Two Peas in a Shot Glass

I guess I am not doing too fantastically on the whole blogging more thing, am I? I am doing kinda better at the picture-taking, though! I got a great on Tuesday night of Shawn and Parker with absurd moustaches. So you have that to look forward to.

Another example of me doing well at taking more pictures is this next shot, which I took in a grocery store.



Are those labels serious? They may as well be called "Brand X" or something. Looks like it came straight out if an 80s commercial or something!

Another great example of my photography stepping up a notch (at least in frequency) is this bird's eye view of a bottle of the citrus-flavored Smirnoff in a paper bag, which was found whilst Danielle and I were on our way out one night in our hallway. Yes, oh yes, we have classy neighbors. At least it's not Brand X!




With such intimidating neighbors, Danielle and I really need to make sure that people know that they can't mess with us. Here's a picture of us standing outside of our apartment.




I'll quote the great Nate Dogg, when I say, "And if yo' ass is a busta, 2 1 3 will regulate."

And you know this! Try not to shake in fear!!!

So yeah.... Now is the time for the absurdity to begin. As you may remember from having read this blog (Happy 25th Birthday, Everyone!), late Winter/early Spring is an intense time for birthdays!

It was all supposed to start last Saturday in Chicago, with Sarah's party, which was to involve a lot of guitar hero, singing star, and 8-bit nintendo, but alas, that was cancelled due to illness, so tonight's the start, with Ell's birthday. You may remember Ell from the Halloween Blog, or the New Year's Blog.

This coming Saturday will be quite the birthday extravanganza, as well, as LL and I will be up in Madison, at the Inferno, at Leather and Lace Night! I am kinda just considering it a Halloween Party. Then there's LL's birthday party coming up, and her birthday coming up as well, and then Dustin and Drew's party, then Nicole's party, then Lers, then Fred, Tristan and the Raccoon Whisperer's.... That's just February! Fiff. Out of hand.

Should be fun and absurd, and there shall be pictures and blogs I'm sure!

Anyway, even though I didn't get to start the birthday celebration last Saturday as planned, the weekend still had it's fair shair of absurdity.

Mamalicious came up Friday to go see Velvet Revolver at the Rave with Danielle and I.

Why is it that every time my mom comes up, I end up blacking out half the night? Bru-tality!

Anyway, it was she that took the picture of Danielle and I outside my apartment door. Notice in the pictures from this night that I am wearing a sweatshirt that says "Vultures" across the front. LOVE IT!!!

Once mom arrived, she was ready to start partying. Don't know why this surprised me. It's not like this was the first time I met this woman or something!

We ordered a pizza from Pizza Shuttle, and commenced beveraging. Captain and Coke Zero (eww) and shots of Tequila.

By the time Danielle got home at about 6, I was tipsy. I do not know how this occurred, but it was ridiculous.

We decided to go to Murphy's before the concert to see Joe. Kept up the Captain and Coke consumption to see if my mom's theory about mixing things being my problem. She might be onto something!

At Murph's, we made friends immediately, which is almost always the case, especially when I am out with Mamalicious. Except, for some reason, it seems as though the friends we make are more interesting when she's around, at least most of the time!

I don't even know how it came up, and I can't say that the fact that it did suprised me, but soon after our arrival, we discovered that one of our new friends has a pierced penis. He made the claim, and then my mom made him prove it. In the bar. Shocking, right? Not for Mamalicious!

It was at this point that I sent out a mass text to those who know my mom and the fact that she was coming up to the Mil to inform them of what had just taken place. Dustin's response was priceless, and dictuary material.

"You two are two peas in a shot glass."

Whaaaaat?

Let me just state for the record that I would never ask to see someone's penis in a bar.

I don't know what I did to get a reputation that makes it seem like my mom and I are alike!

I'm innocent.

0=)

So yeah, back to the story.

My mom checked it out, and the guy was not lying about his pierced penis. Thank God I knew that, because I can't even imagine the horrible time I'd have trying to sleep without knowing! It also eased my mind to know that when providing evidence for the pierced penis, my mom noticed urine stains on ol' boy's khakis. Splendid!

We bid our new friends adieu, and they promised that if they saw us at the Rave, that they would buy us a drink. Excellent.

