love that place, always a good time. There will be a blog about that in the future, as well, specifically about the Tuesday before this particular Friday. One of my friends that I have done a couple fashion shows with was there with a friend from out of town, so we met up with her.

After that, we went home to our apartment, which was lacking in power.

Somehow, we managed to get people to come hang out with us. The funny thing is, both of these individuals (Nate Dogg and a former MU BBall player that I had recently befriended, who everyone thought was terrifying) could've been at home, enjoying electricity. Nate's situation was even more silly, since he came downstairs from his power-having apartment to ours!

So we sat around in the daark for awhile, everyone returned to their homes (or me, since I was home, to my bed), and called it a night. I slept with a flashlight that night. It may or may not still be in my bed, since I only share my bed with Refugio these days, and neither of us takes up the whole queen-sized space! Anyway....

Woke up in the morning feeling pretty hung over... It was actually kinda brutal.

I got ready as best I could, and grabbed my stuff to go to my shoot. I ended up doing my makeup in the car, because the daylight was good.

Got to the shoot, adn that was kinda brutal. It was on a 60-ft yacht on Lake Michigan, and the waves were killer. I was feeling a little iffy, like in my blood donation story (mayhem!), but ended up being one of the only models that didn't vom! I was pretty impressed and proud of myself, since I had been so hung over!

Right after, I was able to talk to the power company and get the rate reduced on our fee, which I was quite pleased about!

Meanwhile, LL hung out in the dark ages and was able to let our electric dude in to turn on the power, which was much appreciated. Thanks, LL! You're awesome, and you know this!

I got a couple of my pictures back from that shoot today. They are shown below. I am pretty happy with myself! Holla!

Later, I will write about after the shoot, going up to the lake house with Nicole, and the Heinous Sunday night at Redlight the next day.... But that will take quite some time!


Alright, well I gotta leave to drive/ride to NYC tomorrow for the Lingerie Americas tradeshow. I am pumped. The drive will be long, though, so feel free to send me texts to keep me from getting too bored, or from missing you all too much!

Also, Mom, I told you that I would be emailing you with the information.... Today was a really stressful one for T, and she didn't have all the info immediately available. I'll call you sometime during the trip to let you know what's up, and you obviously can call me anytime.

Alright, NYC here I come! I love and miss all of you already. I apologize that I won't be blogging whilst in NYC, but I'm sure you understand! Hopefully I will have time to blog that and all the other ridiculous stuff I referenced when I get back.

Love and miss ya and wish you were coming with me! Holla!

3 score and one year ago today....

....there was born a legend. That's right, bitches, it's Danny Glover's birthday again today!

(Read this {or paste this link: http://brutbrut.blogspot.com/2007/01/danny-glover-legend.html} to know why this is so important!)

Last Sunday when I was on the phone with my mom, she said to me, "Mandie, do you know what today's date is?"

Me: "July 15th?" (The only reason I knew the date is because I had been looking forward to this party for awhile.... The rest of the summer, I barely know what DAY it is, much less the date! Haha.)

Mom: It's been TWELVE DAYS!

Then, five days later, we're on the phone again....

Mom: It has been seventeen days, Mandie. I am getting really sick of clicking on your blog every morning and seeing that stupid Wisconsin Barbie thing. Your blog's like visual crack for me, I need more!

Me: Well, Mom, I have been really busy! And when I've been home, I've been tired and lame, like if I would write about it, I wouldn't even be funny!

Mom: Well, you need to just get liquored up and get to blogging!

Oh Mom, you crack me up.

I wasn't lying, though. I have been really busy.... I've gone out a ton of days in a row. I think something like 12 of the last 15 days. And when I say, "go out," I don't mean have one cocktail and get home by eleven. In almost every case, it involves staying out unti after bar close, and then doing something afterward, usually involving food (be it S'Mores, or grilled cheese...)

I also have been getting a lot of modeling work, which is good, too, because it enables me to not be homeless. Hurray for non-homelessness!

Tonight, though, was an exception. I was supposed to go to a friend's birthday party at Decibel, but that ended up being a no-go. I was also supposed to go to some party on top of the South Tower on Yankee Hill. And, I was invited by a friend whose blog I read, and who reads mine, to go out and finally meet in person, but that wasn't happening either. I had invited Cari to come up and hang out, but get this..... She declined, so that she could stay home and read Harry Potter. Whaaaaat????

Speaking of, this video is pretty funny. Check it out, and pass it around if you agree!

Oh, and if you watch it, tell me if you think the main actor's cute. H-Pitty, if you will. I can't decide.

Anyway, I was too tired to go out. I intended to blog about a few of the things that are on my list (a couple weddings, Favio's party perhaps, this past Tuesday, maybe this past Thursday, or LL's recent absurdity, Summerfest/Danielle's birthday.... The list goes on....), but I am going to make another post in honor of Mr. Glover, and the celebrations.

Today has been a glorious day over the years, because MANY greats were born on it.

July 22nd....

Bob Dole is first in our lineup. I think this picture says it all....

Yeah, so Bob Dole is now officially old. Oh wait, that's been the case for a long time.... Oh well, bru-tal!

Also turning old today is America's favorite game show host (I am not actually sure if America has a favorite game show host, but oh well.), Alex Trebek, who is shown below with Sean Connery.

Wait, F! That's not Alex Trebek! It's Will Ferrell. For the record, Will Ferrell is WAY FUNNIER than Alex Trebek. Oh well, happy birthday to the real Trebek anyway!

