"I know what we're doing tonight."

Before I get to the pictures, and all that fun stuff for this blog, I am going to kind of revisit one of my first blogs ever, which explained my deep love for Shaquille O'Neal. Many people (especially those who know that I am generally attracted to large or muscular, and usually athletic black men) mistakenly think that I am physically attracted to him or have some sort of a crush on him. Not so! He does look pretty fly from time to time, but that is not the deal. It's that he loves kids, and doesn't take life seriously. I could definitely go on and on about this, but I am going to spare you that, and instead, just give ya the link to an unbiased source that backs me up.

Enjoy!

So apparently my life is fairly ridiculous. Here's another blog that is largely of random absurdity.

So last time I blogged (or the time before or something), I had a picture of Shawn and Parker in moustaches and aviators.... Well, apparently, this is going to be a Tuesday night thing. I can't wait to see it tomorrow night! Here's this past Tuesday, where they were 80s rockers or something....

The first couple shots are of Shawn juggling shot glasses. =)

And next, we have the two men together, complete with Parker making it rain Jameson in his mouth!

And next we have Alleged Marcus, lookin kinda creepy....

Next we have Mamalicious and I, right before her surgery last week on Valentine's Day.

And later that night, Khary made it rain for LL. There is no wonder why she got hammered within fifteen minutes of arrival at Decibel.

Now we magically skip to Saturday night, when Paul did a really elaborate shot trick.... That's what he does, since he's the Asian Guy who Does Tricks at Decibel.

Since the last pictures weren't too fantastic, I figured I'd throw one in from last week....

Pretty cool, huh?

I don't know how these pictures got put in such a weird order, but we're just going to try to go with it...

So here's another flash back to Thursday, when we gave DJ Streetz his valentine...

So I was walking through the halls at school, and since it's Black History Month, there are posters all over of important figures in Black History (duh).

So of course, there are people like Dr. Martin Luther King, Sojourner Truth, etc.

Then suddenly....

Shaft.

Richard Roundtree? No.

Isaac Hayes?

Not quite.

Shaft.

And his contribution to Black History, or rather his role?

Bad Motha Shut Yo Mouth.

And there you have it close up.

Now we're suddenly at Decibel again on Saturday...

Next is Danielle and I with my cousin, Annette, who came down to hang out. Fun times! I almost wrote that it was "our cousin." I guess my mom would agree, because of the way she talks about Danielle and calls her the responsible daughter!



So yesterday, there was some talk about what was going to go on last night. I didn't have school today, so I wanted to do something fun.

Paul calls, and says "I know what we're doing tonight."

Then I get a text from Shawn, with the similar idea.

VIP Hawaiian party at Jo Cat's.

Seems about right, doesn't it. It was 32 degrees.

Here's me with the other ladies.

This is one of those blogs where the pictures pretty much speak for themselves....

Here's Paul with a snorkeling mask. Just before this picture was taken, someone poured 44 down the spout and he drank it. I am pretty sure that that was what those things were intended for anyway.

Next is Steve and Shawn... As you can see, we had no leis, but rather Mardi Gras beads.

This one is just absurd. I don't think they were ready....

Re-do!

And here is Paul with his one true love, the inflatable Corona bottle.

Here are Shawn and I...

Here's the VIP section.

That's how we roll!

And here's part of the crew, enjoying the coveted VIP section.

And when I say coveted, I mean it. There were fights and everything, due to the haters. Intensity!

This is the lamest blog ever, because my brain is not working. I have almost nothing to say. Thank goodness LL asked me to take lots of pictures since she wasn't going to be there!

Anyway, here's Paul with the love of his life again!

And here's Steve.... Looking quite angelic, of course!

No next we have Shawn, Joe and Paul. Joe looks like he's unconscious, but he's not....

YAY! I made it through a night at Jo Cat's and rememebered it all!

Then the party moved to Decibel, where Shawn had to close the bar...

Here he is "pretending to be asleep."

Paul tried to get me to write on his face, but I felt bad about that idea, so I wrote on his leg instead...

Still going....

And here's my handiwork!

And here's Shawn's handiwork. I think that it's clear that he is hard at work!