We got to the Rave and apparently, Danielle needed a lesson in how to regulate. Mamalicious was more than willing to teach her!




Sadly enough, but true, my memories at this point of the night are already hazy. I believe it was 8pmish. Brut brut!

So yeah. We get upstairs to the outside of the Eagles Ballroom, and we hear a resounding "HEEEYYY!"

Yep. It was our friends from Murphy's. Here come the drinks!

They only promised us one, but they went above and beyond. Not really sure if that's a good or bad thing!

We were introducing ourselves, and at this time, an intensely ridiculous-looking man with an even more ridiculous-looking shirt was walking past. So as I introduced my mom, I gestured toward the man and said, "and this is my friend Mesh."

Mesh just looked at me like I was crazy (I have no idea why).

I then asked if he would pose with us for a picture, and he agreed.

Here we are with Mesh!



So yeah, I was definitely blatantly making fun of him to his face, and he just asked if the picture was for MySpace or something. I think I told him no, I just wanted a picture.

But either way, how is it that this man did not slap me? I don't know how I've lived my life being a jackass half the time for 26 years and no one has beaten my ass yet. Haha.

So it took Velvet Revolver about a year and a half to come out onto the stage, which gave us an inordinate amount of time to both beverage and mingle.

We mingled our way somehow to Meteorologist John Malan's son. The next morning when I was looking at my pictures, I could not fathom the situation regarding all of these dudes I had never seen before in my life taking pictures with my mom. Good thing Danielle (who my mom calls "her responsible daughter" - Hey, I'm responsible! I have a job and stuff!) remembered the thing about John Malan's son!

Here he is with my mom. Damn, that boy looks like his dad!!!



Now this next guy, I remember. Must be because drinks were flowing from his hands, and he talked to me much of the night.

The theme of famous (or almost quasi-famous) dads continues. The guy below, also with my mom, is the son of the Saz's dude. Yummy ribs. And they used to have the best chocolate cake.... Mmm...



What in hell is going on there?

Anyway, we couldn't let the concert go by without taking a picture of the three of us, so here we are! What's up with that guy trying to sneak in our picture?!




I took several pictures of Velvet Revolver on the stage, but you know that those never turn out. This is the best one, though, despite the fact that some guy's melon is in the foreground. Ah well.

No, I don't understand how I haven't been hired by National Geographic or Time Magazine as a photographer, either!

So here's another shot of my mom and some guy I've never seen before. I haven't the faintest idea why we needed a picture of her with this man, but all I can think of when I look at it is "To me, it look like a leprechaun to me!"

All you gotta do is look up in that tree! OK, moving on....

Next picture is of Danielle and I. Don't really know why we needed another of these, but I'll be damned if I am not following my New Year's Resolution!!! More pictures, bitches!

Next, we have another questionable picture. Not questionable because of something inappropriate or something, but questionable because I neither remember who took it (even looks like it could've been me!) or for what reason, or anything....

I'll let it speak its own 1,000 words.

After the concert, we went back to Murphy's. I was hammered, and apparently irate that Joe wasn't there the first time we went. He was the second time, but he wouldn't stop bartending to come down and actually give us hugs. He just waved. And apparently I was too stubborn to go down by him, so I just complained about it. That about sums that up.

Then we went to Gyro's. I believe that the goal was to obtain a cheeseburger, and I believe this goal was accomplished.

Then we went home, and I apparently did a little drunk dialing (including trying to hire help to get Refugio off my desk), before passing out.

Now, be you not mistaken, that is not the limit to the absurdity this entailed.

Just as in the Drunk Diary from last December blog, there is an interesting text outbox situation going on here.

Here we go... I was kinda able to piece a little bit more together this time than last....

Here's the river of stupidity you've been waiting for!

In response to "Where are you?" - "Xcitins for recogthugno1."

Or, when Dustin asked the same question, I responded, "Crying at Murphy's?" Brutalities, I'm hammered? I'm Ron Burgundy?

I sent the next pearl of wisdom to three people, one of whom was Danielle, and I think I might've been talking to her!

"I just put it all on D. I just xlmob go um bed."

Whaaaat??

There's also "Wdup mom hasn's made boy send!"