Here's a shot of Trebek and Bucky!

Does that make them "Trebuck" together?

And, well, once I saw this picture, there was no way I was able to pass up posting it. I mean, really?

Wow. I'm pretty close to speechless. I mean, I'm not one to make fun of people....

Oh wait. YES I AM!

This picture pretty much almost makes fun of itself, though. What in hell is Alex Trebek doing topless? Bru-tal. I mean, really, Alex? Come on. But ladies, when we're honest, we'll admit that this picture could be a poster promoting the advantages of human cloning (Oh, if we could all have our own Trebek's!) or that it could have a tag on it that reads "To: Women, From: God."

Anyway, I also learned that Mr. Trebek and Pamela Anderson are two of Canadia's (That's right, I wrote "Canadia." And I teach Geography to children. So?) most famous people. What a pair!

Then we have Don Henley of Eagles fame.... His hair speaks for itself....

And next we have Willem Dafoe. I have nothing to say about him, other than that he's one goofy-lookin'-ass bastard!

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much terrified....

Definitely can't write a list of July 22nd birthday VIP's without including the wonderful David Spade. Can we say Tommy Boy? Holla! Amazing!

And to round out our honorable mention of birthdays, we have Rufus Wainwright. Oddly enough, I was pretty displeased with the photo selection that I could find, and wanted to put on my fave RW song... "Instant Pleasure." It's catchy, damnit. What I found was this video on YouTube that combined the song with two things I have spent many an hour enjoying - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and drinking. The video is actually clips of people drinking on Buffy, with Instant Pleasure playing in the background. How weird is that? Anyway.... That concludes the honorable mention, although with the toplessness and heinous hair, I am not entirely sure that I can really call it "honorable." Oh well.

And to the main event. Danny Glover!!!!

Insanely enough, I was hard pressed to find any incriminating or absurd pictures of Mr. Glover, and I am not just saying that because he has become one of my heroes. They literally do not exist, or are hard to find, which is fine with me. But just above here is the picture that is still hanging gloriously in our living room. DG's smiling face, watching over us in our apartment.

But, if you want to laugh for hours (or at least somewhere around two hours), go and purchase the movie Pure Luck. It's comedic gold. I saw it in the theatre with my mom, and we cracked up forever. I need to get that on DVD, because I don't know how long the VHS' are going to hold up! Yikes!

Sigh.

I will never forget the morning after the Danny Glover night, last year, when Meams came home and I could hear her from Lers' bedroom, and she said, "Why is there a huge fucking poster of Danny Glover in here? Nevermind.... Mandie's here, I won't even ask."

And she had only known me about a month. Ha!

Anyway, I have to go to bed.... I have some celebrating to do! LL and I (and Danielle, depending on when she gets home and what she has going on/how much energy she has!) are going to hit up Red Light for the celebration of all of these birthdays, but mainly Danny's. Also, I am going to try to see if I can get another blog posted before we go out!

Any shot suggestions? I don't know what would fit who.... Brut brut!

Stay classy, Milwaukee!

Racine - The Hamptons of the Midwest, and the perfect setting for your dream wedding!

I know many of you have been waiting a long time for this one, hopefully not so long that I've forgotten anything. Without further ado....

On June 9th, 2007, I made the voyage from Milwaukee, down to Raycilla, Wiscompton, also known as the Hamptons of the Midwest, for a wedding.

I knew this was going to be a doozy. The bride was a longtime friend of the family. The mother of the bride is a little much to take.... For example, when my mom and I went to the KISS/Aerosmith concert with them, I got so hammered to try to deal with it that I gave everyone I saw high-fives and chestbumps, conned a 12 year old kid to steal a shirt with a Squirrel that had huge testicles on it from the grossest man in the United States, and I left the show completely covered in nacho cheese. That's a whole different story though, perhaps for another time.

You'll also get some info on her when I write the blog about the Bon Jovi concert!

Anyway, back to the wedding.

The service was pretty nice. There were many people I knew there, and I was surprised to see people all dressed up in their nice church clothes. Marv even wore dressier pants, which he said made him look gay. Silly Marv.

One man was exceptionally dressed up, wearing jean shorts and a sleeveless Sturgis shirt. Hot. I hope that people dress like that at my wedding! Anyway, if you've met Marv (who, by the way, is my stepdad, and is completely awesome), you know that the man cannot whisper. At all. In fact, when he talks normal volume, it is pretty much yelling, and when he whispers, it is like a normal speaking voice. He's a pretty loud guy, and his voice carries. It's pretty deep, too, and it fits him... You'll see him in the pictures below.

Moving on....

One of the readers in the wedding was the bride's cousin, Sarah. Sarah has always been a very big girl.... So Marv "whispers" "There's that Sarah. What is she.... 5?..... Tons?"

Keep in mind that Marv doesn't know how to whisper. I should also mention that we were approximately three rows away from the wedding videographer. My fingers are still crossed that that evil comment did not become a permanent part of the wedding memories!

Moments later, Marv is checking out the scene. He points to one of the stained glass windows, and says, "I think that guy is flipping me off."

In unison, my mom and I say, "Marv, that guy is JESUS!"

In Marv's defense, it does kinda appear like Jesus is flipping the bird.... This is sneaky incognito picture number one for the day...

That sums it up for the ceremony. Nothing else incredibly remarkable.

Next, I had to eat some more.... So I had Mom and Marv take me to Tacos El Ray, one of my favorite places to eat Racine food so that I could get a burrito.