Clearly!

Working so hard, he can't even control his own saliva!

See his drool?

I think that's a good note to end this on... I am sure there will be more absurdity soon!

Sorry this was lame. I just don't have much to say tonight!

Not to brag, but...

I am the luckiest person in the United States. Ok, maybe even the Western Hemisphere. Damn, I'll take it all the way.... Go big or go home, right? I am the luckiest girl in the universe!

Yeah, I've had some craptastic things going on in my life, with my mom being sick and whatnot, but seriously....

The best part about it is finding out how AMAZING my friends are.


So I just want to take this time to thank everyone. I'm not going to name names, because I'd feel awful if I cookie-headedly forgot to list someone. But the actions definitely weren't forgotten, so that's what I am going to have the focus be. Actions speak louder than names anyway, right? (A name is a word. Give me a break.)

In no particular order....

So, whether you've given me a hug or several, offered to do anything you can, offered to be there for me, to eat with me, to cook for me, or you've called or texted to check on me, or offered to raise a ton of money and walk 60 miles with me, donated money to that walk, joined the team, or made S'Mores poptarts appear magically on the counter when they were just what I needed, made me laugh, made me smile, watched absurd movies with me, driven me home from eye surgery, given me candy or chocolate, wiped the snot from under my nose while I cried hysterically on you (that was a while ago, but still freaks me out!), or just let me cry in general, watched absurd movies with me, did shots with me, did (and/or dumped) shots for my mom with me, dedicated a soccer game to my mom, made her or sent her a card, suggested to bring her a ham, reminding me how strong my mom and I are, being on the lookout for bandanas, adding her on myspace and showing her encouragement, leaving me comments or sending me emails/messages to show support, told me to hang in there, offered to spend your birthday hanging out in Racine instead of going out and celebrating, offered to go to Racine (or even the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel) with me, joked with me, laughed with me, dealt with my ridiculous crabbiness, moodiness, or lack of patience, as well as my self-centeredness through this....

Oh man, I am sure I am forgetting things.

Anyway, thank you to everyone. I truly feel like I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. I have no idea how I got to be so lucky, but know that I thank God for you all every day! I don't know what I would do without you all!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Hodgepodge of Absurdity.

This blog is going to be really random, and likely long.




I'll begin with a further update on Mamalicious.



I've obviously talked to her every day since the lumpectomy. She has been in great spirits and pretty much hilarious, which is not a surprise.

On the day after, I called and asked her how she was doin', and she said she's Smurfin.



Her skin did turn blue from that operation, and stayed that way a long time. It's fading, though.



So that's a plus.



Finally went down to Ray-town to see her yesterday afternoon. I was on the phone with a friend, discussing my plans for the day, and talking about the fact that my students made her a card, so I felt like even though it was negative a million degrees outside, I felt it was necessary for me to stop and pick up a card, because although I was sure she wouldn't care about having a card or not either way, I thought I'd look like a douchebag walking in with a card from my students, a signed "bartender of the week" card from Shawn, and nothing from me!



So he suggested that I bring her a fruitcake.


I was like, "A fruitcake? You've met my mom."


"That's why it would be funny! You should bring her a ham."


So I decided that yes, indeed, I will bring her a ham.


So I went and got her a card from Walgreens, because I also had to drop off my prescription for eye drops that I will need after my lasik on Wednesday. Then when I got to the Hamptons of the Midwest (Racine, obviously, Duh!), I popped over to the grocery store and bought myself a ham.



Those of you who know me well, know I have a serious issue with the g-store. Least favorite place to be. Usually takes me at least a couple hours to get through. Well, I gotta say, I did it. I went in, went straight to the ham section, grabbed a ham, grabbed a kit kat, and got out.



Well, it didn't go QUITE that smoothly. Almost bought ham product. I thought it was weird that it was perfectly shaped, and that it said it was 35% ham or something, so I walked around a little more and found real hams.



The cashier made fun of me, though.



"Find everything alright?"



"Yep!"



"You got your ham and your kit kat and you're all set?"