Excellent.

So yeah....

Oh, and I know I've mentioned before about how I know when I've really had a lot to drink....

It's when I wake up the next morning and my clothes are all over the place.

Well, this is even more prevalent in the winter, because even when I am sober, I take off both my shoes and my pants at the door.

Observe.

Hilarity.

Unfortunately, I had to go to a forensics meet the next morning to judge. When I sent Lers a text asking her what she was wearing, AC Gilman wrote back (with Lers' phone)

"I'm not wearing a bra to distract the kids. You should not wear pants."

Oh boy.

Anyway, that was that adventure. As I mentioned in the terrorist blog, Danielle gets to go directly to heaven. (Don't know why this is all a link again). She does not have to pass go or collect $200, but she goes directly to heaven, just for dealing with my drunk ass.

Can't wait for the next one!

Once again....

you'll have to go to an old blog, this time from last year, to get the most recent one. Sorry! Here it is, though! Just click on this link!

This will always make me giggle... Or at least smile!

So last Tuesday, Danielle, LL, Dustin, and I all went together to the Marquette game to see Ous and whatnot. LL and I also had to give Dustin his birthday present, so this was perfect.

Since it is my New Year's resolution to blog more (oops, I am not doing well at that, due to the fact that I'm behind on my grading) and to take more pictures (doing a little better on this one, now that my camera batteries have arrived. Thanks, eBay!), I definitely had to capture the four of us at the game together. It doesn't hurt to give Dustin evidence of how much of a pimp he appeared to be, too.... Haha.

Anyway, so we asked whoever's family was sitting behind us to take a picture of the four of us sometime during halftime.

Somehow, in the picture-taking mayhem, Danielle tried to move her hair off her face or something, but elected to attempt this feat without the use of her hands. The photographer caught her at some midpoint, and this is what we got:




Look at Danielle! I am cracking up just sitting here looking at this picture. I mean, really? How hilarious is this? Not my best picture, but Dustin and LL look really cute. Danielle, though? Really?! Absurd. I swear, this picture will make me laugh for the rest of my life.

Best thing about it, is that the woman hands the camera back, and Dustin glances at it and says "It's good."

Whaaaaaaaatttt? Dustin! There are other people in the picture, haha!

SO, we decide to go for a re-do...



Clearly, Danielle and I are cracking up still from just having looked at the heinosity pictured above.... I don't know how LL pulled it together. Dustin, well... Dustin just wasn't really amused by the whole thing in the first place.

We decided to quit while we were ahead and stop bothering the people behind us, and just be done with the group picture idea. Danielle, LL, and I just sat and laughed hysterically for the longest time, when our #1 glove gave us some more dictuary material (he's so reliable for that).

"It's funny, but it's not five minutes later, funny."

Dustin, I still disagree. At the very least, it's even 8 days later funny!

I bet LL would agree, too, since she was laughing so hard she was crying, which Dustin thought was important to capture.

Niiiiiiiiice.

Anyway, that's all I got for now. Gotta go back to grading so I earn the Wii privileges back that I've cut myself off from until I'm done with all of my grading! Ugh. Just wish I could go home and play. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Couple Reactions to the NYE2k8 blog....

So Gib, who has graced this blog before with his addition to the Wisconsin Barbie Blog, in which he photoshopped me into the mix, reads my blogs on myspace. When I woke up this morning, I had a comment from him that was so funny, that I laughed until I cried!

Gib is a great photographer, and great friend that I've known for a few years. He's responsible for such shots as these from my portfolio....

From our first shoot, where Mark Schmudde painted my stomach to match my bikini....

From a later shoot, where Jean and I were made to look like battered women.... (Yes, my tear is real, and a big point of pride for me!)

An Army-themed shoot....

And the shoot I did where I wore the breast cancer awareness scarf as a shirt....

I guess he takes pictures of things that are not me, too. Or something. Haha. Anyway, here's his comment. Enjoy!

My bad. I horked your battery to replace the one in my smoke detector before my landlord comes in later today for an inspection. It all came down to a simple equation where one side far outweighed the other.

life safety > photo opportunity

True, as a photographer the values are often reversed. So if I'm being honest, in the present scenario the full equation looks more like this:{Gib's life safety + Gib's potential fine + Gib's desire for a hassle-free weekend} > Mandy's photo ops which are generally social and feature Mandy with her patented head tip down 7 degrees and 30 degree perspective to the camera's vertical plane.