Next move is to the Hi-O Headquarters, which would be open for a brief period after the wedding, and then closing, because everyone who would normally be at Hi-O would actually be at the wedding reception. Classy. Clearly, we were at the social gathering of the season. And by "season," I mean "decade."

At Hi-O, we took a family picture... Awww....



Curti was my date to this fine occasion, but he had worked the night before, and needed to sleep a little late so that he could party all night at the wedding.... So the plan was for him to meet us at Hi-O.

To the clientele of Hi-O, I was there alone. Marv looks like quite the pimp up there, doesn't he?

Anyway, there were vulture eyes looking at me like crazy. It was off-putting. Comments were being made, and it was brutality.

One such comment was made by a family friend, Donnie, who said that my mom and I were so hot we were "smokin' like a crack pipe in the ghetto." Nice, Donnie, nice. You'll see more of Donnie below.

Ok, this is totally unrelated, but has anyone noticed that in "Staying Alive," John Travolta actually eats two pieces of pizza at the same time by layering them one on top of the other? Bizarre. Also, I just want to say that John Travolta is ageless. Amazing.

Anyway, in Hi-O, there was a man who was pretty sure that he was a professional photographer. This cheeseball asked to take a picture of us, and we let him.

Another classy member of Hi-O's patronage was talking about how he "spent $30 on this suit." Let me just say that the man was wearing khaki pants and a shortsleeve dress shirt. I don't know how in hell he figures that is a suit, but whatever....

Ok, I might have to change the channel. I can hardly focus with John travolta in his underwear here.... I love that they started the shot of him blowdrying his hair with a closeup of his "super pro" and then moved in on his face.... This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.

Ok, wedding. Anyway, so my Aunt Laura and Uncle Jeff show up to Hi-O.... You remember Aunt Laura from the Bridal Shower Crashing story, and Cash Moneys and all that, right? Oh, by the way, this was the weddign resulting from that bridal shower.

Thank goodness people still don't dance the way that they did in 1977. Just sayin'.

Ok, wedding. Or rather, Hi-O. Curti called me soon after, the picture-taking, and I directed him over to Hi-O. I went outside to meet him so that he'd know where we were.... Hi-O doesn't necessarily look like a bar... There actually might not even be a sign, other than the words that are written on the garage door next to it, which are oft blocked by vehicles.

Anyway, when I came in with Curti, he literally got boo-ed. People actually booed him because he was my date. And maybe because he was dressed nicely. Who knows? But yeah, nothing like a warm welcome!

Meanwhile, my Uncle Jeff and Donnie are talking and basically saying "That's gay" about everything. Being politically correct is obviously of utmost importance in this crowd.

Anyway, shortly thereafter, my cousin Christine came down and met us. I don't get to see her as often as I would like to, so she ran out to Hi-O to meet up and hang out. Unfortunately, it was just as Hi-O was closing, which was also unfortunate because there was an hour more between the closing of Hi-O and the start of the reception. So, of course, the party did not stop. We dropped off Curti's jeep at my mom's house and then went to a bar nearer the reception. Here's a picture of my cousin Christine and I....





Now this bar was pretty uneventful. There was a lot more "that's gay" being thrown around, but really, that's pretty much it.

So off to the reception we went! Great times were clearly in store.

To the family's credit, it was at one of the nicest places in Racine, to have a wedding reception. Go them! My ex made fun of me a lot about it, though, because I talked about the fountain the foyer of this place, and then it turns out this is actually pretty much a hose in a kiddy pool - not nearly as impressive as I had remembered. Ah well.

We decide that we are going to sit out by the bar, because, well... We have priorities, and being close to the alcohol is a good idea always. Humourously enough, this means that we are in a completely separate room from pretty much everyone at the whole reception. I am pretty sure that my mom and Marv didn't even eat at all - don't want any pesky food ruining their buzzes! Haha...

So it's Curti, my Aunt Laura and Uncle Jeff, Becky (from the bridal shower), and I at the table, as well as some other people that I didn't know.

Somehow in our dinner conversation, Curti and I decided that it would be great if we could have flashlights to shine on people to point out fashion faux pas and absurdities in general. I was pretty sure that we were attending a wedding reception at which it would not have been overly challenging to find two flashlights, so we made a half-assed attempt to find them. That meant I asked my aunt if she had one. She said she usually does, but didn't that day. She did, however, ask one of our tablemates, who did have her flashlight, holstered securely to her belt.

We didn't really go further, though. Like I said, it was a half-assed endeavor. Plus, it just didn't feel right asking people to give up their flashlights to be used as tools to mock them.

Flashlighterella is shown below, at the far right.



Look at those long, glorious locks! Also in the picture, is Curti, who was basically in the picture just to take a picture of the people behind him.... That sexy couple was actually the focus, specifically the man. He was the one in the church with the cut-off sleeves. Hotness!

You know how weddings have cute little gifts? Party favors, if you will? This one was no exception. And let me tell you, these were keepers.

What was the wedding favor you ask? Well, a picture is worth a thousand words.....



Yes, that's right ladies and gentelmen. A can coozie. With the names and date on it. And a heart, of course. Awwwwwww! And yes, my aunt put her wine glass in, to add a touch of class.... That was futile, though, because I don't think that it could've gotten any classier anyway. Haha.

Another prime example of class was Bob Fay. He initially drew attention to himself my removing his false teeth at the dinner table. That was excellent. then we looked down, and there was certainy a sight for sore eyes.... Bobby Fay's footwear.... Sly picture number three is below.