Then it occurred to me just how absurd my life really is. (I know... It just now is occurring to me? What?) Who just goes to the grocery store and buys just a ham? That's right, bitches, I do!



So I walk into my mom's house, into the livingroom. Thought the effect would be more dramatic if I had the ham out of the bag, so I did.



Mom says, "She comes bearing ham?!"

And I explain the story to my mom, and in no time, we're laughing so hard we're crying.



She tells me she feels like Hef walking around in her silky pajamas.



So, after dinner, we decided that we'd take a picture of her with the ham in her hef pajamas.








Love it!

So I just got off the phone with her. She went to the doctor today.

News is not good.

She has to have a mastectomy on Thursday. Chemo starts next week, I believe.

Let me just take this opportunity to say that I am really f'ing sick of this roller coaster.

Don't know if you caught it from the last blog, but I am tired of getting these lovely percentages that she's fine, and then seeing her defy the odds again.

"These microcalcifications are not a big deal. 80% of the time, it's nothing."

Just kidding!

"You have cancer. We'll do a lumpectomy though, and after that, we're 90% sure that she will be done with surgery."

And, like I said in the last blog, that's ten whole percent.

And then today, "It's stage two, and we're going to need to do a mastectomy Thursday, and then chemo."

What the hell does stage two even mean?

On the plus side, she's not going to have to worry about lymphadema. She was concerned. Doesn't care much about her boobs, but it'd suck to deal with issues with her arm.

Another plus (always gotta look at the silver lining - I'll quote my mom herself when I say "My luggage is always full, I just don't know where the hell it is." Ever the optimist!), is that if anyone besides Demi Moore can look hot bald, it's my mom. She's such a bad ass. She'll rock a Harley bandana and it'll be just fine. She and I agreed today, though, that she would look stupid if she wore one of those female turbans, so we'll scratch that off the list.

So yeah, I guess right now I am going to ask that if anyone comes across a fly bandana for Mamalicious to rock, please let me know, and we'll work something out for me to get my hands on it or whatnot. And Buddha, I told her you'd probably let her borrow your mullet wig, and she said she'd pass. Maybe I better look up those Star Jones catalogues, haha.

Final positive note for this is that she was talking to the nurse today, who told her that she would be able to discuss reconstructive surgery next week, so she could get one or both done.

Mamalicious' response?

"Supersize me!"

The nurse said, "What letter of the alphabet are we talking about?"

Haha, so yeah. Mamalicious is good. We're some tough broads.

So now this morning, she already got this video in an email to cheer her up this morning, before the appointment, so here I am to cheer her up with a blog afterward.

It's going to be random. It's of a few things, including random pictures I've been taking to keep the New Year's resolution.

So here goes!

One thing I oft make fun of LL for is getting hammered and saying that people are her soulmates. She has a new soulmate just about weekly. We still don't even know the first soulmate's name. Bru-tal.

Anyway, I think this is rubbing off on me, since I've proclaimed two soulmates in the past week!

Here's a picture of the first one.





Are we serious? A fine, naked black man with a great ass chugging Patron straight from the bottle? I don't think I need to say any more.

No, I've never met him, and probably never will. I'm ok with that.... Unless fate brings us together, it'll just be in my dreams. Haha.

We'll get to my second soulmate later.

Anyway, there's no real story to the next picture, either... It's just that when we got to Decibel one night last week or the week before, Shawn and Parker were a pair of moustachioed men, and this is the very reason why I keep my camera in my purse at all times.



Love it.

So yeah.... Leather and Lace night. We went for Shanda's birthday.

We dressed up. I wore my leather-ish pants and a lace shirt and bra. LL wore a cami with lace around the top. There were quite some sights!

I saw men in leather thongs. There was a fetish show on a stage with a professional dominatrix who suddenly shouted "Are there any girls who want to be dominated?"

Fiff.

Two guys asked LL while we were waiting for drinks. Said they had covered a girl in pudding, whipped cream, and angel food cake and had 8 people lick her clean. They asked LL if she wanted to be next.

Oh boy.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the night...



Some guy had walked up to me and asked me if he could call me cat woman. When I told him that he could, he kissed my hand and said "Me fuckin' ow!"