Cush and then Ma Fischers - moving up as the night progressed, I see. The complexity and duration of your "and then" sequences never cease to amaze me. "First we had 38 shots at Walgreen's and then 8 at CVS and then 3 at Pick'n Save and then 61 at Subway and then 13 at Kinko's and then it was off to the slammer and then after mom posted bail it was more shots at breakfast and then..." You truly are getting the most from every day and every night.

Please note that I am not dissing on you. I'm honestly impressed and happy to see how much you pull from every day and social situation. :)

P.S. - Turkey vulture or Albanian vulture?

One thing to note is that after I read it to Danielle, she commented that there were way more shots taken at Walgreen's than CVS, and as such, CVS must be much more....

And at this point, she and I both completed the sentence in a different way.

She said, "upscale."

I said, "lame!"

Oh boy. Do I have a problem?

So then Danielle had to read the blog. And, of course, she commented. Here's what she wrote:

Several things:

-First...hilarious as always!

-Let it be known that I dislike champagne, therefore, I figured I'd better just drink it up and get it gone quick!

-Add one more to the list of people who don't recall pictures being taken from the Milwaukee nights photographer! Also...je-sus! Glad I look pregnant in the picture too! Yikes!

-Finally, as for your commentary from the couch the next morning...you forgot to add "I need some lotion for my feet"!

And, it only gets better. Apparently, I am on another site. www.hrdcpy.com. There is an incredibly absurd picture in which I am talking in a very animated way to a girl I swear I've never seen before in all my days. Brutality!

Anyway, just thought I'd post a follow-up! Already got word that Mamalicious is pleased with the new blog and the new year's resolutions. Hey-oh!

NYE2k8

Alright, so this has a little Christmas in it, too.... One picture.

It's my cousin April, aunt Laura, Mamalicious, and I.... Doing a Christmas shot of 1800....



I swear to you that I am not pregnant.... It's the shirt that makes me look that way, probably coupled with the awkward way I am standing. If I was pregnant, I definitely wouldn't be consuming Tequila, especially since it would pretty much be an immaculate conception! Wouldn't want to kill whatever miracle kid would be growing inside me. Anyway, this is getting off-track and terrifying! On to New Year's Eve....

Although, I should probably comment a bit on Mamalicious' visit, which was the Thursday in between Christmas and NYE.

First we went to Fred and Red Heel's Thursday night soiree thing.... You know the last Thursday of the month, where they have wine and martini night. It was fun. Had a glass of wine and bought some thingies to put into my black heels (the ones with the closed back, in case you keep track) so that they fit better.... I wear them so much, they stretched out a bit.

Next stop was VI Degrees, where I likely had my last Randy Watson. Nate, Lindsay and Fred are no longer affiliated, so I see no reason why to go all the way over there and then to drive all the way to North Ave for the rest of our Thursday night. Sad! Oh well. We'll survive (and probably better off, haha). Anyway, I had my last Randy, and we moved on.... Met up with LL at Vitucci's.

We had our obligatory shot of Uncle Pat Ron, and then went to Cush.

At Cush, we did some shots.... Had a couple drinks. I learned how to play that elusive and absurd bar dice game that has been the end of me on numerous occasions, including but not limited to the wifebeater bar crawl!

Then on to Decibel. O.D. was there and provided tons of dictuary material. I guess at some point I had better blog and explain the dictuary, eh? That will go on my list right when I am done with this one!

Anyway, a couple of martinis later, and we were at Ma Fischer's, where of course we ran into Rob Villanueva (he is at Ma's every time my mom comes!) and a man who claimed he was also Rob Villanueva, and that there are 4 Rob Villanuevas. Absurd.

The next day was an enormous struggle. Reverse eating and everything. WAY worse than New Year's Day. Who gets in worse shape on a random Thursday with her mom than on NYE? Brutal. I guess I do!

Speaking of NYE..... This blog is going to be similar to the St. Patrick's Day one from last year. I guess that's what happens when you have more pictures than memories.