Yep. That's right. He wore slippers to the wedding. Hawt!

He was not the only one with a fashion statement to make. There was a man there wearing Bugle Boy. Yes, that's right, Bugle Boy. Soooo, time for sly picture number 4. Thanks, Mom, for the help on that one! And yes, there is a man wearing a baseball cap in the background. As there should be!





Now, at some point, we noticed that one of Marv's co-workers' wives was pregnant and smoking. And drinking Sharp's. This is where Marv impressed me immensely.

I've always known that Marv was the most honest man ever, and that he doesn't care what other people think, but he really took this to another level. He told his co-worker that he needs to tell his "old lady" (that's biker terminology for "wife") that she needs to quit smoking while she is pregnant. This apparently pissed the co-worker off, most likely not as much as the actual smoking pissed Marv off. Apparently, this pissed off co-worker told someone else about what Marv did, because this someone else came up to Marv to tell him that he thought that it wasn't any of Marv's business what this man's wife did, and that Marv shouldn't have said anything.

Marv's response is priceless and perfect.

"It's none of your fucking business what I said to him."

Oh, perfection. The irony!

Anyway, yeah, Marv was on fire....

Soon later, he looks over and sees his boss' secretary, and says, "Aw man, now I have to go tell my boss's secretary that she can't wear that dress."

And another dress comment from Marv, regarding the girl Sarah from the wedding, was "I slept in tents smaller than that dress at Sturgis." Bru-tality.

Oh, and by the way, if this seems a little disjointed, it is because I wrote everything before this point last night before I went out, and am writing this part the next morning. LL and I popped into Murphy's at about 1:20am, and said hi to Buddha, who was hilarious, added words to the dictuary, and did the most remarkable veloceraptor impression I have ever seen in my life. It was incredible, to say the least.

Anyway, back to the reception account.... Also present, albeit late, was Nancy, who we used to live with my mom and I right after my parents got divorced. She's hilarious, and wearing a hoodie. That's appropriate for a wedding reception, no?




I thought it would be good to take a picture with the bride. She is, afterall, one of my childhood friends. It was, however, very odd to me that she is married now, younger than me, and I don't even have a boyfriend. Oh well. I'll find one someday - haha. But doesn't she look beautiful?




So earlier, I said that I would talk more about Donnie.... Well, Curti and I had given him a nickname. We called him "Wes Onetooth," in the style of Wes Mantooth of Anchorman fame. My mom says that he has "Summer teeth," meaning that some'r there, some aren't.

Let me just say that the ones that are..... aren't pretty. at all.

Anyway, around the time that I had taken the picture with the bride, Donnie decided that he wanted one, too. And being the vulturistic goofball that he is, he decided that he wanted to make an impression on the world by lifting her skirt up. Thank goodness that it was a dress with tons of layers underneath!

So here's that visual treat for you....




Yeah, drink it in. And no, that image has not been photoshopped. That is reality, ladies and gentlemen.


After that, we called it a night pretty shortly. Mom and Marv went home, and Curti and I went to a couple choice Racine watering holes. That was lame (shocking), so we went to White Castle (which sounds amazing right now), and went back to my mom's to re-cap.


It was here that I found out that Marv's bosses apparently were talking about me to Curti when I was elsewhere....


I believe the quote was, "Good luck with that tonight."


THAT? Really? And didn't they catch that I was with my FRIEND Curti? Come on. Vultures.


After many laughs at many people's expense, it was time for bed.


And there you have it! Hopefully, I didn't forget anything.... There might be an edit or two after

Mom and Curti read it.... Hope you enjoyed!

6.28.07-7.8.07

Yes yes, the dates in the title are the dates of Summerfest.

6.28.07

We kicked it off by going to see Jack's Mannequin. That was an adventure.

Danielle and I had decided that we were going to go to Summerfest in search of new boyfriends. We joked about it the whole time, on the way there and such.

As it turned out, we were not in the proper age bracket for that. It seemed that everyone at Summerfest that day was either high-school aged, or middle aged. Granted, the two acts we saw might not be the perfect place to meet people our age, but still....

We got there a little earlier than we needed to, so we saw REO Speedwagon first. Oh man, the crowd for that was amazing.... Lots and lots of denim! There was even some head-to-toe denim, which doesn't shock me.

After that, we made our way across the park to see Jack's. Entirely different crowd. Teeny-boppers.

Apparently, however, we fit in just fine. How absurd is that?

People were guessing our ages at 16. Awesome.

We also had the privilege of meeting a very drunk gent who was in search of a guy with blonde curly hair and an asian girl with... as he said... asian hair. He appreciated our help in trying to locate such individuals, so much so that he kept telling us how awesome we were, gave Danielle his phone number, and even asked us when we are going to go party with him in 'Tosa.

Ummm.... never? Tosa? Really? Haha.

Then we left the concert and took the bus back to the Marquette campus.

At midnight that night, Danielle turned 25. I was only days away from my 25 year and 10 month birthday (which I did not celebrate, for the record.... or maybe I did, inadvertantly!).

We were going to stop at Murphy's so Danielle could take a birthday shot, but we decided instead to go home, because Danielle had to work or go to class or something the next morning.

6.29.07

During the day, whilst Danielle toiled, I mostly laid around, and did a little bit of coordinating. Then she came home, and LL came over. Meanwhile, Mara was recovering from a root canal, which is why she Darryled out, and Derek and Jamie were en route to Murphy's from Madison.