Hilarity.



Let me also say that I know why they call the place the inferno. It's three hundred damn degrees in that place! That'd be why we had the shiniest faces in the United States. We were covered in sweat!

There's LL and Shanda, the birthday girl...

And LL and I once again. This picture was taken by a transsexual we befriended named Nicole. We learned so much from her! She had a lot of insight on the differences between both sexes, because she's been both! Or at least, she'll be able to say that soon!

So yeah, very interesting. Regrettably, I didn't want to take too many pictures, because I didn't want people to think I was just doing it because it was a freak show or something. Even sadder is that Nicole wouldn't take a picture with us, because she doesn't appear in pictures until she is done with her change.

Ok, this blog totally has ADD. Well, I guess ADHD. Danielle tells me that ADD is an outdated name.

SO there's a Thursday night shot at Deep Bar.... Spencer and Seth love soccer moms, and JC loves making weird faces. Perfect! Mamalicious, I appologize that I don't play soccer. I am sure that Spencer and Seth would still love you anyway.

Another great picture from Thursday night depicts Dustin being a scary vulture.

Very scary!

So yeah, that was Thursday.

Friday was Dustin and Drew's Decibel Birthday Soiree. Great times of course!

They had the most hilarious birthday flyer EVER. I think I am going to ask and see if I can get it emailed to me. It's a glove for sure!

And, my favorite DJ, DJ Streetz (or Street Treatz) was there, which was super exciting.

Somehow or another, I ended up in his shoes. No, I did not walk a mile!

And LL, who loves hugs about as much as I do, thought she'd show Streez some love...

RE-DO!

Cute! I wish I knew what he was doing! Haha.

Saturday was LL's birthday celebration. Her actual birthday is Thursday, and we'll likely be going out that night, as long as my surgery and my mom's surgery go well.

So we started out with dinner at Water Buffalo, which was absurd for many reasons. The food, however, was delicious and very reasonably priced!

Here's Danielle, being silly.

And here's LL and I with Dustin at Decibel, of course!

Obviously, my head tilt got a little out of control and took over Dustin's face. Oops!

The next picture, of LL, Danielle, and I, is quite possibly the worst picture ever taken of LL in the history of her life.

It doesn't even look like her! Bru-tality!

Here's LL and Amber, another Decibel regular.... That girl brings out my inner sorority girl! I think I might've even drunkenly screamed with excitement when I saw her, which is just about the most absurd thing ever, since it is WAY out of character for me, and because I am pretty sure we saw her Thursday! Or, if it wasn't Thursday, it was definitely Tuesday at the very longest time ago! Brut swoop!

There's a picture Drew took of the four of us. I think he took it from San Antonio, because it is pretty damn far away! I love how differently all four of us our dressed. I also must add that I am pretty sure I am going to be borrowing Danielle's shirt if I can get myself into it, because it is definitely hot!

Amber definitely went on a picture-taking rampage that night, and we were even taking ridiculous pictures of ourselves in the mirror. If they are blog-worthy, I will be posting those bad boys as soon as she gives me the chance!

That was the last picture I took that night.

It was a great time! Much like Friday, it was a late night.

So that is where the train stops for this story.

For a long ass time, I've been saying that I'm going to blog to explain the dictuary. Here it finally is.

It all started some Wednesday night up in Madison.... We did the Wing Ding Wednesday thing, and the Captain was flowing like a river.

This blog is going to contain some really good looks for LL. In addition to the worst picture ever taken, I also have what might be the most hilarious. Ready?

Lookin good!

And here she is with Mara.

Here's a group shot.... Looks like a slightly different atmosphere than what I've grown used to now at Decibel, doesn't it? Haha.

Apparently, as it often is the case, once just wasn't enough.

After a night of Wings and absurdity, I needed food (shocking, right?!)

So, we decided that it would be best if we went to Sentry to buy ingredients for S'Mores. Clearly!

LL and I had to use the bathroom, and decided it would be a fantastic idea to initial the chores chart for bathroom maintenance at Sentry.