Ugh! I don't know why it made that a link, too! Lame.

Anyway, it was my New Year's resolution this year to take more pictures, and to blog more. That first one is going to be a little bit of a challenge for now, which I will get to, but hopefully I will be able to pull it and blog a couple times a week. That'll sure make Mamalicious happy!

So of course we went to Decibel for our celebration. I don't really know who I was kidding when I was considering celebrating elsewhere. Ah well. I don't think anyone believed I'd be anywhere else, to be honest!

By the way, as we go along, the photos are going to get progressively less attractive. Why don't you go ahead and grab a bottle of your favorite spirit (haha) and imbibe a shot or two every couple pictures. Then you'll have your beer (or non-beer, if you are like me) goggles, and we'll look glorious. Sound like a plan? Good deal!

Shortly after our arrival and part of the hello tour, but not before getting our drinks, of course (I'm having a water.... <---LIE!), we had Geno take a picture of the three of us. We wanted to capture ourselves before the shit hit the fan and we looked like we went through hell and back. Here it is!



Soon after, we ran into Katie. Funny thing about Katie is that whenever we actually make an effort to hang out (aside from being in fashion shows together), it doesn't work. We pretty much only hang out when we randomly run into each other, and of course this happened on New Year's Eve.




Isn't she gorgeous? People who wear red dresses on NYE know what's up.

And of course, there was the necessity of the obligatory roommate picture. It would be full-lenght, if I wasn't so damn tall. I guess that's what happens when you are 6'11".



Keep in mind that I had both my New Year's Resolution in mind, as well as the fact that I knew that I was going to get less attractive as the night wore on. HAD to take a buttload of pictures right away! Plus, we've never taken a picture with Trey. So we did!

Soon after the pic with Trey, the clock struck twelve. We did the champagne toast, but not until after the good luck kiss at midnight.... Wouldn't want to have bad luck in 2007!

A few minutes before midnight, I decided that it would be best for Danielle, LL, and I to just all kiss each other. It was determined that we did not need vultures, and that they may swoop in and swoop out, but us three would always have each other. So we did a triple kiss.

I know. Hot! Haha.

Then, of course, we did the champagne.

Now. First of all, I want you to note my girls double fisting. That's why they're my girls!

Second, I want you to look at the champagne flutes. One might think that Danielle, who is one of the littlest adults I know, was given a smaller dose (dose? Really?) of champagne.

But then, of course, one would be wrong. We all had evenly full glasses. Danielle just happened to pound three quarters of a glass as though it were a shot. Well done, my love!

So then we got restless on the Decibel side and decided to go over to Deep Bar, where we ran into one of our favorite people to walk the earth, Dustin.

Here we are!

And of course, LL needed to get in on the action with our #1 glove!

Awww.

Also on the Deep Bar side was my fiance, Arinze.

Now, the reason he became my fiance is because of his amazing hugs (haha). Although he did withhold them from me at first, he did not disappoint.

Looks like I'm wearing a giant Badger sweatshirt or something! Haha.

And here we are again....

And, still on the Deep Bar side, I had to get a picture with JC... (It's all starting to get fuzzy here. Not very clear memories!)

I absolutely LOVE our expressions. Goofasses!

Back over to Decibel side, and Danielle says she is not drunk. Well, LL and I are. F. I think I am two shots ahead of Danielle (one of Pat Ron from Dustin, who was celebrating his golden birthday, and one from D'Araun - aka D'Arachnid - while we were waiting for drinks. LL was the shot of D'Arachnid up). So, I thought Danielle should do two shots to our one, to even things up. She said she wanted to let go and have fun on New Year's Eve!

We went to see Shawn, and order shots. Thought I'd include the lovely bar staff who served us so well the second half of 2007, which meant that I should probably be getting Rumple Mintz. That is what Shawn likes!

Maybe a little too much.... Haha.

This next one....

Well, like I said, a little fuzzy. It's hard to say. Maybe Danielle right after the second shot? Who knows what I was trying to get there. Fiff.

There are few people (aside from employees) who spend as much time at Decibel as we do. One of said individuals is Amber. So we took a picture with her!

LOVE her dress! Don't know where her partner in crime, Erin, is. Hmm!