The three of us went to Jimmy John's, then to Murphy's. Immediately when we walked in, I saw Derek and Jamie seated at the bar. Danielle, however, who was not expecting to run into anyone she knew, did not notice them, and walked straight up to Buddha at the bar and ordered up.

It was totally hilarious when Danielle finally noticed them.

We all got drinks, drank them, and then got more to go on the bus. We had Buddha take a picture of the five of us....

LL, then Derek, then Danielle, then me, then Jamie. Fun times! We made Danielle do her shot alone. Sorry, Danielle. We'll do more with you later. =)

Look at her take it down like the champ she is!

Time to get on the bus! It's always fun to take alcohol on school buses. Don't tell my students, though.

LL apparently also finds taking pickles onto said buses enjoyable!

Off to Summerfest! Part of my present to Danielle was getting her tickets to see Def Leppard, Foreigner, and Journey, and then organizing for some friends to meet up with us as a surprise. Yes, D and I love our 80's music.

One thing I was known to do for awhile whilst in college was to put my hair absurd ways and then ask Danielle whether she'd still be my friend if I wore my hair like that all the time.

Bless her heart, she said yes no matter what!

Well, far be it from me to take a picture of something funny.... Check out her hair here! And yes, of course I'd be her friend!

Hot.

At that moment, Danielle may have had the most stylish hair in the Marcus Ampitheater, but as far as overall personal style, I am sad to say that she was not quite at the top.

But who could be with this man around?

Let me tell you, he was a treat to watch. Dancing around, stripping, and middle-aged women were putting dollars in his pants. It was amazing. He was just straight-up belig.

We got a lot of entertainment out of watching him.

We also got a lot of entertainment out of a pair of men who loved Foreigner like no one else ever could, if I had to guess.

These two men, shown below, pounded their fists to the beat of every single song. They even knew when to pause during little points of flair during the songs. It was enthralling.

Unfortunately, I did not catch them at their best. I was trying to be at least a little incognito (not my strength). As we would continue to drink from our Coke's (that we put a "little" Sailor Jerry in, thanks to putting my flask {which I no longer have} in LL's ample bosom), I would definitel get the courage to go ask them to pose with me, but I'll explain why that never came to be.

As you can see, before long, our sexy denim buddy removed the shirt from his head and really stepped the dancing up a notch....

Holla!

Anyway, that is where the pictures stopped. This is due to the fact that a Summerfest rent-a-cop came sprinting over after that last picture to inform me that I needed to put my camera away. I thought it was funny, because I was making zero attempts to take pictures of the stage, just pictures of the goof-asses in the crowd. Oh well.

On the way home, on the bus, there was quite an interesting man sitting in front of me.

He reminded me, mostly in looks, but a little in personality, of Patrick, who I worked with at Photo Express, back in the day. His personality was a little bit more bizarre.

He had quite a bit to say to me.

He talked about how I must get hit on a lot. Just kept talkin'.

Then he went on to say that I looked like someone. Then he said...

"You look like... the most beautiful woman in the world."

This was hilarious. Cracked me right up.

After a short time, he decided that he had figured out who it was that I resembled.

Kendra from the Girls Next Door. What???

For the record, I definitely do not resemble such a woman.

Anyway, after that absurdity, we got back to Murphy's.

Shots were in order, of course, as were Captain and Coke's and Diet Cokes.

And when shots and drinks are a-flowin', people tend to show extra love... But I think that these three love eachother anyway!

Aren't Danielle, Jamie, and Derek cute?

Since we were at Murphy's, and the photo hunt machine was all taken up, we decided to play darts. In the midst of this dart action, we spied our former neighbor Nate Dogg. He is the gentleman whose party we attended the night we "lost" our power. Nate Dogg was out celebrating one of his roommate's 21st birthdays. I guess that is what happens when you hang out at college bars, haha.

Anyway, Nate Dogg was a vast contributor to the idea of getting Danielle drunk, and as such, he purchased many a shot for her, as well as the rest of us. Here is one such shot, which I remember was a delicious Orange Grey Goose. Yummy.

As you can see, LL, Danielle, Jamie and I enjoyed such a shot. Jamie, however, did not enjoy it long-term, as she thinks that that is what set her over the edge and made her vom. Bru-tal!

As alcohol often does, the shot must've improved Danielle's dart game, as she got a bullseye. Look at how proud she is!

It was around this point of the night that we started to miss Mara again, who was watching infomercials and sending out hilarious texts, possibly a partial result from the medication she was on to ease her pain.

We didn't want her to feel left out, so Danielle and I thought we'd send her some messages detailing how she was missed....

...because there just aren't enough pictures of me texting.... By the way, last month's count for texts was something like 12, 953. I think part of the increase was that I have been texting google a lot.

Did you know that you can do that? You can get sports scores, movie times, phone numbers, reverse-looking up of phone numbers, definitions of words, etc. I even used it to find out how old Mick Jagger was so that I could make fun of a certain old man I know (a friend to all raccoons), who happens to be his twin. Haha.

All you have to do is text whatever it is you need to know, such as the movie name and zip code, or "weather" and your zip code, or "Definition of ___," or "How old is Mick Jagger?" to GOOGLE (466453) and the answer comes right back! I've been abusing the hell out of this, and it has been glorious. Thank goodness for unlimited texting! Haha.

Anyway, back to the story.

Remember the Foreigner-lovin' fist-pumpers? They were very inspiring to us, so LL and I tried to emulate them.

As you can see, LL and I had an issue with the serious face.

Apparently, I smile a lot. Who knew?