Then we went back to Mara's and made S'Mores in the microwave. If you've never done this, you really need to. Few things (and by few things, I mean a decent amount of things) are as fun as watching the marshmallow expand in the microwave.

This, of course, involved a lot of laughter.

Take a look at Danielle. No, it's not a giant table. She's short, but not that short. She's just sliding on down, due to hysterical laughter. Most likely laughing at LL and I, because we were surfing a tsunami of absurdity (not swagger like Chazz Michael Michaels in Blades of Glory).

I know I was laughing pretty hard at us. So hard that it took me about 49 minutes to eat one S'More, and I definitely had mascara all over my damn face, as you can see.

Obscene. Danielle loves that picture, though, so I had to put it in.

Note my charm bracelet from Mamalicious. If you ever see me out and wearing it, you gotta ask for the story on that one.... But only if you have about an hour and a half to spare!

So LL was hammered, and hilarious.

She was trying to tell us all about how she had just read that the word "ginormous" had been officially added to the dictuary, but she was slurring over her words.

When we called her out on this word-slurring, she said....

"I'm Merriam Fucking Webster. I wrote the fucking dictuary."

Dictuary? Really? Not the dictionary? Oh Lord.

Clearly, I was amused.

Anyway from that day forward, LL and I decided we were going to make a dictuary. She has it with her almost all the time, and it comes in handy. Some people have even gotten pretty gung ho about it, wanting to be quoted in it.

There are two parts.

First part is just what you would expect. It's definitions of words we use.

There are also a couple lists involved, like the list of known vultures, and the list of gloves.

Then, if you turn it over, you have the "fucking psalms section," which is a lot of quotes, either things we've said, or things people have said to us. We think it's hilarious, and many other people seem to agree.

The night wasn't over, so I guess I will just throw in some random pictures from the rest of that night for fun!

There's Danielle in Mara's pants. They fit pretty much perfectly, as you can see!

Mara's roommate Shanda (girl who's birthday was Leather and Lace night) has a young daughter, so here's Jamie wearing Shanda's daughter's tiara!

Lookin good, Jameson!

Of course the laughs continued. And when Danielle laughs, she often loses control of her body and falls onto the floor. The night of Merriam Fucking Webster was no exception.

I take advantage of this whenever possible. If I think her tipping over is a possibility, I won't hesitate to push her over.... And once she's down, I like to mess with her. What are friends for, right?

There I am, attacking her! Poor girl! Then I decided that I needed to play airplane. Obviously! Props to Danielle for being able to hold my big self up! I know I am not big compared to most people, but you've seen Danielle!

And yeah, the laughing continued....

More airplane....

Woooohooooo!

Then, we were under attack by an enormous vulture! Don't forget.... If it has wings and isn't an angel, it's a vulture!

Blurriest picture ever, I know!

Danielle joined in on the tiara fun.... Here she is with Merriam!

Woo! What a night.

Don't forget, if you know of any bandanas, let me know. AND, I am still trying to think of a team name for that 60-mile walk I wanna do in August for Mamalicious, so send me those suggestions!

Alright, time to relax.

Update

Update******
Just got off the phone with mom. She is laughing and everything. Apparently they injected her with some kind of blue dye, and the effects can last for up to years! She is concerned that since she is an overachiever that she is going to be a Smurf for the rest of her life! She says she will kick the blue light's ass and get a job at Kmart. Apparently they also took out a couple of her lymph nodes, which I guess is not a big deal. The surgeon is 90% (that is ten whole percent more than the last time they gave us a percentage!) sure that she will require no more surgeries, but she will find out for sure on Monday.

Digital Stone

My mom has cancer.

She is in surgery right now, as I type, back in Raytown. And today's holiday is "Disaster Day."

I have been struggling with how to blog this. I knew I should do it, but couldn't bring myself to.

It has been hard.

One of the hardest things has been telling other people.

The first person I had to tell was Danielle. It was so hard. I had to say it, and saying it made it real.

The next few people I told were via text. LL already knew, because my mom emailed her and asked her to call her, because my mom didn't want me to be alone that night (which ended up happening anyway, but it was kinda by choice). At least with text, I was able to delete it right away. I didn't have to read it over and over.