Must've decided I wasn't taking enough pictures, because here's one of LL and Danielle! Yes yes, I am the lucky lady who got to kiss these babes at midnight. Holla!

And then another one with Danielle and Arinze. She seems a little scared of him. Or maybe she's scared of the girl over her shoulder?

Funny thing is, Arinze looks hammered in that picture, but ol' boy doesn't drink. Absurdity.

I guess at some point, we saw Kenny. Neither Kenny, nor I, recollect the below picture being taken.

But there I am, doing that weird thing with my hand again. It was last seen on my birthday, in the pictures with Curti and Broseph.... I wish I had an explanation. I don't.

Speaking of not having an explanation... What in hell is going on right there? Hmmm....

At risk of sounding really creepy, for some reason, whenever I get a few cocktails in me, I molest CL Seth. He's only 18!!! He could've been in my classes. CREEPY. Anyway. Here we are. Oh, and by "molest" I really only mean rub the top of his head, because he buzzes it, and it feels cool.

And I guess on NYE, it also meant to grab his tie for a picture. I swear that's all that ever happens, though! I'm pretty sure I've never even grabbed his butt, and I have a propensity for butt-grabbing! And boy, oh boy, do I look good there? Good, as well as sober. Fiff. Poor CL Seth.

And then we saw Ell. Well, at least it seems as though we did, since there are pictures of us with him. And by "pictures," I mean "one picture," since that is all there actually is.

I am not really sure if what I am doing to him is a reprise of the tie-grabbing with Seth, or if it is an extension of that weird aforementioned hand thing I do, projected onto an innocent bystander. Who knows? "Not I," said the fly.

And of course, the last picture taken on my camera that night (and for awhile) is of my partner in crime, LL, and I.

Lookin' good!

Now, of course, at such a fly place on such a fly night, there's going to be a bit of media coverage. Evidently, both Milwaukee Scene and Milwaukee Nights were there, as well as several other hots spots throughout the city. It was nice to be able to check out what other people I knew were doing.

Anyway, the funny thing about the whole deal with those website people being there, is that I remember talking to the Milwaukee Scene guy, because we had met a few times before.... I knew he was Josh, couldn't remember which site he was from, and figured I'd be able to tell by looking at the pictures.

The Milwaukee Nights ones were up first.... I looked, and there were pictures of us. BUT, the catch is, they weren't as I remembered the ones from that guy Josh taking. So confusing!

Then I checked Milwaukee Scene, and there we were!

So... This one, we remember...

The ones below, however, we do not. What?

I think I actually was introduced to the Milwaukee Nights dude at Cush one time, but I am not positive. I get introduced to a lot of people at that place that will never remember me, and that I likely won't remember. Especially not coming out on NYE.

Anyway, we decided that we were going to go home a bit, nap, then come back for the Decibel after party thing at 5am. We have no idea at what time we made this decision. Word on the street is that we left my tab open, since we were coming back, and went to Ma's.

Next thing I know, we're all on LL's couch. I keep saying "Chi Hua Hua," asking for eye drops, and talking about how my mouth tastes like garbage.

I can't wait to see the pictures from the night before, but to my dismay, my camera will not turn on.

Brutality!

I hand it over to LL, who uses her technological prowess to determine that the issue lies in the fact that my camera lacks a battery.

What?

What in hell happened to my battery?

We may never know.

Who loses just the battery to her camera?

That'd be me.

Hopefully, that is all that the issue is. My new battery should be on its way, as I already ordered it (I am determined to stick to this New Year's Resolution like I have the one that made me decide years ago that I don't turn down shots, ever). I am a little nervous that something else happened and that the only issue isn't the lost battery, but we shall see soon!

Alright, that about covers New Year's Eve, and my first blog of 2008. I still have to finish that one I started on 12/07/07. I am determined to do such things before 01/07/08!

Happy New Year!

OH! And by the way.... Now that it is after midnight (which makes it technically January 5th, although I am of the belief that the date doesn't change until I wake up on the new day), it is officially Vulture Day! Ok, it's actually Bird Day. But come on... Same shit, different pile. If it has wings and isn't an angel or butterfly, it's a damn vulture!