Last night, which was "Absurdity Day," (Which, for the record, is one of my favorite holidays) as well as my grandpa's 69th birthday (Yeah, mom, I asked him the other day. We were both wrong.), I was told several times to stop smiling. I even had a certain someone grabbing my face to try to stop the smiles (you asked for this, Kevin!). Do I really smile an abnormal amount?

I guess since a lot of people tell me that, even at school, it must be the case. I dunno. I got nothin'.

Anyway, I finally have a picture to put a face to the name. What name, you ask? Nate Dogg. No, obviously not Nate Dogg of the 213, as you can see. But here's our former neighbor with the birfday girl!

As often occurs when I have my camera out, we decided to take a couple more pictures. The first is of Jamie and LL. Awww....

And next is a mildly terrifying picture of Nate Dogg. Bru-tal.

I don't remember clearly, but if I had to guess, he took a page from Buddha's book.... Where if you ask him to take a picture for you, he first takes one of himself.

Here's the self-portrait....

And next we have the group picture that I believe illicited the above heinosity.

We have Jamie, then Danielle, then Derek, then LL, then me. Holla!

Moments after this picture, we had an intensely pleasant surprise. Jamil!

Oh Jamil. He is such a glove. Always smiling! Maybe that's why I like him so much.... We both smile a lot. Something in common! We also are exactly the same height.... When I am barefoot and he wears thicker shoes.

Anyway, he was so nice to see, and even picked me up when he gave me a hug. Awww....

Another hilarious thing about Jamil is that he is 6'7" and his favorite drink is Sex on the Beach... And he has no idea why that is humorous. Oh Jamil.

Anyway, here is a picture of Jamil standing behind Danielle, who was also standing.

Oh hilarious. And how can you look at that smile and not smile yourself? Impossible. What a glove!

Evidently, Jamil was not the only "celebrity" to be at Murphy's that night.

A few minutes after we Jamil returned to his other friends, I was approached by a goth-looking individual.

I had a bit of difficulty hearing him, but I was pretty sure that he asked me if I would like to get my picture taken for "the black guys website."

Whaaaat?

First of all, why would I be on a black guy's website? I mean.... I enjoy black guys.... But I don't really see why I would be on their website.

Second of all, what is this punk-lookin' white dude doing taking pictures for the black guys website?

I was so confused. Then I discovered that they were a band called "Black Ice" and that they had played at the Rave that evening. So much more logical!

Anyway, so I posed with the black ice guy, and here's the picture I found on their website. I tried to look like a rockstar, haha.

Please take a moment while looking at the above picture to notice that the man has bizarre strands of pink coming from his head that are way longer than the rest of his hair.

You can't really see in the picture, but said hair pieces are exactly that. Hairpieces. That's right, they are fake and clipped in.

Now.

I have at times put in fake green extensions under the rest of my hair, because I get bored with my hair and I'm not allowed to change it. Fiff.

However, I am not trying to portray some kind of rock star image. I'm just me, a plain old school teacher. If I wanted to be a rockstar, I would look like a rockstar all the time, damn it. Fiff.

Anyway, one more picture for the night, and that is with LL and Danielle.

Please notice that I am crouching a lot to get down to LL and Danielle's level. Haha.

After Murphy's closed, Danielle, LL, Nate Dogg, and I all went to Jimmy John's. We took our food (which is intensely fast, by the way.... At the Marquette Jimmy John's, the food gets to you so fast - your food is in your hand before you even get your change back. Incredible!) home.

LL and I decided to eat our food in the fitness center. This is because many times that I have been working out there, there have been people in there just watching tv. One even brought food in, and I believe it was La Fuente. Jerk. That made me want Mexican food SO BADLY!

Last week Monday was completely ridiculous. There were literally 9 other people in the fitness center besides me, and I was the only one working out. The rest were all watching "I Love New York."

This past Saturday morning, there was a man laying on the mat when I got in there, with his phone charging, and the lights off. Absurd.

Anyway, LL and I watched whatever weird TV show was on, and then went upstairs and finally all of us to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and wondered where my camera was. This is funny, because the morning after my birthday party, I woke up without my camera. On my birthday, it was LL who had it. On Danielle's, it was Nate Dogg.