But here it is, in my blog. I've also emailed it a couple times.

To me, that is like putting it in stone. Digital stone.

The whole thing leading up to finding out has been a huge roller coaster.

The night before there was any mention, I found out that a friend of mine's mom has a rapidly growing cyst on her ovary. I'd been thinking of this friend all day when I went to learn to be a judge for forensics meets and listened to a girl do her prose selection in which the narrator's little brother dies of leukemia. So to make a long story short, I was in a compromised mental state, focused on cancer.

Then I went up to my classroom and read an email in which my mom said that she appreciated the smart ass email I had sent her, because she needed a laugh. Apparently she had been to the doctor for her yearly mammogram, and needed to go back for further testing, because there was a lump.

At the time that I read it, the woman I share my classroom with was in here. So I held my composure. Unless I am hammered or there is something completely catastrophic, I don't cry in front of people, especially if they are not my very very close friends.

Once she left, I lost it.

On my way home, I called my mom, and was going to try to keep my composure and be strong for her.

Well, she didn't answer, because she was at night class.

I had obviously forgotten about the night class.

Farbeit for me to overreact.... I thought that either she wasn't answering because she was crying, or because something worse happened and they were in the hospital or something.

So I just start crying hysterically and leave this crying ass message on the answering machine, which really freaked Marv out, who heard the message, but didn't pick up the phone, since he never does.

When I got home, I went straight to sleep.

My mom finally called back right at 8 and told me that it was nothing - it was some lump that they found like 7 or 8 years ago, that she had already told me about, that she had named Clarence. I apparently didn't remember because it was right when I was leaving for college.

Apparently, she named in Clarence because Clarence was Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver's real name. Yeah, I know. Sounds like something I would do. That's what everyone says!

A couple days later, she found out it wasn't that lump, but it was microcalcifications, and that 80% of the time they are nothing. She would get a biopsy, though, the following Tuesday.

Tuesday came, she got her biopsy.

Then Thursday. Found out she has cancer.

Now it's Tuesday again, and she's in surgery. She has been for over three hours now. I am getting nervous.

I know she'll be fine, though. Mamalicious is a bad ass.

And there are a lot of people praying for her - both to God and to Allah!

Plus, she always says that since only the good die young, that she will likely live to be over three hundred.

Cari sent me a link to something I think I am going to do.... It's the 3 day. I am going to start a team (please send me suggestions for the names!) and each team member (so far it's Cari and I) has to raise at least $2200, and has to walk 60 miles over three days.

Once I think of a team name and sign up, I'll post information on how people can either join the team or donate to the cause. The money goes to the Susan G. Komen foundation.

Alright.... I am going to leave school and go worry someplace else. I was going to go down to Racine, but with the impending blizzard, it seems like not the best idea. Brutalities.

P.S. I apologize if this blog is a little off - I didn't proof read, and I wrote half during my lunch and half after school. Plus, my mind is elsewhere. Hopefully the funny blogs about my ridiculous adventures and misadventures will resume very soon. Maybe even tonight! Next blog will likely detail what I learned from Nicole the transsexual at Leather & Lace night, as well as talk about the other... interesting things we observed there!

Two Peas in a Shot Glass

I guess I am not doing too fantastically on the whole blogging more thing, am I? I am doing kinda better at the picture-taking, though! I got a great on Tuesday night of Shawn and Parker with absurd moustaches. So you have that to look forward to.

Another example of me doing well at taking more pictures is this next shot, which I took in a grocery store.



Are those labels serious? They may as well be called "Brand X" or something. Looks like it came straight out if an 80s commercial or something!

Another great example of my photography stepping up a notch (at least in frequency) is this bird's eye view of a bottle of the citrus-flavored Smirnoff in a paper bag, which was found whilst Danielle and I were on our way out one night in our hallway. Yes, oh yes, we have classy neighbors. At least it's not Brand X!




With such intimidating neighbors, Danielle and I really need to make sure that people know that they can't mess with us. Here's a picture of us standing outside of our apartment.




I'll quote the great Nate Dogg, when I say, "And if yo' ass is a busta, 2 1 3 will regulate."

And you know this! Try not to shake in fear!!!

So yeah.... Now is the time for the absurdity to begin. As you may remember from having read this blog (Happy 25th Birthday, Everyone!), late Winter/early Spring is an intense time for birthdays!

It was all supposed to start last Saturday in Chicago, with Sarah's party, which was to involve a lot of guitar hero, singing star, and 8-bit nintendo, but alas, that was cancelled due to illness, so tonight's the start, with Ell's birthday. You may remember Ell from the Halloween Blog, or the New Year's Blog.

This coming Saturday will be quite the birthday extravanganza, as well, as LL and I will be up in Madison, at the Inferno, at Leather and Lace Night! I am kinda just considering it a Halloween Party. Then there's LL's birthday party coming up, and her birthday coming up as well, and then Dustin and Drew's party, then Nicole's party, then Lers, then Fred, Tristan and the Raccoon Whisperer's.... That's just February! Fiff. Out of hand.

Should be fun and absurd, and there shall be pictures and blogs I'm sure!

Anyway, even though I didn't get to start the birthday celebration last Saturday as planned, the weekend still had it's fair shair of absurdity.

Mamalicious came up Friday to go see Velvet Revolver at the Rave with Danielle and I.

Why is it that every time my mom comes up, I end up blacking out half the night? Bru-tality!

Anyway, it was she that took the picture of Danielle and I outside my apartment door. Notice in the pictures from this night that I am wearing a sweatshirt that says "Vultures" across the front. LOVE IT!!!

Once mom arrived, she was ready to start partying. Don't know why this surprised me. It's not like this was the first time I met this woman or something!

We ordered a pizza from Pizza Shuttle, and commenced beveraging. Captain and Coke Zero (eww) and shots of Tequila.

By the time Danielle got home at about 6, I was tipsy. I do not know how this occurred, but it was ridiculous.

We decided to go to Murphy's before the concert to see Joe. Kept up the Captain and Coke consumption to see if my mom's theory about mixing things being my problem. She might be onto something!

At Murph's, we made friends immediately, which is almost always the case, especially when I am out with Mamalicious. Except, for some reason, it seems as though the friends we make are more interesting when she's around, at least most of the time!

I don't even know how it came up, and I can't say that the fact that it did suprised me, but soon after our arrival, we discovered that one of our new friends has a pierced penis. He made the claim, and then my mom made him prove it. In the bar. Shocking, right? Not for Mamalicious!

It was at this point that I sent out a mass text to those who know my mom and the fact that she was coming up to the Mil to inform them of what had just taken place. Dustin's response was priceless, and dictuary material.

"You two are two peas in a shot glass."

Whaaaaat?

Let me just state for the record that I would never ask to see someone's penis in a bar.

I don't know what I did to get a reputation that makes it seem like my mom and I are alike!

I'm innocent.

0=)

So yeah, back to the story.

My mom checked it out, and the guy was not lying about his pierced penis. Thank God I knew that, because I can't even imagine the horrible time I'd have trying to sleep without knowing! It also eased my mind to know that when providing evidence for the pierced penis, my mom noticed urine stains on ol' boy's khakis. Splendid!

We bid our new friends adieu, and they promised that if they saw us at the Rave, that they would buy us a drink. Excellent.

We got to the Rave and apparently, Danielle needed a lesson in how to regulate. Mamalicious was more than willing to teach her!




Sadly enough, but true, my memories at this point of the night are already hazy. I believe it was 8pmish. Brut brut!

So yeah. We get upstairs to the outside of the Eagles Ballroom, and we hear a resounding "HEEEYYY!"

Yep. It was our friends from Murphy's. Here come the drinks!

They only promised us one, but they went above and beyond. Not really sure if that's a good or bad thing!

We were introducing ourselves, and at this time, an intensely ridiculous-looking man with an even more ridiculous-looking shirt was walking past. So as I introduced my mom, I gestured toward the man and said, "and this is my friend Mesh."

Mesh just looked at me like I was crazy (I have no idea why).

I then asked if he would pose with us for a picture, and he agreed.

Here we are with Mesh!