I love my camera. You'd think I'd be better at hanging on to it!

~~~~

7.04.07

Things were kinda relaxed for the next few days.... Time to recover, I think. Hit up the normal spots, if my memory serves me correctly.

On the fourth of July, we were invited again to Jason (whose last name I don't know) and Brian Skinner's condo for a cookout. Those are always a good time!

We brought food and wine. I was under the impression that I was getting equal help on the giant bottle of wine from at least LL, and Rob Villanueva.... turns out it was pretty much just me. Also, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to do several shots of good ol' Uncle Pat Ron with Tristan, Fred, and pretty much anyone else who was interested.

As Ryan would say, shots of Uncle Pat Ron are like getting a hug from the inside.

However, too much of our favorite uncle is trouble, and....

This took a toll.

First of all, at one point, I walked out of the bathroom with my cute little skirt tucked into my boyshorts.

Smooth.

It wasn't a huge deal, though. I had almost worn a thong, but decided that since my skirt was pretty short that boyshorts would be a better option. Thank goodness for that decision! And, I picked the boyshorts very specifically. They were a pair that I wore in a lingerie fashion show that I had been in earlier in the year. I figured that hundreds of people had already seen my ass hanging out the bottom of those, so if there were a mishap, it wouldn't be a huge issue.

Did I curse myself or something?

When I came out of the bathroom, a gent we now affectionately know as "All-Seeing Eyes," came to my rescue. He was sitting on the patio when I emerged with my tail in the breeze, and ran all the way into the kitchen to save me from embarrassment. Those All-Seeing Eyes were working, thank goodness!

Next issue.... Christina, Jason, LL, Rob Villanueva and I were cuddling on the couch, which, by the way, is amazing. The biggest and best couch in the United States, I dare say.

At some point, I "fell asleep," and everyone left me. Tristan suggested LL take a picture (Thanks, Jerks!), and that is how this hyper-flattering image came to be.

If that isn't hot, I don't know what is. Bru-tality!

Somewhere before this time, I sent Danielle a text. She was outside.... Due to autotext, it came out "Brutalities I'm hammered?"

I love that it is plural. Not just one brutality, but several.

I also love that this was a question, as though I was unsure as to whether or not I was hammered. I can assure you that I was!

Anyway, this phrase has become a regular part of my speech. I apparently have since sent it to others, including Buddha, who loves it. Evidently, he likes to just say it, especially when he's hammered. He told me last night that he just likes to yell "Brutalities!" from time to time, and I guess people look at him funny. Oh Buddha. You kill me.

And in a final act, someone woke me up quickly. Bad call. I had only one meal all day, unless you count the many mililiters of fermented grapes I had consumed. The end result of this is me vomming....

First, the reverse eating occurred in the front yard. Who does that? Just goes and voms in nice people (one of whom is an NBA player)'s yards?? Apparently, I do.

LL took me home. The vomming continued. Oh her poor car's exterior doors.

What is funny about this, is that Tristan would later reference this night (he took a picture of me struggling on the stoop) and say something about LL taking me home to take advantage of me. It somehow came up that I was screaming, and we found it quite amusing that this was actually true. I was screaming "No! No! Don't stop! Stopping is bad!" at LL. This was due to the fact that LL naturally wanted to stop her car when I was vomming out the window, but we'll just let Tristan think that it was for a more fun, less gross, and less embarrassing reason!

The next day was super brutal.

7.05.07

Fiff. Talk about absurdity day!

Alright..... So on this fine day, my mom, and Kim and Melissa (who you read about in the Racine Wedding blog) and one of Melissa's friends went to Summerfest for the Bon Jovi concert.

Oh man.

First of all, I must remind you that in order to hang out with Kim and Melissa, I have to be drunk.

However, this was a definite struggle because I was soooo hung-ova! (In your head, I should've sounded like Brian Fantana there).

We decided that it would be easiest for all of us to meet up at Murphy's and take the bus to the fest. Since my cousin Christine (Who you can see here as well as here) and her husband Adam (in the first "here" link) both had tickets to this concert as well, they met up with us at Murphy's as well.

So we got to Murphy's, and Joe got to be one of the first people I know in Milwaukee to meet my mom. Innnteresting.

So Melissa shows up after we've already started drinking with her friend that looks like she's about 8. Innnnteresting.

We get on the bus, and I am already ready to be rid of this heinosity.

At this point, I am pretty sure that I hadn't eaten a single bite of actual food the whole day. It was kinda drizzly, and all I really had accomplished was getting dressed and going to get my crock pot from Jason's, since my dishes weren't my main concern when I was vomming on the porch.

So when we got to Summerfest, my mom and Kim's focus was to get beer. Christine, Adam and I wanted food. So food was what we got.

We went to Pizzeria Uno. I do not recommend this at Summerfest. I liked it in the actual restaurant, but I did not like it at the fair. Bru-tal.

So after food, we parted ways, because we had different seats at the concert.

It had been kinda drizzling. Someone made a comment about how we were going to get wet.

My mom, in all her momness, then mentioned that she was already wet.

Thanks, Mom, but I would rather not know about that!

Melissa and I went for alcohol, and got the max you could bring back. She and I were drinking their "wine coolers" which were actually some sort of carbonated wine. We were double fisting, which was continually brutal because of me still being hung over. Yes, at 730pm.

As I had mentioned, I need to drink when I am with these two ladies, because I can't take them anyway.

I think the same might be the case for Melissa, because some of the looks she was giving me when her mom would talk made me feel sorry for her.

There's also the fact that she was wearing a fanny pack and light blue eyeshadow from lashline to lid, and some really hideous tennis shoes. Fiff.

But so began the comments about the apparent hotness of Jon Bon. Personally, I don't see it, but that's just me.

Here are a few more....

(First, from my mom.)

"Nobody has a right to be that hot."

"He looks stoned. I like that stoned look."

"Show more butt!"

"He's not sweating as much as I am. I'm starting to think he's not as hot for me as I am for him."

For the next comment from my mom, I have to give a little background info.

My mom thinks that she killed Dale Earnhardt.

I was on the phone with her when she was watching the race. She bets money on them in NASCAR pools. She "boogida'ed" him, because she wanted him to lose.

To boogida someone is to point your right index finger at someone, and say "boogida."

Anyway, after she "boogida'ed" him, he crashed and died. Now she blames herself.

However, instead of retiring the boogida, she reinforced it. She got a tattoo on her index finger of a lightning bolt!

So anyway, at the Bon Jovi concert, she says "If I can boogida and kill Dale Earnhardt, why can't I do this (she does the 'I dream of Jeanie' thing) and get Jon Bon to come right here?"

Yes, that is hilarious.

However, the most absurd (and terrifying) comment of the night was made by none other than Kim.

They were playing Dead or Alive.

Kim's response?

"More alive than dead, but I'll take him either way!"

Whaaaaaaaaaat????

Gross.

Gross gross gross!!!

Enough about that. Also during the concert, my mom was making comments about Richie Sambora. Apparently, she hates him.

Her best comment about him is as follows:

"He's a slug. A tagalong. He thinks he's Stevie Ray Vaughn, but he's not."

Oh mom, hilarious.

After the concert, we decided we needed to eat more. Well, that was probably mostly me, haha.

It was at this point that I discovered that friend of Melissa had arrived with had urinated in a cup during the concert. In the Marcus Ampitheater. And if I am not mistaken, I think she was actually sitting next to her dad.

Anyway, also while we were sitting there, some girls came over to tell me that there were apparently hot cops around the corner that would make us "cream our jeans." Nice.

So, we had to check these gents out.

They were alright. They were pretty old, though.... Like in their thirties. ^haha^

My mom then thought it was a good idea to tell them to make sure that they watched over Danielle and I, since apparently they normally patrolled my neighborhood. She also thought it would be a good idea to start giving them my phone number. And, since this was a period in my life where I was drunkenly giving it to everyone who asked, I gave it to them.

A couple days later, I got a call from Officer Mike who wanted to have a drink with me. He left me a voicemail, and I never called him back. Brut swoop!

Then we took the bus back to Murphy's and had a couple more drinks. Then Kim dropped me off at home, and dropped my mom back at home. It should be noted, however, that she did offer me more can coozies from her daughter's wedding. Apparently, people didn't all take theirs, and so there were extras.

How could anyone pass up those treats?

7.06.07

This day wasn't that amazing, but I definitely got into Bar Louie without my ID with Cory, which was kinda exciting. I felt like ass. I really had a bad cold. I wanted to die, and didn't want to go out at all. After Bar Louie, we went to some hotel where I saw cocaine for the first time. Weird.

07.07.07

This was brutal. Apparently, this was my friend Jon's 27th birthday. Since it was 07.07.07, he decided that he would try out his luck at the casino. AT SEVEN AM!

Whaaaaaaat??

So I went to the casino at 7am. Didn't gamble, just walked around with Jon.

I was feeling really kinda sick still, and had to leave early (like at 8am!) to go home and back to bed.

So I did.

7.08.07

Ever since the incident where I exposed my boyshorts to everyone at the cookout on the fourth of July, I had been getting offers from All-Seeing Eyes to hang out, which I had been declining due to hanging out with my mom and being deathly ill.

Decided that I needed to go out and see Lupe Fiasco and Brian McKnight on the last night. Apparently, I could've met the Raccoon Whisperer, as he was out with All-Seeing Eyes earlier. So I met up with All-Seeing Eyes and we went. I think I left my personality at home, though. I was so tired and sick feeling.

I pretty much stood there. Afterward, we went to All-Seeing Eyes' apartment, and he showed me video clips of him on the news, and then took me home.

Funny story from later, about All-Seeing Eyes.... I would sleep over to cuddle later (JUST CUDDLE, for the record), and in the middle of the night, I apparently drunkenly rolled over and said to him, "This is so fucking odd."

Who does that?

Me.

And on that note, I am going to go home, pack my bags, and move to Morocco and become an exterminator.

Ok, I am just kidding. It is "False Confessions Day," and "World Hello Day."

In addition to Thanksgiving, tomorrow is "Make your own country day!" Who would make their own country?

Anyway, have a safe and happy holiday.

=)

Wisconsin Barbie

I want to start out by saying that the opinions expressed in the following blog are not necessarily my own. The vast majority of this blog is copied and pasted directly from an email I received a few months ago from a good friend. In fact, I don't even know where some of the places that are mentioned below are located, much less what stereotypes plague them.

I do, however, know that some seem pretty accurate. I'll let you be the judge!

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Wisconsin Market:

"Fox Point Barbie" This princess Barbie is sold only at the Galleria of Shoppes. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Appleton Barbie" The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily, is always late and has no full-time occupation or goals. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Beloit Barbie" This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Brookfield Barbie" This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you won't be able to afford any of them.

"La Crosse Barbie" This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk (or sober). Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Ashland Barbie" This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Beloit Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Madison Barbie" This doll is made of actual tofu. She's stinky and has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Madison Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag and a "bow-hunter" bumper sticker with lots of little deer hoove prints if you are Fred for free.

"Racine Barbie" This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant (try looking in Chicago).

"Walkers Point (Milwaukee) Barbie/Ken" This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

And this final one.... From my friend, a photographer, Gib.... And here's his commentary (this was his response when I forwarded him the email, along with the above doctored Barbie):

"I didn't even notice this one of you!!! All bruised up from your boyfriend who you caught sleeping with your mother. Suh-wheeet!

I gave you a flat tire, too. Seems your boyfriend took your trailer off the hitch of his pickup and slashed your tires before he left. Pooooor Mandie. You should share this with your friends so you get their sympathy. That's all you've got going for ya at this point."

I think with the bruising, he was ALSO referencing this photo he shot of a fellow model, Jean, and I (and it should be noted, since it's notable, that the makeup in this shot was done by Mark Schmudde):

Alright, that's enough fun for one evening.... I think I am going to "put away" the clothes that are piled on my bed.... And by "put away," I actually mean "put on the bean bag so I can sleep now and actually put them away tomorrow," and by "tomorrow" I probably actually mean "Sunday." I know, it's brutal.

G'night!