So yeah, I was definitely blatantly making fun of him to his face, and he just asked if the picture was for MySpace or something. I think I told him no, I just wanted a picture.

But either way, how is it that this man did not slap me? I don't know how I've lived my life being a jackass half the time for 26 years and no one has beaten my ass yet. Haha.

So it took Velvet Revolver about a year and a half to come out onto the stage, which gave us an inordinate amount of time to both beverage and mingle.

We mingled our way somehow to Meteorologist John Malan's son. The next morning when I was looking at my pictures, I could not fathom the situation regarding all of these dudes I had never seen before in my life taking pictures with my mom. Good thing Danielle (who my mom calls "her responsible daughter" - Hey, I'm responsible! I have a job and stuff!) remembered the thing about John Malan's son!

Here he is with my mom. Damn, that boy looks like his dad!!!



Now this next guy, I remember. Must be because drinks were flowing from his hands, and he talked to me much of the night.

The theme of famous (or almost quasi-famous) dads continues. The guy below, also with my mom, is the son of the Saz's dude. Yummy ribs. And they used to have the best chocolate cake.... Mmm...



What in hell is going on there?

Anyway, we couldn't let the concert go by without taking a picture of the three of us, so here we are! What's up with that guy trying to sneak in our picture?!




I took several pictures of Velvet Revolver on the stage, but you know that those never turn out. This is the best one, though, despite the fact that some guy's melon is in the foreground. Ah well.

No, I don't understand how I haven't been hired by National Geographic or Time Magazine as a photographer, either!

So here's another shot of my mom and some guy I've never seen before. I haven't the faintest idea why we needed a picture of her with this man, but all I can think of when I look at it is "To me, it look like a leprechaun to me!"

All you gotta do is look up in that tree! OK, moving on....

Next picture is of Danielle and I. Don't really know why we needed another of these, but I'll be damned if I am not following my New Year's Resolution!!! More pictures, bitches!

Next, we have another questionable picture. Not questionable because of something inappropriate or something, but questionable because I neither remember who took it (even looks like it could've been me!) or for what reason, or anything....

I'll let it speak its own 1,000 words.

After the concert, we went back to Murphy's. I was hammered, and apparently irate that Joe wasn't there the first time we went. He was the second time, but he wouldn't stop bartending to come down and actually give us hugs. He just waved. And apparently I was too stubborn to go down by him, so I just complained about it. That about sums that up.

Then we went to Gyro's. I believe that the goal was to obtain a cheeseburger, and I believe this goal was accomplished.

Then we went home, and I apparently did a little drunk dialing (including trying to hire help to get Refugio off my desk), before passing out.

Now, be you not mistaken, that is not the limit to the absurdity this entailed.

Just as in the Drunk Diary from last December blog, there is an interesting text outbox situation going on here.

Here we go... I was kinda able to piece a little bit more together this time than last....

Here's the river of stupidity you've been waiting for!

In response to "Where are you?" - "Xcitins for recogthugno1."

Or, when Dustin asked the same question, I responded, "Crying at Murphy's?" Brutalities, I'm hammered? I'm Ron Burgundy?

I sent the next pearl of wisdom to three people, one of whom was Danielle, and I think I might've been talking to her!

"I just put it all on D. I just xlmob go um bed."

Whaaaat??

There's also "Wdup mom hasn's made boy send!"

Excellent.

So yeah....

Oh, and I know I've mentioned before about how I know when I've really had a lot to drink....

It's when I wake up the next morning and my clothes are all over the place.

Well, this is even more prevalent in the winter, because even when I am sober, I take off both my shoes and my pants at the door.

Observe.

Hilarity.

Unfortunately, I had to go to a forensics meet the next morning to judge. When I sent Lers a text asking her what she was wearing, AC Gilman wrote back (with Lers' phone)

"I'm not wearing a bra to distract the kids. You should not wear pants."

Oh boy.

Anyway, that was that adventure. As I mentioned in the terrorist blog, Danielle gets to go directly to heaven. (Don't know why this is all a link again). She does not have to pass go or collect $200, but she goes directly to heaven, just for dealing with my drunk ass.

Can't wait for the next one!